Click here if you are horny!!! - GoFuckYourself.com

TrashTalk · 07-12-2002, 08:54 AM

Try this!!

P.S Don't mail me if your dick falls off

Ok here we go!!!

Melon baller

Buy yourself a rock melon or honeydew melon. Cut a round hole in one end a bit smaller than your dick. Scoop out a little of the inside but not too much. Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil. If you've done it right you'll get a heap of suction when you fuck it. This method comes as close to the feeling of a real pussy or anus as you're ever likely to get! You'll start to get a hard-on whenever you walk past a fruit shop!

A little bonus to add to the honeydew/cantaloupe procedure: On the opposite side of the melon from where your penis enters it, make a small hole with a skewer or small knife, no bigger than a pencil eraser, but reaching all the way in to the "vagina." Wrap your hand around the melon after you insert your erection and put your finger over the hole on the outstroke. Remove your finger on the in-stroke, replace it over the hole on the outstroke. Feels like a mouth going down on your cock, then sucking on it as it draws back. A very nice substitute for a blow job!

Lube advice

Mineral oil works really well and doesn't dry out. If you look at the ingredients of baby oil, you'll discover that it is made of mineral oil and fragrance. You can get mineral oil only in the digestive section of your supermarket or drug store. If you don't want an oily product then try to find Corn Husker's Lotion which is really slippery but it dries out very quickly. To fix that, keep a small spray bottle of water to freshen it up. It comes back to being very slippery as before.

Cucumber sleeve

Take a large cucumber and cut both ends off. Using a butter knife or spoon, remove all of the seeds and a little of the cucumber meat so you have a nice 'sleeve'. Adjust to fit the circumference of your penis. Heat the cucumber in the microwave for about 1 to 1.5 minutes. Touch the inside to make sure it's not too hot, it's easy to burn yourself.

Just stick your dick in and start pumping. Spin it around, pump up and down. The cucumber will stay warm for a loong time. It is a little messy though. This is the closest thing to real pussy I have ever felt. In fact, since it's really tight and wet, it feels better than some pussies I've had!

Tingly Spittle

If you use something like scope mouthwash or Altoids in your mouth right before you masturbate and spit on your hands, it kinda stings but you really explode!

Feel glad

Take a plastic bag, (a little one but big enough to fit all of your cock into.) Get on your knees in front of a bed or couch, and put your cock in the bag, and stick it in between, the crack, of the bed or couch. Push down on top of the bed or couch and fuck the couch, a little lotion or something along those lines works well.

Spackle me tender

Take a Playtex vinyl glove, fill it with spackle [which has a gooey consistency]. Insert a small piece of rubber eraser inside the middle finger. Then invert the middle finger and tie the opening of the glove, together with the tip of the middle finger. Use some KY Jelly or Vaseline for lube and you're set. Heat up slightly in microwave. Be careful not to burn yourself; spackle retains heat for a long time. The glove creates suction. You can also wrap center section of glove with ace bandage to increase sensation.

Water safety

Go get a pair of "water-wings" that little kids wear around their arms in the pool to help them float and swim. Blow one of them up as much as you can. (The more air, the tighter the feel.) Take some Vaseline and coat the inside and your cock. Place the "device" between the couch cushions and insert your cock and pump away.

"The Stranger"

Sit on your hand for like 30 minutes until your hand goes numb, then jerk off like a madman. This gives you the feeling that a stranger is doing it for you. You can also put your hand in cold water until it goes numb.

Swivel stick

Take both hands (lube optional) and place one hand on each side of your dick. Move one hand towards your feet while moving the other hand up towards your head, turning your dick about 1/4 a turn. After about 1/4 turn, switch directions, keep switching directions and turning your dick back and forth. The faster you go, the better it feels. When you are about to cum, and pass the "point of no return", just stroke it as usual until you are done.

Left-right, left-right

Lube up your dick well and both hands. Put your right hand on top your dick and stroke downward. Before you get all the way down, put your left hand on the top of your dick and stroke downward. Repeat. It will pleasure you like nothing else. It will feel like an endless pussy.

O,I almost forgot.
Please tape yourself on video and put it in your website so we can all enjoy you doing all this

Who knows,you might earn a extra buck.

Peace!!!

Trashtalk

DarkJedi · 07-12-2002, 09:04 AM

hybrid · 07-12-2002, 09:08 AM

TeraBabes · 07-12-2002, 09:10 AM

Goonx · 07-12-2002, 09:16 AM

"Please tape yourself on video and put it in your website so we can all enjoy you doing all this"

Thats the scary part.

Dude, your damaged!

babyhuey · 07-12-2002, 09:18 AM

CDSmith · 07-12-2002, 09:20 AM

Nothing funnier than having your girlfriend walk in to find you fucking the couch.

Proxima · 07-12-2002, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CDSmith
Nothing funnier than having your girlfriend walk in to find you fucking the couch.

I'd pay to see that.

ldinternet · 07-12-2002, 09:24 AM

Anyone else waiting for FletchXXX to post a link to his "Watermelon Fucker" site?

"You ever have fantasies about slipping your cock in a sweet and juicy hole cut into a sloppy fruit! Well I do, I like to fuck watermelons. Wanna see?"

Terenzo · 07-12-2002, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Proxima

I'd pay to see that.

... well, i guess a new niche is just born ....

TrashTalk · 07-13-2002, 09:02 PM

Glad you all liked it!

All the best

TrashTalk

washiez · 07-13-2002, 10:09 PM

Is Trashtalk Headless in disguise?? :PP

07-12-2002, 08:54 AM	#1
TrashTalk Registered User Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 94	Click here if you are horny!!! Try this!! P.S Don't mail me if your dick falls off Ok here we go!!! Melon baller Buy yourself a rock melon or honeydew melon. Cut a round hole in one end a bit smaller than your dick. Scoop out a little of the inside but not too much. Heat the melon in a microwave (be careful!) and squirt in some baby oil. If you've done it right you'll get a heap of suction when you fuck it. This method comes as close to the feeling of a real pussy or anus as you're ever likely to get! You'll start to get a hard-on whenever you walk past a fruit shop! A little bonus to add to the honeydew/cantaloupe procedure: On the opposite side of the melon from where your penis enters it, make a small hole with a skewer or small knife, no bigger than a pencil eraser, but reaching all the way in to the "vagina." Wrap your hand around the melon after you insert your erection and put your finger over the hole on the outstroke. Remove your finger on the in-stroke, replace it over the hole on the outstroke. Feels like a mouth going down on your cock, then sucking on it as it draws back. A very nice substitute for a blow job! Lube advice Mineral oil works really well and doesn't dry out. If you look at the ingredients of baby oil, you'll discover that it is made of mineral oil and fragrance. You can get mineral oil only in the digestive section of your supermarket or drug store. If you don't want an oily product then try to find Corn Husker's Lotion which is really slippery but it dries out very quickly. To fix that, keep a small spray bottle of water to freshen it up. It comes back to being very slippery as before. Cucumber sleeve Take a large cucumber and cut both ends off. Using a butter knife or spoon, remove all of the seeds and a little of the cucumber meat so you have a nice 'sleeve'. Adjust to fit the circumference of your penis. Heat the cucumber in the microwave for about 1 to 1.5 minutes. Touch the inside to make sure it's not too hot, it's easy to burn yourself. Just stick your dick in and start pumping. Spin it around, pump up and down. The cucumber will stay warm for a loong time. It is a little messy though. This is the closest thing to real pussy I have ever felt. In fact, since it's really tight and wet, it feels better than some pussies I've had! Tingly Spittle If you use something like scope mouthwash or Altoids in your mouth right before you masturbate and spit on your hands, it kinda stings but you really explode! Feel glad Take a plastic bag, (a little one but big enough to fit all of your cock into.) Get on your knees in front of a bed or couch, and put your cock in the bag, and stick it in between, the crack, of the bed or couch. Push down on top of the bed or couch and fuck the couch, a little lotion or something along those lines works well. Spackle me tender Take a Playtex vinyl glove, fill it with spackle [which has a gooey consistency]. Insert a small piece of rubber eraser inside the middle finger. Then invert the middle finger and tie the opening of the glove, together with the tip of the middle finger. Use some KY Jelly or Vaseline for lube and you're set. Heat up slightly in microwave. Be careful not to burn yourself; spackle retains heat for a long time. The glove creates suction. You can also wrap center section of glove with ace bandage to increase sensation. Water safety Go get a pair of "water-wings" that little kids wear around their arms in the pool to help them float and swim. Blow one of them up as much as you can. (The more air, the tighter the feel.) Take some Vaseline and coat the inside and your cock. Place the "device" between the couch cushions and insert your cock and pump away. "The Stranger" Sit on your hand for like 30 minutes until your hand goes numb, then jerk off like a madman. This gives you the feeling that a stranger is doing it for you. You can also put your hand in cold water until it goes numb. Swivel stick Take both hands (lube optional) and place one hand on each side of your dick. Move one hand towards your feet while moving the other hand up towards your head, turning your dick about 1/4 a turn. After about 1/4 turn, switch directions, keep switching directions and turning your dick back and forth. The faster you go, the better it feels. When you are about to cum, and pass the "point of no return", just stroke it as usual until you are done. Left-right, left-right Lube up your dick well and both hands. Put your right hand on top your dick and stroke downward. Before you get all the way down, put your left hand on the top of your dick and stroke downward. Repeat. It will pleasure you like nothing else. It will feel like an endless pussy. O,I almost forgot. Please tape yourself on video and put it in your website so we can all enjoy you doing all this Who knows,you might earn a extra buck. Peace!!! Trashtalk __________________ Adult Site Design - CMS Solutions - Web Development and more!

07-12-2002, 09:10 AM	#4
TeraBabes Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Under Water Posts: 2,067	__________________ This place is too big.

07-12-2002, 09:20 AM	#7
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Nothing funnier than having your girlfriend walk in to find you fucking the couch. __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

07-13-2002, 09:02 PM	#11
TrashTalk Registered User Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 94	Glad you all liked it! All the best TrashTalk __________________ Adult Site Design - CMS Solutions - Web Development and more!

07-12-2002, 09:04 AM	#2
DarkJedi No Refunds Issued. Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: GFY Posts: 28,300

07-12-2002, 09:08 AM	#3
hybrid So Fucking Banned Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Backseat of a Ford Escort Hatchback Posts: 3,253

07-12-2002, 09:16 AM	#5
Goonx Confirmed User Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,048	"Please tape yourself on video and put it in your website so we can all enjoy you doing all this" Thats the scary part. Dude, your damaged!

07-12-2002, 09:18 AM	#6
babyhuey Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Oz Posts: 189

07-12-2002, 09:24 AM	#9
ldinternet Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 8,245	Anyone else waiting for FletchXXX to post a link to his "Watermelon Fucker" site? "You ever have fantasies about slipping your cock in a sweet and juicy hole cut into a sloppy fruit! Well I do, I like to fuck watermelons. Wanna see?"

07-13-2002, 10:09 PM	#12
washiez Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 1,118	Is Trashtalk Headless in disguise?? :PP