A Joke (stolen btw) - GoFuckYourself.com

KittyLix · 11-07-2006, 08:06 PM

So this guy walks into a talent agency and says to the agent, "Have I got an act for you! It's a family act, you'll love it."

The agent says "Alright, lay it on me."

The guy says, "Well, first the grandpa comes in, this is in the thirties, mind, deals with the Nazis and makes a ton of money off German banking and mining, see. He gets nailed for trading with the enemy in the war, but it doesn't matter much cause by now his family is incredibly wealthy. His son, the Father, flies a plane in the Second World War and later becomes head of the CIA, then later, vice president, and after that, a one term president. He does a half ass job and gets out, kinda sets things up for later. It's the kid, he's the real lynchpin of the act. It gets better."

The agent nods, doodling on his dayplanner. "Please, continue."

"The kid comes in, and starts off with avoiding Vietnam by getting a nice position in the National Guard, see? But he skips out on that gig when he doesn't need it anymore. Then he runs a series of businesses into the ground. He can't run an oil company, he can't manage a baseball team, tries to run for Congress and fails, he does drugs and boozes, has trouble with basic life skills. But since his daddy's Vice President, or later, President, he gets whatever he wants. Gets bailed out every time. He runs for governor of Texas and wins, and sets a new record for executing people. He likes to joke about the executions, too, mocking the pleas for leniency. 150-odd prisoners go to the chair under the Kid as governor. And the Kid is wearing a cowboy hat and talking in a Texas drawl the whole time, even though he's from Connecticut. But it gets better, this is just the start."

The agent nods, dropping his pen. "Umm.. alright.."

"The Kid doesn't just wanna be a governor, he wants to be President. So he runs for President and.. tough luck, he doesn't win. So get this, his buddies on the Supreme Court have to squeeze him in. They push and push, and finally he's President. He doodles around for a few months and then boom! Some terrorists come in and flatten a couple skyscrapers in New York. Thousands of people die, jumping out of skyscrapers and getting flattened in plane crashes, and the Kid swings into action. He starts bombing where the terrorists are hiding, and looking for them. I mean, wouldn't you? But when he can't find them in a couple months he goes after a totally different country, attacking them 'cause they had oil and his Dad had trouble with them ten or twelve years ago. He says it's because this country was the real guys who flattened those skyscrapers, because they'll do it again with weapons of mass destruction if they get the chance. So the audience is right behind him. Now there's a big ass war right on stage and bombs are flying, people getting killed left and right. And the Kid, you'll love this, underequips the soldiers being sent in, not enough armor, and makes them do police functions in a hostile country for months and months and then years after he says we won the war. And we get to torturing the Iraqis, making them stand around with electrodes on their nutsacks, raping their wives and kids in front of them, attacking them with vicious dogs, pissing on their holy books, and the audience loves it, they clap and applaud. A real crowd pleaser, that sequence. But soon the kid has gotten 1800 American troops killed, wounded thousands more, and get this there were no weapons of mass destruction at all, the whole thing was for oil, and they keep lying about it, lying and lying and lying. And now there's tortured people all over the place. Meanwhile the economy's sputtering along, and another election comes up. The Kid wins this one, by a squeaker, 'cause the other guy wasn't likable enough. So people are starting to question the whole war thing, just a little, and the country we invaded is in the shitter two years later, and nobody wants to leave for fear it'll get even worse. And then.."

The agent leans forward in his chair. "NOW what?"

"Okay, big finish now. A category 4 hurricane comes in and wipes out half the Gulf Coast! Just flattens everything for hundreds of miles around. And the levees in New Orleans break, cause the kid cut the budget for them to finance the war, and the whole city is flooded! Now, the rich white folks got out for the most part, but the poor folks, mostly black, get stuck at the Superdome and the Convention Center by the thousands. And get this, the kid's on vacation so they wait for four days, sleeping in their own shit, starving to death, dying of thirst, we got dead grannies in their wheelchairs and dead bodies lying on the streets and floating in the water, godawful spread of disease and filth, looters running around shooting guns, we got no organization from the government, total chaos. And the Kid, the Kid's in charge and he blames the governor for not signing the proper forms, even though she did. And the Kid turns back offers of aid and says he'll handle it, and that's what he does, he handles it right into the ground. So we got 3,000 corpses in New York, 10 or 20,000 corpses in New Orleans, we got 1800 military corpses quietly shipped home in boxes, we got untold thousands of dead Iraqis, we got Iraq in chaos, we got guys with electrodes attached to their nutsacks and piss all over their Korans, we got New Orleans underwater, we got refugees packing domed stadiums and living in shit, we got five years of blood and carnage and the economy in the crapper, and we got $4/gallon gas. Everyone gets up and takes a bow, except of course the mounds of corpses littering the stage."

The agent is completely flummoxed. Just flabbergasted. "So what the hell do you call this act?"

The guy says, with a flourish, "The Aristocrats!"

MaddCaz · 11-07-2006, 08:10 PM

ahahhahahahahahahaah

NaughtyRob · 11-07-2006, 08:11 PM

Holy shit beavis.

KittyLix · 11-07-2006, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GetNaughty

Holy shit beavis.

yeah dirtiest aristocrat joke ever!

tony286 · 11-07-2006, 08:14 PM

very funny

MorningWood Stefen · 11-07-2006, 08:15 PM

Knee Slapper!

shekinah · 11-07-2006, 08:19 PM

Nice one buddy!

KittyLix · 11-07-2006, 08:32 PM

thanks

squishypimple · 11-07-2006, 08:35 PM

Thats funny, thank you.

nAtuRaLbEautY · 11-07-2006, 09:42 PM

lol, nice one!

marketsmart · 11-07-2006, 10:47 PM

a long joke, okay im going to read it

Przemek · 11-08-2006, 02:12 AM

It's funny, but it's a sad truth either...

marko13 · 11-08-2006, 02:14 AM

long but very funny.... thanks

calibra · 11-08-2006, 02:17 AM

It's funny but too fucking long

PussyTeenies · 11-08-2006, 02:20 AM

LONG read hahahah

rodney25 · 11-08-2006, 07:45 AM

Nice joke this time.

NinjaSteve · 11-08-2006, 08:35 AM

hahaha nice one!

Czech · 11-08-2006, 08:54 AM

A little long BUT very funny

Vitasoy · 11-08-2006, 09:16 AM

Long but worth it

serch · 11-08-2006, 09:33 AM

haha good joke!

reynold · 11-08-2006, 09:34 AM

My gawd! That is so funny, mate!

Fetish Gimp · 11-08-2006, 09:41 AM

Oh wow

KittyLix · 11-08-2006, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fetish Gimp

Oh wow

that was an funny documentary !

everestcash · 11-08-2006, 11:41 AM

lol
thanks for sharing

lot · 11-08-2006, 11:57 AM

LOL, funny shit..

gecko · 11-08-2006, 01:44 PM

lol..........

woj · 11-08-2006, 02:00 PM

NoWhErE · 11-08-2006, 02:09 PM

nicely said

DamianJ · 11-08-2006, 03:38 PM

You guys *have* to see the movie that features this joke. The Aristocrats. It's basically a really old injoke told by comics to amuse themselves. It's different every time. The best version (imho) is when a mime tells the joke. Man it's funny.

TheDatingNetworkCameron · 11-08-2006, 04:19 PM

I love it. Worth the read.

Nanda · 11-08-2006, 04:26 PM

Ha! That was funny!

Lykos · 11-08-2006, 05:36 PM

too fucking long to read

lol

GetBigCash · 11-08-2006, 05:38 PM

Funny shit.

madawgz · 11-08-2006, 05:39 PM

the aristocrats rock

E$_manager · 11-08-2006, 06:29 PM

He, he

very nice.

Kimo · 11-08-2006, 07:15 PM

haha thats good shit

11-07-2006, 08:06 PM	#1
KittyLix Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 2,036	A Joke (stolen btw) So this guy walks into a talent agency and says to the agent, "Have I got an act for you! It's a family act, you'll love it." The agent says "Alright, lay it on me." The guy says, "Well, first the grandpa comes in, this is in the thirties, mind, deals with the Nazis and makes a ton of money off German banking and mining, see. He gets nailed for trading with the enemy in the war, but it doesn't matter much cause by now his family is incredibly wealthy. His son, the Father, flies a plane in the Second World War and later becomes head of the CIA, then later, vice president, and after that, a one term president. He does a half ass job and gets out, kinda sets things up for later. It's the kid, he's the real lynchpin of the act. It gets better." The agent nods, doodling on his dayplanner. "Please, continue." "The kid comes in, and starts off with avoiding Vietnam by getting a nice position in the National Guard, see? But he skips out on that gig when he doesn't need it anymore. Then he runs a series of businesses into the ground. He can't run an oil company, he can't manage a baseball team, tries to run for Congress and fails, he does drugs and boozes, has trouble with basic life skills. But since his daddy's Vice President, or later, President, he gets whatever he wants. Gets bailed out every time. He runs for governor of Texas and wins, and sets a new record for executing people. He likes to joke about the executions, too, mocking the pleas for leniency. 150-odd prisoners go to the chair under the Kid as governor. And the Kid is wearing a cowboy hat and talking in a Texas drawl the whole time, even though he's from Connecticut. But it gets better, this is just the start." The agent nods, dropping his pen. "Umm.. alright.." "The Kid doesn't just wanna be a governor, he wants to be President. So he runs for President and.. tough luck, he doesn't win. So get this, his buddies on the Supreme Court have to squeeze him in. They push and push, and finally he's President. He doodles around for a few months and then boom! Some terrorists come in and flatten a couple skyscrapers in New York. Thousands of people die, jumping out of skyscrapers and getting flattened in plane crashes, and the Kid swings into action. He starts bombing where the terrorists are hiding, and looking for them. I mean, wouldn't you? But when he can't find them in a couple months he goes after a totally different country, attacking them 'cause they had oil and his Dad had trouble with them ten or twelve years ago. He says it's because this country was the real guys who flattened those skyscrapers, because they'll do it again with weapons of mass destruction if they get the chance. So the audience is right behind him. Now there's a big ass war right on stage and bombs are flying, people getting killed left and right. And the Kid, you'll love this, underequips the soldiers being sent in, not enough armor, and makes them do police functions in a hostile country for months and months and then years after he says we won the war. And we get to torturing the Iraqis, making them stand around with electrodes on their nutsacks, raping their wives and kids in front of them, attacking them with vicious dogs, pissing on their holy books, and the audience loves it, they clap and applaud. A real crowd pleaser, that sequence. But soon the kid has gotten 1800 American troops killed, wounded thousands more, and get this there were no weapons of mass destruction at all, the whole thing was for oil, and they keep lying about it, lying and lying and lying. And now there's tortured people all over the place. Meanwhile the economy's sputtering along, and another election comes up. The Kid wins this one, by a squeaker, 'cause the other guy wasn't likable enough. So people are starting to question the whole war thing, just a little, and the country we invaded is in the shitter two years later, and nobody wants to leave for fear it'll get even worse. And then.." The agent leans forward in his chair. "NOW what?" "Okay, big finish now. A category 4 hurricane comes in and wipes out half the Gulf Coast! Just flattens everything for hundreds of miles around. And the levees in New Orleans break, cause the kid cut the budget for them to finance the war, and the whole city is flooded! Now, the rich white folks got out for the most part, but the poor folks, mostly black, get stuck at the Superdome and the Convention Center by the thousands. And get this, the kid's on vacation so they wait for four days, sleeping in their own shit, starving to death, dying of thirst, we got dead grannies in their wheelchairs and dead bodies lying on the streets and floating in the water, godawful spread of disease and filth, looters running around shooting guns, we got no organization from the government, total chaos. And the Kid, the Kid's in charge and he blames the governor for not signing the proper forms, even though she did. And the Kid turns back offers of aid and says he'll handle it, and that's what he does, he handles it right into the ground. So we got 3,000 corpses in New York, 10 or 20,000 corpses in New Orleans, we got 1800 military corpses quietly shipped home in boxes, we got untold thousands of dead Iraqis, we got Iraq in chaos, we got guys with electrodes attached to their nutsacks and piss all over their Korans, we got New Orleans underwater, we got refugees packing domed stadiums and living in shit, we got five years of blood and carnage and the economy in the crapper, and we got $4/gallon gas. Everyone gets up and takes a bow, except of course the mounds of corpses littering the stage." The agent is completely flummoxed. Just flabbergasted. "So what the hell do you call this act?" The guy says, with a flourish, "The Aristocrats!" __________________

11-07-2006, 08:10 PM	#2
MaddCaz Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Illinois Posts: 9,483	ahahhahahahahahahaah __________________ BigCocks.com - MatureWomen.com - Tranny.com - DrunkGirls.com - TeenGirls.com - MonsterCock.com and many more... Click here to see them all!

11-07-2006, 08:11 PM	#3
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11-07-2006, 08:15 PM	#6
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11-07-2006, 08:19 PM	#7
shekinah Confirmed User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 8,452	Nice one buddy! __________________ [Web Design \| Development \| Programming \| Content Writing ] ICQ: 238-890-469

11-07-2006, 08:14 PM	#5
tony286 lurker Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: atlanta Posts: 57,021	very funny

11-07-2006, 08:32 PM	#8
KittyLix Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 2,036	thanks __________________

11-07-2006, 08:35 PM	#9
squishypimple So Fucking Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: [email protected] Posts: 183	Thats funny, thank you.

11-07-2006, 09:42 PM	#10
nAtuRaLbEautY Confirmed User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 6,107	lol, nice one! __________________ Prime Outsourcing│offshore solutions│manual labor│staff leasing│full time employees starting at $695.00/month=managed and dedicated \| icq: 309570461 \| live chat

11-07-2006, 10:47 PM	#11
marketsmart HOMICIDAL TROLL KILLER Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Sunnybrook Institution for the Criminally Insane Posts: 20,419	a long joke, okay im going to read it

11-08-2006, 02:12 AM	#12
Przemek Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 417	It's funny, but it's a sad truth either... __________________ PinkMedia Cash www.fuckmypolishthroat.com - deep throat www.pigfights.com - female fights

11-08-2006, 02:14 AM	#13
marko13 Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: www.lvpshosting.com Posts: 7,512	long but very funny.... thanks __________________ We are responsible for your hosting ... Enjoy in your life. Shared hosting from $3.95 Europe Linux VPS plans from $11.37 http://www.LVPSHosting.com

11-08-2006, 02:17 AM	#14
calibra Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 4,357	It's funny but too fucking long __________________ GetCyberCash.com

11-08-2006, 02:20 AM	#15
PussyTeenies Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Haarlem and Amsterdam, capital of the porn world ;-) Posts: 6,496	LONG read hahahah __________________ Need adult hosting? Contact us! WARM Hosting Need an IT solution? or someone to check your site and security? Nossie - IT Professional

11-08-2006, 07:45 AM	#16
rodney25 Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 7,090	Nice joke this time. __________________ AFFORDABLE Hosting -- Extreme Dependability -- FULL Service ICQ ME for DAMN GOOD HOSTING DEALS: 5380773

11-08-2006, 08:35 AM	#17
NinjaSteve Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 11,089	hahaha nice one! __________________ ...

11-08-2006, 08:54 AM	#18
Czech Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 2,694	A little long BUT very funny

11-08-2006, 09:16 AM	#19
Vitasoy GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 58,202	Long but worth it __________________ [email protected]

11-08-2006, 09:33 AM	#20
serch Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 214	haha good joke!

11-08-2006, 09:34 AM	#21
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	My gawd! That is so funny, mate!

11-08-2006, 09:41 AM	#22
Fetish Gimp Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 1,699	Oh wow __________________ Strapon Seduction - femdom blog \| Twitter

11-08-2006, 11:41 AM	#24
everestcash Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 2,194	lol thanks for sharing __________________ Got solo girls/teen traffic? Promote our exclusive solo girl sites and boost your income!

11-08-2006, 11:57 AM	#25
lot Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: sheanimale.com Posts: 925	LOL, funny shit..

11-08-2006, 01:44 PM	#26
gecko ****** Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 21,846	lol.......... __________________ [email protected]

11-08-2006, 02:00 PM	#27
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11-08-2006, 02:09 PM	#28
NoWhErE Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Canada Posts: 10,381	nicely said __________________ skype: lordofthecameltoe

11-08-2006, 03:38 PM	#29
DamianJ Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: A magical land Posts: 15,808	You guys have to see the movie that features this joke. The Aristocrats. It's basically a really old injoke told by comics to amuse themselves. It's different every time. The best version (imho) is when a mime tells the joke. Man it's funny.

11-08-2006, 04:19 PM	#30
TheDatingNetworkCameron Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Toronto, Ontario Posts: 581	I love it. Worth the read. __________________ TheDatingNetwork.com Cameron Steer - Business Development Skype: Cameron.Steer3 Well sell our Email traffic! Hit me up!

11-08-2006, 04:26 PM	#31
Nanda Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: African Safari Posts: 5,310	Ha! That was funny! __________________ My Ex-husband SKULL-BUITRE ran off to Colombia with OUR money and screwed me after I helped him build OUR business. He is hiding in Colombia and never paid the settlement $ from our divorce!

11-08-2006, 05:36 PM	#32
Lykos Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: World Posts: 31,027	too fucking long to readlol __________________

11-08-2006, 05:38 PM	#33
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11-08-2006, 05:39 PM	#34
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11-08-2006, 06:29 PM	#35
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11-08-2006, 07:15 PM	#36
Kimo ... Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Maryland ICQ:87038677 Posts: 11,542	haha thats good shit __________________ ...