Presidential Speech LOL This is funny!

[Loryn]

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN, GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.


It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.


To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.


God bless America. Thank you and good night.


Now let the GFY bashing begin!

[Vendzilla]

I love this woman!!

[jimthefiend]

Lol Nice.

[ServerGenius]

The ironic thing is with the US national debt the US will soon need all the countries on list 2 to send money for aid soon. so I'd be cautious not to piss
off any of the countries on list 2 as the countries on list 1 sure as hell won't
pay

[12clicks]

if I were elected, this is what you'd get.

with a few "deludeds" "asshats" and "trolls" thrown in for spice.

[Rochard]

Nice: "Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France."

[12clicks]

Originally Posted by ServerGenius

The ironic thing is with the US national debt the US will soon need all the countries on list 2 to send money for aid soon. so I'd be cautious not to piss
off any of the countries on list 2 as the countries on list 1 sure as hell won't
pay

this is like when you're on your way to a nice restaurant in the city and as you're stepping over some homeless dude, he warns you about spending too much for dinner.

[seven]

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

elboration:

When we gave these nations "aid" it was really worded mistakenly it should have been "purchase amount" cause we were hoping that we had bought these nations out but unfortunately that "aid" was taken in the literal meaning of it. Lets correct that mistake we don't provide any nation with aid perhaps with "aids" only. We thought we'd pay for the war with the oil revenue generated from Iraq's natural resources yet have plenty left for Haliburton but things just didn't go the way we planned so we'll try to be a bit more honest from now on. You want "aid" you come kiss my ass first or you'll be given "aids" instead.

[ServerGenius]

Originally Posted by 12clicks

this is like when you're on your way to a nice restaurant in the city and as you're stepping over some homeless dude, he warns you about spending too much for dinner.

Yeah and I would be the homeless dude right

Everytime the US goes for out diner they don't pay.....they order food on credit

[Brujah]

It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America.

Funny, except -this- part would never happen. It would be just another speech that didn't actually follow up with what he promised.

[seven]

Originally Posted by Brujah

Funny, except -this- part would never happen. It would be just another speech that didn't actually follow up with what he promised.

[the Shemp]

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place of great balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed; "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!" God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the country im putting next to them...."

[psili]

That'd be one presidential speech I'd actually want to watch.

[notabook]

Originally Posted by psili

That'd be one presidential speech I'd actually want to watch.

As long as Bush was the one giving it.

[Vendzilla]

1994 November 8. Californians pass Proposition 187 with 59 percent of the vote. The initiative bans undocumented immigrants from receiving public education and public benefits such as welfare and subsidized health care, except in emergency circumstances; makes it a felony to manufacture, distribute, sell, or use false citizenship or residence documents; and requires teachers, doctors, and other city, county, and state officials to report suspected and apparent illegal aliens to the California attorney general and the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS). Governor Pete Wilson issues an executive order for state officials to begin following the initiative by cutting off government services to undocumented pregnant women and nursing home patients. On November 9, 1994, eight lawsuits are filed in state and federal courts protesting the measure.

November 16, 1994. In Los Angeles, California, Federal District Court Judge William Matthew Byrne, Jr., temporarily blocks the enforcement of Proposition 187, stating that it raises serious constitutional questions. Judge Byrne exempts the provisions that increase penalties for manufacturing or using false immigration documents.

Nothing has been done about this, illegal aliens are still sending their kids to our schools, they are getting a hot breakfast and a hot lunch, while our kids are having lack of funds for proper equipment, this is why after school programs are going away, a lot of our schools are letting go of their art classes and music classes, and why? Because of asshole political machines that can't have the time to give a shit about our children, well fuck them and the donkey or elephant they rode in on! And fuck the illegal aliens that think they have rights, hence the word ILLEGAL in ILLEGAL aliens. They don't care about our laws, they are breaking them and laughing at the US, they can do what they want, ship them back, turn off all the programs we pay for to them! Who the fuck is this judge and who does he think ke is, we voted, it's law, WTF?


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[Klen]

What else you can except for american president except act like monkey.

[Vendzilla]

Originally Posted by the Shemp

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed; "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!" God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the country im putting next to them...."

LOL, My guess for where the Shemp comes from would be canada?

[munki]

That was a great read.

[Loryn]

Originally Posted by KlenTelaris

What else you can except for american president except act like monkey.

What else do you expect from someone who can't understand what they are reading??? This is not a real speech and I even put the first sentence in all CAPS and BOLDED the terms DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN and put them in yellow. GEESH people can?t even understand something as simple as a fake funny speech, no wonder the world thinks the way they do of us, people believe joke speeches and the truth. LOL I personally think the real issue is that people don?t believe what they see, they see what they want to believe and don?t? even know they are doing that. SAD! But actions speak louder than words and we are #1 hehe

[Loryn]

Originally Posted by Vendzilla

1994 November 8. Californians pass Proposition 187 with 59 percent of the vote. The initiative bans undocumented immigrants from receiving public education and public benefits such as welfare and subsidized health care, except in emergency circumstances; makes it a felony to manufacture, distribute, sell, or use false citizenship or residence documents; and requires teachers, doctors, and other city, county, and state officials to report suspected and apparent illegal aliens to the California attorney general and the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS). Governor Pete Wilson issues an executive order for state officials to begin following the initiative by cutting off government services to undocumented pregnant women and nursing home patients. On November 9, 1994, eight lawsuits are filed in state and federal courts protesting the measure.

November 16, 1994. In Los Angeles, California, Federal District Court Judge William Matthew Byrne, Jr., temporarily blocks the enforcement of Proposition 187, stating that it raises serious constitutional questions. Judge Byrne exempts the provisions that increase penalties for manufacturing or using false immigration documents.

Nothing has been done about this, illegal aliens are still sending their kids to our schools, they are getting a hot breakfast and a hot lunch, while our kids are having lack of funds for proper equipment, this is why after school programs are going away, a lot of our schools are letting go of their art classes and music classes, and why? Because of asshole political machines that can't have the time to give a shit about our children, well fuck them and the donkey or elephant they rode in on! And fuck the illegal aliens that think they have rights, hence the word ILLEGAL in ILLEGAL aliens. They don't care about our laws, they are breaking them and laughing at the US, they can do what they want, ship them back, turn off all the programs we pay for to them! Who the fuck is this judge and who does he think ke is, we voted, it's law, WTF?


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DAMN GOOD POINT!

[reynold]

I definitely enjoyed reading that.

[rodney25]

Well done speech

[spunkmaster]

This isn't funny it was on a conservative blog over two years ago !