Joke of the Day!

hahaha, that's great!

ohoh... this will piss off [Labret]

cute.

Thats a great one... anytime something like that comes out of kids mouth so unexpected is hilarious

Here's my addition...

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire."

The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.

That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"

The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."

"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did you get a blow job, too?"



"Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head.

cute

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in
the hen house out the back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and
about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and as that
was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to
do something about it at church the next morning.

At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.

"No, no" he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up.

"No, no" he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that
doesn't belong to them."
Half the women stood up.

"No, no" he said "That wasn't what I meant either. Has anybody seen my
cock?"
All the choir boys stood up

And here's my addition....

Nick the Dragon Slayer was an official in King Arthur's court. He had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put it into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied
and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer could have cared less, and knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King -- shooed
him away with no payment made.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's loincloth. The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...

MORAL OF THE STORY ....
Pay your bills.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert, they set up their tent, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, The Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend.

"Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" ask The Lone Ranger.

Tonto ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"

The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then speaks: "Tonto you DumbAss, someone has stolen our tent."

cd, bushwacker and hoax's stuff was good.. i have to say the others were only mediocre.

Hey!

Ha ha !!
Very funny.

A couple indians were out hunting. they bagged some game and then went to go home and one says "ugh, i think we lost". other one says " what we do?"
1st one says, do like white man "fire 3 shots in air"
they fire 3 shots. wait. nothing happens after half hour. one says"now what we do?"
other one says, "do it again."
so, they fire 3 shots again. nothing happens. one says" now what?"
1st one says " do it again"
2nd one says "can't"
1st one says" why not"
2nd one says "we ran outta arrows"

this is an old one, but it still cracks me up.


one day, a bear and a rabbit were in the woods and the bear had to shit.

the bear asked the rabbit if shit ever stuck to his fur and the rabbit said "no."

"are you sure?" said the bear "i'm sure, shit never sticks to my fur" the rabbit replied.

so the bear whiped his ass with the rabbit.