Funny Joke... Worth the read - GoFuckYourself.com

SplitInfinity · 10-07-2006, 03:23 PM

To my dear wife,

During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to muss your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me that there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I had finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

To my dear husband,

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching sports on t.v.

Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling.

What I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted, and I was trying to breathe.

notabook · 10-07-2006, 03:27 PM

Six times older than Jesus and about one one-thousandth as funny.

MsWild · 10-08-2006, 08:22 AM

lol...good one

MaddCaz · 10-08-2006, 08:24 AM

hehehehehhehee

rodney25 · 10-08-2006, 10:08 PM

Congrats to all happily married couple on this board!

squishypimp · 10-08-2006, 10:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notabook

Six times older than Jesus and about one one-thousandth as funny.

lol

i thought it was cute

marketsmart · 10-08-2006, 10:17 PM

(( 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat ))

reynold · 10-08-2006, 11:53 PM

That was cool, man!

CyberHustler · 10-08-2006, 11:56 PM

heh... i chuckled

pink_pitbull · 10-09-2006, 12:11 AM

Funny and all you married ppl out there know part of this it SO true! =)*wink*wink*
xxpink_pitbull

woj · 10-09-2006, 12:19 AM

Violetta · 10-09-2006, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notabook

Six times older than Jesus and about one one-thousandth as funny.

PussyTeenies · 10-09-2006, 12:47 AM

long read but cool !

nAtuRaLbEautY · 10-09-2006, 01:11 AM

lol, nice one

martinsc · 10-09-2006, 01:20 AM

old, but still funny

MyNameIsNobody · 10-09-2006, 03:12 AM

So how is the cat doing?

en21 · 10-09-2006, 03:23 AM

hmmm sounds familiar

TGPturnkeys · 10-09-2006, 04:01 AM

nice joke, thanks

10-07-2006, 03:23 PM	#1
SplitInfinity Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 3,047	Funny Joke... Worth the read To my dear wife, During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be asleep 22 times you had a headache 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby 16 times you said you were too sore 12 times it was the wrong time of the month 19 times you had to get up early 9 times you said weren't in the mood 7 times you were sunburned 6 times you were watching the late show 5 times you didn't want to muss your new hairdo 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us 9 times you said your mother would hear us Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: 6 times you just laid there 8 times you reminded me that there's a crack in the ceiling 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I had finished 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move To my dear husband, I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did: 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat 36 times you did not come home at all 21 times you didn't come 33 times you came too soon 19 times you went soft before you got in 38 times you worked too late 10 times you got cramps in your toes 29 times you had to get up early to play golf 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running 2 times you had a splinter in your finger 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book 98 times you were too busy watching sports on t.v. Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted, and I was trying to breathe.

10-07-2006, 03:27 PM	#2
notabook Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Not a Library! Posts: 9,748	Six times older than Jesus and about one one-thousandth as funny. __________________

10-08-2006, 08:22 AM	#3
MsWild Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 2,803	lol...good one __________________ Always the biggest checks: [img]http://****************/sig/fhv3_j2_624x80_2.gif[/img]

10-08-2006, 08:24 AM	#4
MaddCaz Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Illinois Posts: 9,483	hehehehehhehee __________________ BigCocks.com - MatureWomen.com - Tranny.com - DrunkGirls.com - TeenGirls.com - MonsterCock.com and many more... Click here to see them all!

10-08-2006, 10:08 PM	#5
rodney25 Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 7,090	Congrats to all happily married couple on this board! __________________ AFFORDABLE Hosting -- Extreme Dependability -- FULL Service ICQ ME for DAMN GOOD HOSTING DEALS: 5380773

10-08-2006, 10:17 PM	#7
marketsmart HOMICIDAL TROLL KILLER Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Sunnybrook Institution for the Criminally Insane Posts: 20,419	(( 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat ))

10-08-2006, 11:53 PM	#8
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	That was cool, man!

10-08-2006, 11:56 PM	#9
CyberHustler So Fucking Banned Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 26,062	heh... i chuckled

10-09-2006, 12:11 AM	#10
pink_pitbull Registered User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: 469-227-509 Posts: 36	Funny and all you married ppl out there know part of this it SO true! =)winkwink* xxpink_pitbull

10-09-2006, 12:19 AM	#11
woj <&(©¿©)&> Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Chicago Posts: 47,882	__________________ Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000 Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager

10-09-2006, 12:47 AM	#13
PussyTeenies Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Haarlem and Amsterdam, capital of the porn world ;-) Posts: 6,496	long read but cool ! __________________ Need adult hosting? Contact us! WARM Hosting Need an IT solution? or someone to check your site and security? Nossie - IT Professional

10-09-2006, 01:11 AM	#14
nAtuRaLbEautY Confirmed User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 6,107	lol, nice one __________________ Prime Outsourcing│offshore solutions│manual labor│staff leasing│full time employees starting at $695.00/month=managed and dedicated \| icq: 309570461 \| live chat

10-09-2006, 01:20 AM	#15
martinsc Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: 127.0.0.1 Posts: 27,047	old, but still funny __________________ Make Money

10-09-2006, 03:12 AM	#16
MyNameIsNobody Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Swedän Posts: 2,947	So how is the cat doing? __________________ MyNameIsNobody - ICQ: 279-601-583

10-09-2006, 03:23 AM	#17
en21 Confirmed User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2,640	hmmm sounds familiar __________________ Free Asian Sex : http://www.asian4free.com Free Amateur Sex : http://www.lustamateur.com Free Porn : http://www.mysexbookmark.com Free Sex : http://www.goliathlist.com Free Hardcore : http://www.xlust.com Sex For Free : http://www.sexforfee.com

10-09-2006, 04:01 AM	#18
TGPturnkeys Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: tgpturnkeys.com Posts: 879	nice joke, thanks __________________ 23 Wordpress & TGP designs - only $50 - HOT DEAL