Ban Bread = Less Death - GoFuckYourself.com

Anthony · 09-28-2006, 10:50 AM

!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!!

Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

This article was written by B.S. Wheatberry in a desert after consuming mass quantities of yeast bread then realizing his canteen was empty. (seriously :P )

Machete_ · 09-28-2006, 10:56 AM

are you a negro?

J. Falcon · 09-28-2006, 10:56 AM

wtf is this post about

ssp · 09-28-2006, 10:57 AM

How about cornbread?

CaptainHowdy · 09-28-2006, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ebus_dk

are you a negro?

!!

Dollarmansteve · 09-28-2006, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by J. Falcon

wtf is this post about

sometimes, you dont get the joke.

and that's ok.

SmokeyTheBear · 09-28-2006, 11:02 AM

hmm seems like someone stole my idea.. ( im curious did you think this up or copy it from somehwere ?)

I have always had a running joke about the term addiction.

I usually use WATER or SALT as examples instead of bread because lots of people dont eat bread but EVERYONE east salt and drinks water. and it makes the stats better

100% of all crack addicts started on salt !!!

Phoenix · 09-28-2006, 11:05 AM

hahaban bread and while you are at it..koolaid...all those koolaid drinking mofos are crazy

CDSmith · 09-28-2006, 11:05 AM

Highly amusing. :D (esp #'s 11 & 12)

But there may be some truth to parts of it, with respect to white bread anyway.

I eat only breads made from whole grains... rye, 100% wheat, etc.

pr0 · 09-28-2006, 11:05 AM

i fucking love it

shows the ridiculousness of gun control & prohibition of drugs

Anthony · 09-28-2006, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ebus_dk

are you a negro?

Only in the pants, baby.

(For those that personally know me, they will understand this joke)

Machete_ · 09-28-2006, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anthony

Only in the pants, baby.

(For those that personally know me, they will understand this joke)

Yeah, I bet they like the irony

Anthony · 09-28-2006, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ebus_dk

Yeah, I bet they like the irony

Ebus, are we friends?!

09-28-2006, 10:50 AM	#1
Anthony Keyboard Warrior Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: One of the outer rings of Hell Posts: 9,653	Ban Bread = Less Death !!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!! Research on bread indicates that: 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month! 6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis. 7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days. 8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts. 9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person. 10. Newborn babies can choke on bread. 11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute. 12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made: 1. No sale of bread to minors. 2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers. 3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread. 4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage. 5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools. This article was written by B.S. Wheatberry in a desert after consuming mass quantities of yeast bread then realizing his canteen was empty. (seriously :P ) __________________

09-28-2006, 10:56 AM	#3
J. Falcon www.AdultCopywriters.com Industry Role: Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 31,618	wtf is this post about __________________ Adult Copywriters SEO Content for Porn Sites sales at adultcopywriters dot com

09-28-2006, 11:02 AM	#7
SmokeyTheBear ►SouthOfHeaven Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: PlanetEarth MyBoardRank: GerbilMaster My-Penis-Size: extralarge MyWeapon: Computer Posts: 28,609	hmm seems like someone stole my idea.. ( im curious did you think this up or copy it from somehwere ?) I have always had a running joke about the term addiction. I usually use WATER or SALT as examples instead of bread because lots of people dont eat bread but EVERYONE east salt and drinks water. and it makes the stats better 100% of all crack addicts started on salt !!! __________________ hatisblack at yahoo.com

09-28-2006, 11:05 AM	#8
Phoenix BACON BACON BACON Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Poems everybody, the laddie fancies himself a poet Posts: 35,462	hahaban bread and while you are at it..koolaid...all those koolaid drinking mofos are crazy __________________ Skype Phoenixskype1 Telegram PhoenixBrad https://quantads.io

09-28-2006, 11:05 AM	#9
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Highly amusing. :D (esp #'s 11 & 12) But there may be some truth to parts of it, with respect to white bread anyway. I eat only breads made from whole grains... rye, 100% wheat, etc. __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

09-28-2006, 10:56 AM	#2
Machete_ WINNING! Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 14,579	are you a negro?

09-28-2006, 10:57 AM	#4
ssp Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 7,990	How about cornbread?

09-28-2006, 11:05 AM	#10
pr0 rockin tha trailerpark Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: ~Coastal~ Posts: 23,088	i fucking love it shows the ridiculousness of gun control & prohibition of drugs __________________ __________ Loadedca$h - get sum! - Revengebucks - mmm rebills! - webair (gotz sErVrz)