How To Clean Your Pussy..... - GoFuckYourself.com

Loki · 08-17-2006, 09:08 PM

How To Clean Your Pussy.....

* Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)

* Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask and a long-sleeve flak jacket.

* Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water.

* Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product- testing experiment for J.C. Penney.)

* Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more that two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record is -- for cats -- three latherings, so don't expect too much.)

* Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semipermanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.

In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.

You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But, at least now he smells a lot better.

StickyGreen · 08-17-2006, 09:09 PM

one time i tried to give my ex-girlfriend's cat a bath...holy shit. i will never try that again, that lil motherfucker mauled the shit outta me like he was fighting for his life...

c-lo · 08-17-2006, 09:12 PM

Front to back works, too.

later
c-lo

Loki · 08-17-2006, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StickyGreen

one time i tried to give my ex-girlfriend's cat a bath...holy shit. i will never try that again, that lil motherfucker mauled the shit outta me like he was fighting for his life...

I soooo feel your pain, I have ALWAYS been a dog man till about 8 months ago when I found a sick lil kitten out in the woods, I took him home and he's STILL here, (he really acts like a dog though so it's cool lol)

he's a cool ass cat, till bath time, EVERY TIME he gets a bath the first 10 secs are pure hell for me, then after he has bloodied me up enough and soaked me on top of that he calms down and stares at me while I finish up his bath lol

what a lil fucker

-Loki-

BoyAlley · 08-17-2006, 09:17 PM

Teh BoyAlley Was Here!

notabook · 08-17-2006, 09:18 PM

How about instead of giving it a bath, while you have it close to the water just hold it under until it drowns to death? That cat wouldn?t hesitate to do the same thing to you given half the chance. After its dead, skin it and throw away the body, but not the skin. Hang out the skin to dry on a short pole ? any cats that see it will know that you are part of the anti-cat resistance and will hesitate twice before invading your sanctuary once again. By doing this, it also makes you a target for those PETA and ALF fucks so be very wary, they love doing the work of their feline masters for them and will often randomly attack you and/or your property under the cat?s orders.

StickyGreen · 08-17-2006, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notabook

How about instead of giving it a bath, while you have it close to the water just hold it under until it drowns to death? That cat wouldn?t hesitate to do the same thing to you given half the chance. After its dead, skin it and throw away the body, but not the skin. Hang out the skin to dry on a short pole ? any cats that see it will know that you are part of the anti-cat resistance and will hesitate twice before invading your sanctuary once again. By doing this, it also makes you a target for those PETA and ALF fucks so be very wary, they love doing the work of their feline masters for them and will often randomly attack you and/or your property under the cat?s orders.

okaaaay there buddy...

Loki · 08-17-2006, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StickyGreen

okaaaay there buddy...

yeah exactly

PussyTeenies · 08-17-2006, 10:52 PM

aha... normally my cat used to jump in the pool... he loved water

effer · 08-17-2006, 11:10 PM

https://youtube.com/watch?v=J_U__dj-j2o

Taping your cat up can often restrict its mobility.

notabook · 08-17-2006, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by effer

https://youtube.com/watch?v=J_U__dj-j2o

Taping your cat up can often restrict its mobility.

Unfortunately, this doesn't work as well as the video shows. If so, humanity would have a much easier time defeating the invading threat of felinity.

Redrob · 08-17-2006, 11:19 PM

I found that long leather welder's gloves are a safe bet.

E$_manager · 08-17-2006, 11:35 PM

Tomorrow i will shave the my cat and will have to give him a bath twice a week. I will try to post the pic. That must be funny . He is Siamese. was beautyful.

msan · 08-18-2006, 08:05 AM

Heh, I haven't given my cats bath since the day I got 'em. Those lil suckers are hard to catch when they're wet.

Loki · 08-18-2006, 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by msan

Heh, I haven't given my cats bath since the day I got 'em. Those lil suckers are hard to catch when they're wet.

you just gotta hold on lol

but wait.... you have a stinky pussy???

-Loki-

08-17-2006, 09:08 PM	#1
Loki Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Michigan Posts: 4,420	How To Clean Your Pussy..... How To Clean Your Pussy..... * Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.) * Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask and a long-sleeve flak jacket. * Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the water. * Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product- testing experiment for J.C. Penney.) * Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more that two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record is -- for cats -- three latherings, so don't expect too much.) * Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semipermanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat. In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine. You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But, at least now he smells a lot better. __________________ MAKE MONEY WITH 3D TOONS! Need hosting? LokiCa$h Uses Amerinoc and love them! Skype: LokiPorn Or Email 3dloki\|at\|gmail.com

08-17-2006, 09:09 PM	#2
StickyGreen . Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 13,076	one time i tried to give my ex-girlfriend's cat a bath...holy shit. i will never try that again, that lil motherfucker mauled the shit outta me like he was fighting for his life... __________________ Refer Cam Girls and Take Home 10% of Everything They Make For Life

08-17-2006, 09:12 PM	#3
c-lo Confirmed User Join Date: May 2005 Location: On search pages, on ICQ @ 308 7 43669, and in the U.S. Posts: 925	Front to back works, too. later c-lo __________________ The AlphaPhaze Network Traffic & Hardlink Trades \| Sponsors \| Resources The adult marketing network you can trust

08-17-2006, 09:18 PM	#6
notabook Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Not a Library! Posts: 9,748	How about instead of giving it a bath, while you have it close to the water just hold it under until it drowns to death? That cat wouldn?t hesitate to do the same thing to you given half the chance. After its dead, skin it and throw away the body, but not the skin. Hang out the skin to dry on a short pole ? any cats that see it will know that you are part of the anti-cat resistance and will hesitate twice before invading your sanctuary once again. By doing this, it also makes you a target for those PETA and ALF fucks so be very wary, they love doing the work of their feline masters for them and will often randomly attack you and/or your property under the cat?s orders. __________________

08-17-2006, 10:52 PM	#9
PussyTeenies Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Haarlem and Amsterdam, capital of the porn world ;-) Posts: 6,496	aha... normally my cat used to jump in the pool... he loved water __________________ Need adult hosting? Contact us! WARM Hosting Need an IT solution? or someone to check your site and security? Nossie - IT Professional

08-17-2006, 09:17 PM	#5
BoyAlley So Fucking Gay Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 19,714	Teh BoyAlley Was Here!

08-17-2006, 11:10 PM	#10
effer Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 135	https://youtube.com/watch?v=J_U__dj-j2o Taping your cat up can often restrict its mobility. __________________ www.RapidTeens.com

08-17-2006, 11:19 PM	#12
Redrob Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: In a refrigerator box by the tracks. Posts: 4,791	I found that long leather welder's gloves are a safe bet.

08-17-2006, 11:35 PM	#13
E$_manager Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: pink adult dreams Posts: 13,557	Tomorrow i will shave the my cat and will have to give him a bath twice a week. I will try to post the pic. That must be funny . He is Siamese. was beautyful. __________________ Enjoy more sales with EnjoyBucks! Homemade: Asian : Ebony : GFs : Voyeur : Nudist : Public : 3D

08-18-2006, 08:05 AM	#14
msan Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 1,336	Heh, I haven't given my cats bath since the day I got 'em. Those lil suckers are hard to catch when they're wet. __________________ CUSTOM TOONS, BLOG THEMES and DESIGNS \| toonyshack AT gmail.com