How to poop at work... - GoFuckYourself.com

Morgan · 07-28-2006, 12:32 PM

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back
in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much
as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.
For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for
taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING

When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in
your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came
from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has
been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left
your pants.

FLY BY

The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for
other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back
again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE

A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend
it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,
pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK

When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This
is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should
happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the
bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH

The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This
reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME

Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend
that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER

A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often
see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or
magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out
Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)

A group of co-workers who band to gather to ensure emergency pooping
goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the
whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS

A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.
This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR

Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to
force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable
moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs,
remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will
avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH

A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you
are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert
potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an
ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE

A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you
are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is
occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the
pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON

A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is
also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,
create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

xclusive · 07-28-2006, 12:35 PM

lol this might be the most useful post on gfy ever

CamsLord · 07-28-2006, 12:36 PM

thats fucking hilarious

majorbitch · 07-28-2006, 12:48 PM

HAHAHA.. i never laughed so hard in my life. Good post, good post .

gdog · 07-28-2006, 12:50 PM

SAFE HAVENS

A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.
This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

amen to this establishment

Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE · 07-28-2006, 01:09 PM

i give this thread 2 thumbs up

Morgan · 07-28-2006, 02:10 PM

it's all true...

Morgan · 07-28-2006, 02:10 PM

i often use the "courtesy flush" method

woj · 07-28-2006, 02:19 PM

PantieZ · 07-28-2006, 02:23 PM

thx man .... go suck a fart

stickyfingerz · 07-28-2006, 02:31 PM

Work from home and have 3 bathrooms in different sections of the house. This ensures enough privacy to poop without worry of someone hearing you.

sikrit31 · 07-28-2006, 02:33 PM

nice techniques! lol now if only i can find a job

BluewireAngie · 07-28-2006, 02:47 PM

thread of the day!

WebairGerard · 07-28-2006, 02:50 PM

very funny and true post!

Morgan · 07-28-2006, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stickyfingerzdotnet

Work from home and have 3 bathrooms in different sections of the house. This ensures enough privacy to poop without worry of someone hearing you.

excactly, except double the bathrooms

!

Scott McD · 07-28-2006, 03:36 PM

I was looking for this post a while back.

Excellent stuff...

Morgan · 07-28-2006, 03:39 PM

It's a whole 3 hours in it's infancy.

you must be smoking better herb than i am!

bastardsquad · 07-28-2006, 03:50 PM

this was a good laugh...

thanks...

WEGCash Robert · 07-28-2006, 04:15 PM

LMAO that is great!

cliffom · 07-28-2006, 04:27 PM

Classic. Thanks for the friday humor.

stickyfingerz · 07-28-2006, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morgan

excactly, except double the bathrooms

!

Eh Im happy with my 3 hehe.

Vitasoy · 07-29-2006, 06:15 AM

That is great. lol

martinsc · 07-29-2006, 06:16 AM

hahahahahahaha

donross · 07-29-2006, 09:35 AM

lol.... funny.. and really true.. i was a FLY BYERs when i used to work in an outsourcing company.. i scout in ladies bathroom... i dont poop on gents bathroom coz its disgusting... esp. when you see some piss spill scattered on the bowl...

Kimo · 07-29-2006, 10:10 AM

pooping at work sucks

E$_manager · 07-29-2006, 10:28 AM

as far as i am workiking in lonelyness..... i don't really need your advises

Morgan · 07-29-2006, 11:50 AM

bump for the saturday poopers

Pete-KT · 07-31-2006, 06:45 AM

See Sig

yahoo-xxx-girls.com · 07-31-2006, 06:53 AM

What do I say to add to this thread? Other then it soooo sick !

Later,

ajrocks · 07-31-2006, 07:26 AM

Wow you've put some real thought into this. Thanks for the tips, I hate Turd BURGLARs

07-28-2006, 12:32 PM	#1
Morgan Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Location: Corona Del Mar, CA Posts: 10,520	How to poop at work... We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. CROP DUSTING When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants. FLY BY The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. ESCAPEE A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. WALK OF SHAME Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) A group of co-workers who band to gather to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVENS A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. __________________ PornstarPlatinum.com \| TransErotica.com

07-28-2006, 12:35 PM	#2
xclusive Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Buffalo, NY Posts: 35,218	lol this might be the most useful post on gfy ever __________________ I support MediumPimpin.com / Shemp's Outlawtgp.com /

07-28-2006, 12:36 PM	#3
CamsLord Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 3,663	thats fucking hilarious __________________ sig for sale - pornpicz(at)gmail.com

07-28-2006, 12:48 PM	#4
majorbitch Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 708	HAHAHA.. i never laughed so hard in my life. Good post, good post . __________________

07-28-2006, 12:50 PM	#5
gdog Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: San Diego Posts: 1,550	SAFE HAVENS A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. amen to this establishment __________________ Busty Amateurs is Back - Meet the Girls \| Read the BLOG \| See the UPDATES High conversions and high retention, almost 1000 hosted galleries 995 PAYS Samples Big Boobs \| Busty Babes \| Strap Ons \| Hardcore \| Amateurs \| Videos

07-28-2006, 01:09 PM	#6
Bro Media - BANNED FOR LIFE MOBILE PORN: IMOBILEPORN Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Tinseltown NL Posts: 16,502	i give this thread 2 thumbs up

07-28-2006, 02:10 PM	#7
Morgan Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Location: Corona Del Mar, CA Posts: 10,520	it's all true... __________________ PornstarPlatinum.com \| TransErotica.com

07-28-2006, 02:10 PM	#8
Morgan Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Location: Corona Del Mar, CA Posts: 10,520	i often use the "courtesy flush" method __________________ PornstarPlatinum.com \| TransErotica.com

07-28-2006, 02:19 PM	#9
woj <&(©¿©)&> Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Chicago Posts: 47,882	__________________ Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000 Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager

07-28-2006, 02:23 PM	#10
PantieZ Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Panty Land Posts: 1,441	thx man .... go suck a fart

07-28-2006, 02:31 PM	#11
stickyfingerz Doin fine Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 24,984	Work from home and have 3 bathrooms in different sections of the house. This ensures enough privacy to poop without worry of someone hearing you.

07-28-2006, 02:33 PM	#12
sikrit31 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 49	nice techniques! lol now if only i can find a job __________________

07-28-2006, 02:47 PM	#13
BluewireAngie Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Makati Posts: 4,643	thread of the day! __________________ Web Design & Programming - Creative Mainstream Style Web Design and Programming PORTFOLIO Custom Cartoons - High Quality Cartoon Studio PORTFOLIO Offshore Staff - Save Money & Grow Faster With Dedicated Offshore Staff PRICING ICQ:282-072-512

07-28-2006, 02:50 PM	#14
WebairGerard Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 8,113	very funny and true post! __________________

07-28-2006, 03:36 PM	#16
Scott McD Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Posts: 67,795	I was looking for this post a while back. Excellent stuff... __________________ I Buy My High Quality Traffic Here, You Should Too!

07-28-2006, 03:39 PM	#17
Morgan Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Location: Corona Del Mar, CA Posts: 10,520	It's a whole 3 hours in it's infancy. you must be smoking better herb than i am! __________________ PornstarPlatinum.com \| TransErotica.com

07-28-2006, 03:50 PM	#18
bastardsquad Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Tampa,FL Posts: 529	this was a good laugh... thanks... __________________ - White Label Options – Geotargeted and Dynamic Ads Eroticy Affiliate Manager-ICQ=216379335 AIM=eroticypaulv PaulV(at)Eroticy(dot)com Straight, Gay, and Swing Communities. -Hit me up and let's do business.

07-28-2006, 04:15 PM	#19
WEGCash Robert Confirmed User Join Date: May 2006 Location: NC Posts: 638	LMAO that is great! __________________ Robert Sons [email protected] icq - 248328178

07-28-2006, 04:27 PM	#20
cliffom Registered User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 35	Classic. Thanks for the friday humor.

07-29-2006, 06:15 AM	#22
Vitasoy GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 58,202	That is great. lol __________________ [email protected]

07-29-2006, 06:16 AM	#23
martinsc Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: 127.0.0.1 Posts: 27,047	hahahahahahaha __________________ Make Money

07-29-2006, 09:35 AM	#24
donross Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 1,295	lol.... funny.. and really true.. i was a FLY BYERs when i used to work in an outsourcing company.. i scout in ladies bathroom... i dont poop on gents bathroom coz its disgusting... esp. when you see some piss spill scattered on the bowl... __________________ Email: [email protected] \| Skype: ross.alcazar

07-29-2006, 10:10 AM	#25
Kimo ... Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Maryland ICQ:87038677 Posts: 11,542	pooping at work sucks __________________ ...

07-29-2006, 10:28 AM	#26
E$_manager Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: pink adult dreams Posts: 13,557	as far as i am workiking in lonelyness..... i don't really need your advises __________________ Enjoy more sales with EnjoyBucks! Homemade: Asian : Ebony : GFs : Voyeur : Nudist : Public : 3D

07-29-2006, 11:50 AM	#27
Morgan Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Location: Corona Del Mar, CA Posts: 10,520	bump for the saturday poopers __________________ PornstarPlatinum.com \| TransErotica.com

07-31-2006, 06:45 AM	#28
Pete-KT Workin With The Devil Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: West Bloomfield, MI Posts: 51,532	See Sig

07-31-2006, 06:53 AM	#29
yahoo-xxx-girls.com Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 3,143	This thread is sick... I just wanted to put that on record ! What do I say to add to this thread? Other then it soooo sick ! Later, __________________ sig too big

07-31-2006, 07:26 AM	#30
ajrocks Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: On Uranus Posts: 4,526	Wow you've put some real thought into this. Thanks for the tips, I hate Turd BURGLARs __________________ SEO Strategy - Digital Strategy - Cannabis Lead Generation Skype aj.durden1