Most unbelieveable cab ride of my life last night. this is long but funny.
AaronM, buffed body and myself decide to goto a strip club. Being the genious I am I paid a bum $5 for info on the best place. He HIGHLY recomended the Grand Prix - a club 45 min out of town. Ok - no problem, we want the best right? We grab a cab and the cabbie doesn't speak 3 words of english and from the looks of him I really don't think he was speaking proper french either. We ask if he knows the 'grand prix' and he assures us he does. After several circles on a few streets we realize he doesn't have a clue where he is going. So we say so and he pulls over and asks ANOTHER cabbie how to get there. He gets detailed directions, and I tell the guys why not bail out on this cab and just go with the cabbie who KNOWS how to get there. No No NO, we mustent do that... anyway - off we go down some freeway at 70km when all traffic is doing 110km. All cars are wizzing past us. We knew something was wrong. He kept phoning different people and babbeling in french then suddenly Aaron realized he was reading the street signs as we passed them and still asking for directions. We make a turn onto some deserted road in the woods and then he stops in the middle of the road and basically has a bain fart. He starts up and gos to a dunken donuts, bangs on the door looking for someone to give him directions but no one answers him. He asks a couple cars and they all give him the finger. The he goes back to the closed donut shop for some reason. nothing. AaronM 'accendently' bumps the meter and resets it - the idiot doesn't notice - there was $50 on the meter at this point. we start driving aimlessly until buffed body suddenly blurts out " I know EXACTLY where we are'. Silence in the cab and everyone looks at him. He stats with absolute authority "SMACK DAB in the MIDDLE OF BUTT FUCK NOWHERE' .
The cabbie wasn't impressed, but AaronM and I were laughing soo hard he couldn't do anything and if he did he's have to admit he spoke english. Anyway - off we go and he pulls into a residential driveway. He as LOST controll of us to laughter, we think he's gona knock on this stranger's house at 11pm and ask directions to a strip club. He opens the door, but decides against it. Aaron siezes the moment to reset the meter again. We drive aimlessly about mostly cause noone will answer the phone again for this guy as he's trying many numbers with no luck to get more directions. Then Buffed thinks maybe he's leading us to a trap where a bunch of guys will rob us. We think about it, but decide that even if it's true this guy could NEVER co-ordanate the directions. We pass a factory or something called CCUM (no joke - no pun of ccbill either) and can't speak due to laughter for some time. Finally the cabbie begs some car for directions. We pass this big chicken/roster (cock) restraunt and get lost again. Many miles later buffed body starts saying "right at the cock, right at the cock, not left. He said right'
We turn around and go by the big cock again. I can hardly speak for laughter. We've been in this cab well over an hour now. FInally he gives up and pulls over and says he can't find it. I look across the street and guess what, there is the Grand Prix strip club. We pile out and flip him a few bucks. He insists we take his cell number to call him for a ride back. We take it and toss it in the ditch. Walking would have been faster. That's a cab ride I'll never forget.
AaronM, buffed body and myself decide to goto a strip club. Being the genious I am I paid a bum $5 for info on the best place. He HIGHLY recomended the Grand Prix - a club 45 min out of town. Ok - no problem, we want the best right? We grab a cab and the cabbie doesn't speak 3 words of english and from the looks of him I really don't think he was speaking proper french either. We ask if he knows the 'grand prix' and he assures us he does. After several circles on a few streets we realize he doesn't have a clue where he is going. So we say so and he pulls over and asks ANOTHER cabbie how to get there. He gets detailed directions, and I tell the guys why not bail out on this cab and just go with the cabbie who KNOWS how to get there. No No NO, we mustent do that... anyway - off we go down some freeway at 70km when all traffic is doing 110km. All cars are wizzing past us. We knew something was wrong. He kept phoning different people and babbeling in french then suddenly Aaron realized he was reading the street signs as we passed them and still asking for directions. We make a turn onto some deserted road in the woods and then he stops in the middle of the road and basically has a bain fart. He starts up and gos to a dunken donuts, bangs on the door looking for someone to give him directions but no one answers him. He asks a couple cars and they all give him the finger. The he goes back to the closed donut shop for some reason. nothing. AaronM 'accendently' bumps the meter and resets it - the idiot doesn't notice - there was $50 on the meter at this point. we start driving aimlessly until buffed body suddenly blurts out " I know EXACTLY where we are'. Silence in the cab and everyone looks at him. He stats with absolute authority "SMACK DAB in the MIDDLE OF BUTT FUCK NOWHERE' .
The cabbie wasn't impressed, but AaronM and I were laughing soo hard he couldn't do anything and if he did he's have to admit he spoke english. Anyway - off we go and he pulls into a residential driveway. He as LOST controll of us to laughter, we think he's gona knock on this stranger's house at 11pm and ask directions to a strip club. He opens the door, but decides against it. Aaron siezes the moment to reset the meter again. We drive aimlessly about mostly cause noone will answer the phone again for this guy as he's trying many numbers with no luck to get more directions. Then Buffed thinks maybe he's leading us to a trap where a bunch of guys will rob us. We think about it, but decide that even if it's true this guy could NEVER co-ordanate the directions. We pass a factory or something called CCUM (no joke - no pun of ccbill either) and can't speak due to laughter for some time. Finally the cabbie begs some car for directions. We pass this big chicken/roster (cock) restraunt and get lost again. Many miles later buffed body starts saying "right at the cock, right at the cock, not left. He said right'
We turn around and go by the big cock again. I can hardly speak for laughter. We've been in this cab well over an hour now. FInally he gives up and pulls over and says he can't find it. I look across the street and guess what, there is the Grand Prix strip club. We pile out and flip him a few bucks. He insists we take his cell number to call him for a ride back. We take it and toss it in the ditch. Walking would have been faster. That's a cab ride I'll never forget.
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