Mens Rules - GoFuckYourself.com

Rand · 06-10-2006, 09:41 AM

Apologies if this has been posted before. But this was too good not to share.

Men's Rules
Women should learn these!

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.

marketsmart · 06-10-2006, 09:55 AM

Man Law.....

LittleSassy · 06-10-2006, 10:03 AM

LOL. definitely you're on the couch tonight :D

Rand · 06-10-2006, 10:10 AM

In summation.....

gimo33 · 06-10-2006, 10:17 AM

lol... gotta agree with that

WiredGuy · 06-10-2006, 10:24 AM

haha, thanks Rand, that was awesome.
WG

Jill_J · 06-10-2006, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rand

In summation.....

yep, brilliant

babedirect · 06-10-2006, 10:36 AM

If you like that read you should check out http://www.liquorwits.com/code.html for the official "man code"

SgtStrider · 06-10-2006, 10:44 AM

Dont worry bro, Im feeling ya, and Im sure so are the other guys

he-fox · 06-10-2006, 10:44 AM

lol...great read, and true!

Matiz · 06-10-2006, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rand

In summation.....

06-10-2006, 09:41 AM	#1
Rand Industry Vet Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Santa Monica, CA Posts: 2,663	Mens Rules Apologies if this has been posted before. But this was too good not to share. Men's Rules Women should learn these! Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again! Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We don't remember dates. . . .Period!! Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!! If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.) BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping. __________________ -- Rand Payment Industry - Communications - Quality Assurance

06-10-2006, 10:03 AM	#3
LittleSassy Confirmed User Join Date: May 2005 Location: behind you Posts: 7,402	LOL. definitely you're on the couch tonight :D __________________ Proadultoutsourcing.com ~ version 2.0 OFFSHORE SOLUTIONS PROVIDER SINCE 2003 ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE 264-580-554

06-10-2006, 10:10 AM	#4
Rand Industry Vet Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Santa Monica, CA Posts: 2,663	In summation..... __________________ -- Rand Payment Industry - Communications - Quality Assurance

06-10-2006, 10:17 AM	#5
gimo33 Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 5,599	lol... gotta agree with that __________________ Galleries that sells www.highendcreatives.com Avail of the $10 per gallery, promo!! Highend Designs at Low Price. Contact us now!

06-10-2006, 10:24 AM	#6
WiredGuy Pounding Googlebot Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 34,487	haha, thanks Rand, that was awesome. WG __________________ I play with Google.

06-10-2006, 09:55 AM	#2
marketsmart HOMICIDAL TROLL KILLER Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Sunnybrook Institution for the Criminally Insane Posts: 20,419	Man Law.....

06-10-2006, 10:36 AM	#8
babedirect Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 451	If you like that read you should check out http://www.liquorwits.com/code.html for the official "man code" __________________ ::insert your mom's face here:: ICQ: 314-567-701 \| AIM: babedirect

06-10-2006, 10:44 AM	#9
SgtStrider Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Your moms house! Posts: 1,196	Dont worry bro, Im feeling ya, and Im sure so are the other guys __________________ 5% Webmaster Referrals - 45% Payouts - Exclusive Content Sgt Strider http://www.JustJassie.com [email protected] ICQ: 227-437-902

06-10-2006, 10:44 AM	#10
he-fox Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Playa del Carmen, Mexico Posts: 2,884	lol...great read, and true!