Old Persons WAL*MART Application (good read!) - GoFuckYourself.com

madawgz · 05-05-2006, 08:04 AM

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen
submitted to Walmart in Arkansas.

They hired him because he was so funny...

NAME: George Martin

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying
here in the first place?

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style

severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m.
Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more
intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a

fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest
thing
since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE...7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

madawgz · 05-05-2006, 08:15 AM

bump for a friday laugh

The Duck · 05-05-2006, 08:15 AM

hehe oldie but goodie

martinsc · 05-05-2006, 08:20 AM

old, but good

Pipecrew · 05-05-2006, 08:44 AM

Isnt that stolen from the mcdonalds kid application

SilverTab · 05-05-2006, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pipecrew

Isnt that stolen from the mcdonalds kid application

yeah but the joke is so old, the kid is 75 now

hehe j/k its still a good one

Manowar · 05-05-2006, 09:21 AM

hahahahaha

BluewireAngie · 05-05-2006, 09:26 AM

lol!!!! hahaha....

Syl · 05-05-2006, 10:20 AM

Hahahahah!

StuartD · 05-05-2006, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madawgz

an actual job application

Everything on the interweb is the real deal.

CaptainWolfy · 05-05-2006, 10:28 AM

hahaha that's funny

05-05-2006, 08:04 AM	#1
madawgz 8.8.8.8 Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Noordermarkt Posts: 30,509	*Old Persons WALMART Application (good read!)** This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny... NAME: George Martin SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place? DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE...7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. __________________ TAEMDLRMSKRJIXMRLSMRJ.

05-05-2006, 08:15 AM	#2
madawgz 8.8.8.8 Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Noordermarkt Posts: 30,509	bump for a friday laugh __________________ TAEMDLRMSKRJIXMRLSMRJ.

05-05-2006, 08:15 AM	#3
The Duck Adult Content Provider Industry Role: Join Date: May 2005 Location: Europe Posts: 18,243	hehe oldie but goodie __________________ Skype Horusmaia ICQ 41555245 Email [email protected]

05-05-2006, 08:20 AM	#4
martinsc Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: 127.0.0.1 Posts: 27,047	old, but good __________________ Make Money

05-05-2006, 09:26 AM	#8
BluewireAngie Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Makati Posts: 4,643	lol!!!! hahaha.... __________________ Web Design & Programming - Creative Mainstream Style Web Design and Programming PORTFOLIO Custom Cartoons - High Quality Cartoon Studio PORTFOLIO Offshore Staff - Save Money & Grow Faster With Dedicated Offshore Staff PRICING ICQ:282-072-512

05-05-2006, 08:44 AM	#5
Pipecrew Master of Gfy.com Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 14,887	Isnt that stolen from the mcdonalds kid application

05-05-2006, 09:21 AM	#7
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528	hahahahaha

05-05-2006, 10:20 AM	#9
Syl Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: AZ Posts: 1,953	Hahahahah! __________________ Syl ICQ 304 908 973 [email protected]

05-05-2006, 10:28 AM	#11
CaptainWolfy Playa Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Somewhere on the Earth Posts: 8,439	hahaha that's funny