Funny Stripper Rant - GoFuckYourself.com

james_clickmemedia · 04-20-2006, 03:46 PM

Stripper Rant

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: 2006-03-27, 3:42PM PST

1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.

2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you.

3) You with the thick-ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?

4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.

5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.

7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.

8)If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.

9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit.

12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any.

16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!!

17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance with guys in dark pants.

18) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra.

19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!

20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance.

21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.

22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.

23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker!

25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite.

26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. If you want a fuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you some recommendations for a small fee.

27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

29)Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak.

31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't know all the words.

33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk.

35) Hey DJ! You suck!

36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.

37)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you fucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, or Bjork. For the love of God, Please.

__________________

hova · 04-20-2006, 03:49 PM

some funny ones

wdsguy · 04-20-2006, 03:52 PM

haha too true.

Mr.Right - Banned For Life · 04-20-2006, 03:59 PM

majorbitch · 04-20-2006, 04:04 PM

hahaha cute.

Azlord · 04-20-2006, 04:10 PM

6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.

that's funny

Wiggles · 04-20-2006, 04:12 PM

haha those are pretty good

FilthyRob · 04-20-2006, 04:20 PM

13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income

SteveLightspeed · 04-20-2006, 04:37 PM

23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

My favorite fake stripper name is "Felony" -- I asked if she had parents named "Parole" and "Probation", and a little sister named "Misdemeanor".

uno · 04-20-2006, 04:49 PM

What's wrong with dancing to Bjork's Army of Me?

Furious_Male · 04-20-2006, 04:57 PM

23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

James Greuel · 04-20-2006, 05:18 PM

James,
Quit going to BabyDolls.

Have you tried the Fare on Greenville?

Much better attitudes.

Ycaza · 04-20-2006, 06:16 PM

another vote for 23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

once had one swear her real name was poison. bell biv devoe knew what they were talkin about.

Babagirls · 04-20-2006, 06:24 PM

22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.

lol
that chick sounds like she needs to stop dancin for a livin.

Spunky · 04-20-2006, 06:28 PM

Lol..those were great

sniperwolf · 04-20-2006, 06:33 PM

lmao... those are great.. I can just imagine

AmateurFlix · 04-20-2006, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by james_clickmemedia

36)...Tattoos should be meaningful... That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.

Brad Mitchell · 04-20-2006, 07:23 PM

That was excellent, thanks for sharing!

Brad

reynold · 04-20-2006, 07:54 PM

I just can't stop laughing from those

Pornwolf · 04-20-2006, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by uno

What's wrong with dancing to Bjork's Army of Me?

Ya know, I was just thinking the same thing.

gecko · 04-20-2006, 08:39 PM

those are great..lol

elitetec · 04-21-2006, 11:06 AM

It`s not like we don`t have enough rants!

elitetec · 04-21-2006, 11:07 AM

Bump to this thread!

Monique Niccole · 04-21-2006, 11:13 AM

these are hilarious

dragon9 · 04-21-2006, 11:27 AM

31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

This was my favorite. Have you ever been to a strip club that smells like aqua boogie.

LittleSassy · 04-21-2006, 12:15 PM

hehehehehe....some were good...

gimo33 · 04-21-2006, 12:21 PM

22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.
common sense folks

RhiannonAPM · 04-21-2006, 12:28 PM

36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.

Yes please!!!!

uno · 04-21-2006, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pornwolf

Ya know, I was just thinking the same thing.

I know for a fact they played it at Stiletto's a lot and no one ever rolled their eyes or complained.

RayBonga · 04-21-2006, 01:30 PM

What happened to number 10?

CherryLipsRosa · 04-21-2006, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RayBonga

What happened to number 10?

Good eye!

Vitasoy · 04-21-2006, 04:07 PM

Some of those are hilarious!

04-20-2006, 03:46 PM	#1
james_clickmemedia Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Texas / London Posts: 2,204	Funny Stripper Rant Stripper Rant -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: 2006-03-27, 3:42PM PST 1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already. 2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you. 3) You with the thick-ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh? 4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD. 5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you. 6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks. 7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you. 8)If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance. 9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way. 11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit. 12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does. 13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income. 14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass. 15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any. 16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!! 17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance with guys in dark pants. 18) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra. 19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck! 20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance. 21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry. 22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why. 23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle. 24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker! 25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite. 26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. If you want a fuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you some recommendations for a small fee. 27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay. 28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me. 29)Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more. 30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak. 31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy. 32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't know all the words. 33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size. 34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk. 35) Hey DJ! You suck! 36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame. 37)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you fucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, or Bjork. For the love of God, Please. __________________ __________________ $ CLICKMEMEDIA.COM $ CONVERTING ETHNIC TRAFFIC SINCE 1998 ~ $30+PPS BLACK-X.COM - NEW BLACK EX-GF SITE CLICKMEMEDIA.COM ~ ICQ - 8788771

04-20-2006, 03:49 PM	#2
hova Traffillionaire Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: ICQ:209371571 Posts: 22,430	some funny ones __________________ http://traffillions.com/ Sign up and get lifetime revshare on your traffic

04-20-2006, 04:04 PM	#5
majorbitch Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 708	hahaha cute. __________________

04-20-2006, 04:12 PM	#7
Wiggles Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 14,423	haha those are pretty good __________________ no sig

04-20-2006, 04:20 PM	#8
FilthyRob Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Anaheim - CA Posts: 6,741	13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income __________________ AKA - Clubsexy

04-20-2006, 03:52 PM	#3
wdsguy Ryde or Die Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: California-Shanghai Posts: 19,568	haha too true.

04-20-2006, 03:59 PM	#4
Mr.Right - Banned For Life I guarantee it Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 18,314

04-20-2006, 04:10 PM	#6
Azlord Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: City... City of Satan Posts: 2,651	6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks. that's funny

04-20-2006, 04:37 PM	#9
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle. My favorite fake stripper name is "Felony" -- I asked if she had parents named "Parole" and "Probation", and a little sister named "Misdemeanor". __________________ Abra-cadabra!

04-20-2006, 04:49 PM	#10
uno RIP Dodger. BEST.CAT.EVER Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: NYC Area Posts: 18,450	What's wrong with dancing to Bjork's Army of Me? __________________ -uno icq: 111-914 CrazyBabe.com - porn art MojoHost - For all your hosting needs, present and future. Tell them I sent ya!

04-20-2006, 04:57 PM	#11
Furious_Male Doing the grind since 99 Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Buffalo NY Posts: 16,881	23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle. __________________ Living in Virtual Reality Contact: Email (preferred): furiousmale .at. gmail - Skype: live:shanedws

04-20-2006, 05:18 PM	#12
James Greuel Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Texas Posts: 243	James, Quit going to BabyDolls. Have you tried the Fare on Greenville? Much better attitudes.

04-20-2006, 06:16 PM	#13
Ycaza Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: the 805 Posts: 4,290	another vote for 23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle. once had one swear her real name was poison. bell biv devoe knew what they were talkin about. __________________ Caz Thrush Head Honcho [email protected] http://thrushtech.com ICQ: 304883574 do people still icq?

04-20-2006, 06:24 PM	#14
Babagirls Text Writer Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 18,812	22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why. lol that chick sounds like she needs to stop dancin for a livin. __________________ Need a Text Writer? Blogs\|Reviews\|Descriptions\|Paysites\|TGP's\|Stories ICQ: 397892500

04-20-2006, 06:28 PM	#15
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,944	Lol..those were great __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

04-20-2006, 06:33 PM	#16
sniperwolf Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 17,743	lmao... those are great.. I can just imagine __________________ ~Accepting design works~

04-20-2006, 07:23 PM	#18
Brad Mitchell Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Southfield, MI Posts: 9,812	That was excellent, thanks for sharing! Brad __________________ President at MojoHost \| brad at mojohost dot com \| Skype MojoHostBrad 71 industry awards for hosting and professional excellence since 1999

04-20-2006, 07:54 PM	#19
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	I just can't stop laughing from those

04-20-2006, 08:39 PM	#21
gecko ****** Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 21,846	those are great..lol __________________ [email protected]

04-21-2006, 11:06 AM	#22
elitetec Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: New York Posts: 4,944	It`s not like we don`t have enough rants! __________________ Add Your Site To My PR4 Blog Selling Sig ICQ-200636146

04-21-2006, 11:07 AM	#23
elitetec Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: New York Posts: 4,944	Bump to this thread! __________________ Add Your Site To My PR4 Blog Selling Sig ICQ-200636146

04-21-2006, 11:13 AM	#24
Monique Niccole Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: San Francisco Posts: 5,653	these are hilarious

04-21-2006, 11:27 AM	#25
dragon9 Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 123	31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy. This was my favorite. Have you ever been to a strip club that smells like aqua boogie.

04-21-2006, 12:15 PM	#26
LittleSassy Confirmed User Join Date: May 2005 Location: behind you Posts: 7,402	hehehehehe....some were good... __________________ Proadultoutsourcing.com ~ version 2.0 OFFSHORE SOLUTIONS PROVIDER SINCE 2003 ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE 264-580-554

04-21-2006, 12:21 PM	#27
gimo33 Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 5,599	22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why. common sense folks __________________ Galleries that sells www.highendcreatives.com Avail of the $10 per gallery, promo!! Highend Designs at Low Price. Contact us now!

04-21-2006, 12:28 PM	#28
RhiannonAPM Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Las Vegas, NV Posts: 728	36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame. Yes please!!!! __________________ ICQ---257-820-736

04-21-2006, 01:30 PM	#30
RayBonga too cool for highschool Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: East side, West side, Worldwide! Posts: 12,164	What happened to number 10?

04-21-2006, 04:07 PM	#32
Vitasoy GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 58,202	Some of those are hilarious! __________________ [email protected]