CDSmith

Those of you who haven't seen these yet should get a kick out of them. I loved the last one.

2005 Darwin Award winners

(31 May 2005, Seattle, Washington) Strength and endurance are two of the most important characteristics that can be passed on to improve the species, so physical challenges between males are frequent. In this case, two drinking buddies found themselves on an overpass 40 feet above a busy freeway in downtown Seattle at 2:45 a.m. It turned out to be the perfect place to determine who had more strength and endurance. Whoever could dangle from the overpass the longest would win!
Unfortunately, the winner was too tired from his victory to climb back up, despite help from his 31-year-old friend. The unidentified champion fell smack into the front of a semi-truck barreling down the highway at 60 mph and bounced onto the pavement, where he was hit by a car. The car did not stop. Authorities did not identify the winner of the competition.

*********************

(16 January 2005, Florida) Two North Fort Myers residents, 23-year-old Molly and her husband, had rented a room in a local motel for some unspecified activity, perhaps involving perpetuation of the species. As Molly entered the second-floor room, she went straight for the lanai, which overlooked a concrete patio. Most guests would have seen the railing on the edge of the lanai as a safety feature, but for Molly it brought to mind fond memories of her youthful gymnastic abilities.

Molly called out to Todd, "Watch to see what I can still do." These would be her last words. She did a flip onto the railing for a handstand, just the way she used to do, then toppled over the other side, slamming into the patio 15 feet below. She was pronounced dead at the hospital.

*********************

(25 March 2005, Salina, Kansas) "At the time, he was uncooperative," said the Saline County Sheriff, describing the difficulty deputies encountered in finding the cause of a self-inflicted bullet wound. Perhaps Michael, the 27-year-old victim of his inner klutz, was simply embarrassed to admit he had managed to shoot himself in the groin with a 22-caliber bullet, while armed only with a pellet gun.

The deputy's report included no mention of alcohol, so Michael was apparently sober when he placed a bullet on a picnic table and fired at it with his air rifle. The results he expected are not known. But the experiment yielded conclusive data. As he eventually, and abashedly, explained to a detective, "a pellet from the rifle hit the shell, causing it to explode."

The bullet shot into his groin, fragmenting into an area rich with major nerves and arteries, thereby presenting an interesting challenge to Kansas City neurosurgeons. They were up to the task, and Michael was thereby depriving of winning a full Darwin Award... this time!

*********************

(29 April 2004, Brushy Fork, West Virginia) Alfred, 63, had trouble with termites at home. He had heard that natural gas was dangerous, and figured it would be a good, low-cost way to fumigate his house. So he shut the doors and windows, turned on the gas, and spent the night in a nearby camper trailer with his wife. The next morning he stepped out of the trailer, took a breath of the crisp, cool air, and strode over to his house.

When he opened the door, the slight spark from the latch ignited the cloud of natural gas that had accumulated in his home. The force of the explosion blew him off the porch and into a nearby creek, knocked out the town's telephones and electricity, and blew the doors off a church. It rattled windows and nerves six miles away.

Alfred was evacuated by helicopter with severe burns to the burn unit at the Cabell-Huntington Hospital. His house was uninsured. It is presumed that the fumigation was effective.

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HushMoney

LOL, gotta love people's stupidity!!!

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Paul Markham

Only in America.

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Xaid

did they have kids? if so the kids need to be sterilized

Manowar

hahah those own

crockett

Na he only picked the ones from America it seems...


(13 January 2005, Croatia) One fateful afternoon, 55-year-old Marko retreated to his semi-detached workshop to make himself a tool for chimney cleaning. The chimney was too high for a simple broom to work, but if he could attach a brush to a chain and then weigh it down with something, that would do the trick. But what could he use as a weight?
He happened to have the perfect object. It was heavy, yet compact. And best of all, it was made of metal, so he could weld it to the chain. He must have somehow overlooked the fact that it was also a hand grenade and was filled with explosive material.

Marko turned on his welding apparatus and began to create an arc between the chain and the grenade. As the metal heated up, the grenade exploded. The force of the explosion killed poor Marko instantly, blasting shrapnel through the walls of the shed and shattering the windshield of a Mercedes parked outside. Marko's chimney was untouched, however.


************************************************** *

(7 March 2005, Vietnam) Nguyen, 21, had been drinking with friends in Hanoi, when he pulled out an old detonator he had found. It was about six centimeters long and eight centimeters in diameter, with two wires hanging out. Because it was old and rusty, Nguyen said, it couldn't explode. His friends disagreed.
To prove his point, Nguyen put the detonator in his mouth and asked his friend to plug the dangling wires into a 220-volt electrical receptacle.

Turns out Nyugen was wrong!

The victim had little time to reflect on his mistaken, or whether 220 volts alone could have been fatal. According to police, "the explosion blew out his cheeks and smashed all his teeth." He died on the way to the hospital.


************************************************
Surprise Attack Surprise
2005 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin
(3 January 2005, St. Maurice, Switzerland) It was the first week of a weapons refresher course, and Swiss Army Grenadier Detachment 20/5 had just finished training with live ammunition. The shooting instructor ordered the soldiers to secure their weapons for a break.
The 24-year-old second lieutenant, in charge of this detachment, decided this would be a good time to demonstrate a knife attack on a soldier. Wielding his bayonet, he leaped toward one of his men, achieving complete surprise.

But earlier that week, the soldiers had been drilled to release the safety catch and ready their guns for firing in the shortest possible time. The surprised soldier, seeing his lieutenant leaping toward him with a knife, snapped off a shot to protect himself from the attack.

The lesson could not have been more successful: the soldier had saved himself and protected the rest of the detachment from a surprise attack. The lieutenant might have wished to commend his soldier on his quick action and accurate marksmanship. Unfortunately, he had been killed with one shot.

And this, kiddies, is why we don't play with knives or guns. Ever. Even if we are trained professionals, and especially if our target is a trained professional.

************************************************** *******

(28 January 2005, Pendang, Thailand) It's no secret that elephants are big. Elephants eat hundreds of pounds of food a day just to maintain their weight. Indian elephants are nine feet tall at the shoulder. They're so powerful that in Southeast Asia, males are used to haul massive tree trunks with their three-foot tusks, work performed by heavy equipment in other countries.
It's also no secret that teasing an animal makes it mad. Teasing a animal that can carry a tree with its tusks may not be a good idea. Yet that was the very idea that formed in Prawat's head, when he saw a herd of five performing elephants chained to trees outside a Buddhist temple.

While the owner waited inside for an entertainment permit, Prawat, a 50-year-old rubber-tapper, offered sugar cane to one of the ever-hungry elephants... then pulled it away. Then he did it again. And again. And again.

The game was great fun for Prawat, but the elephant quickly tired of it. The last time Prawat withdrew the treat, the elephant swung his massive tusks and gored him through the stomach. Prawat died on the way to the hospital. The elephant got his treat.

************************************************** **

(31 July 2005, Darwin, Australia) A 30-year-old resident of this aptly named town of 60,000, nestled in the Northern Territories on the Sea of Timor, just wanted to go home. But he was thwarted by two circumstances. First, he lived in an upper-level unit in a high-rise apartment building, and second, he had locked his keys in the apartment.
It was 4am. Some people do their best thinking in the wee hours of the morning, but our protagonist was not one of them. He concluded that his best course of action was to scale the outside of the building. He managed to climb a short distance before he slipped.

Luckily, a parked car was beneath him to cushion the fall. He pulled himself off the shattered windshield and, unwilling to give up after one small setback, again set out to scale the wall. This time he reached the third floor before he slipped.

He was less fortunate than before, as he landed on his head, yet also more fortunate, as this knocked him unconscious and saved him from a third attempt. He survived the fall, and was taken to Royal Darwin Hospital for treatment.

Lest outsiders get the wrong idea of Darwin, Australia, we include a comment from a sergeant on the Darwin Police force: "It doesn't happen every day," he said.

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CDSmith

Naaa, I didn't pick them. They were emailed to me by one of my many joke guys who send me funny shit daily.

Without them I would have a tough time running www.jokesbee.com :D

Your input was good too, some nice ones in there.

*Bump for the evening crowd.*

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tony286

good for a chuckle sad for those people.

CDSmith

I love the way they words these things.

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reynold

i like the last one too.
thanks for sharing.

Vitasoy

Those crack me up.. heh

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Bryan G

Fuck thats great.....

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Kevsh

Darwin, Australia?
Gotta love life's ironies ... or, cruel ironies at least!

gecko

bahahahaha! good stuff.

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LittleSassy

"It doesn't happen every day,"

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elitetec

I just hate when I must read that much. I didn`t even try

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CDSmith

You know, I see you and 1 or 2 other dolts posting this kind of useless dumbass comment on thread after thread lately. Tell me...

are you retarded?


Why the fuck even bother to post if you don't have the brain capacity to read a few paragraphs?

Posters like you are about as useful to this forum as tits on a tree trunk.

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Spunky

Must have been drug induced..those were good
(7 March 2005, Vietnam) Nguyen, 21, had been drinking with friends in Hanoi, when he pulled out an old detonator he had found. It was about six centimeters long and eight centimeters in diameter, with two wires hanging out. Because it was old and rusty, Nguyen said, it couldn't explode. His friends disagreed.
To prove his point, Nguyen put the detonator in his mouth and asked his friend to plug the dangling wires into a 220-volt electrical receptacle.

Turns out Nyugen was wrong!

The victim had little time to reflect on his mistaken, or whether 220 volts alone could have been fatal. According to police, "the explosion blew out his cheeks and smashed all his teeth." He died on the way to the hospital.

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