Priceless Quotes

[SilverTab]

taken from bash.org (I could read that site all day long)...

Basically it's just some great IRC logs:
(note... the --------------- means the quote ends..its not one big story...I know it's obvious...but Im pretty sure someone wouldve come up saying the whole thing doesn't make sense)

-------------
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> "The animals will hear!" bellowed the ear licking penguin as the awesomely endowed midget sucked her oozing charlies and plugged his purple middle leg into her festering hahahaha.
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> oops
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> wrong window
<d|syztem> what the FUCK
------------------------------
<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
<peng> ...
<peng> what?
<VolteFace`> oh shit
<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you DROP shit
--------------------------
<Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P
------------------------
<NHBoy> I broke my G-string while fingering a minor
<rycool> ...
<NHBoy> I was trying to play Knocking on Heaven's Door.
<NHBoy> Oh well, time to buy new strings.
---------------------------------
*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21
<Word_of_God> Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
<Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...
--------------------------------------------
<@Chin^> My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert
<@Chin^> just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating
<@Chin^> So she calls me a pervert again?!?
<@Chin^> there is no justice in the world...
---------------------------------------
<Quake-Hat> brad, your mom is fine as shit
<Quake-Hat> i think i will masturbate to her while i play with my balls
<bad_brad> brad had to go blow his nose, but thanks for the compliment, i will be calling your mother
<Quake-Hat> Jesus-fucking christ!!!
------------------------------------
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right
------------------------------
DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
---------------------------
<ckx> women ask for it
<ckx> they act all old and mature
<ckx> and then you stick your cock up their ass
<ckx> and they get all bitchy
<ckx> "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"
--------------------

[The Hotness]

* ab is away - gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as me it's bm
  being an asshole -          
<ab> HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS

[3M TA3]

being able to copy and paste text....priceless

[SilverTab]

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

being able to copy and paste text....priceless

bah...it was some banned text...being able to edit post: smart

[3M TA3]

being able to edit text....priceless

i fugured that's what happened....

[SilverTab]

Originally Posted by 3M TA3

being able to edit text....priceless

i fugured that's what happened....

LOL no biggy...some of the quotes ARE indeed priceless though hehe

[EdgeXXX]

*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21
<Word_of_God> Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
<Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that...

LMAO

[chadglni]

Originally Posted by EdgeXXX

LMAO

Yeah that one was great.

[EdgeXXX]

Thanks for those quotes, SilverTab. I honestly haven't laughed that hard in a LONG time.

[SilverTab]

<DemonEater> wtf
<DemonEater> ESPN is showing 2003 national jump rope championship
<DemonEater> who the hell watches jump rope competiti--- ooh bouncy

hahahaha

[chadglni]

Don't forget the classics...

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...

[2HousePlague]

try this:

Oh, how I have corrupted this! I stripped from their trembling bones the supple, joining flesh - flesh of goodness and healing. I am perdition, flowing river-like into the gaping mouths, suffocating, choking them in their sleep, as the vile liquid is busy with their innards. How unlike the sun you are, you who bask in shadow and swallow darkness like ether. I would have you spew your toxins into the eager bellies of the slain infants. But I am afraid!. See them, so innocent, suckling beside the bladder of the sow's paunch. We, who are not yet proven worthy to receive these precious gifts, must stand aside and watch as Pan, the usurper himself, comes to join the waiting virgins. How willing the unacquainted flesh! How ready to receive the slaving serpent's service of adoration. In dreams we belie the nocturnal truths that lie beneath the mists of day. We, who are not yet ready to indicate where the beast has sought his pleasures, must now relinquish to his will all that remains of our volition. While there is time still, let us drink. Before the denaturing dawn, let us tip back our glasses and peer at the disturbed grimaces of strangers through their bottoms. Bottle-bottom view, dark and blood-red. I see you there, standing beneath the Fern-fronds. You cannot hide! You are exposed!. Come forward and receive your prize, the Sultanate of Piss. I am no longer your subject, no more a slave to the rhythm of your arterial pulse. When the children we have birthed unto this land appear as freaks, all is lost. There is no time to waste. The fur is appearing on their shoulders and haunches. We must slay them in their tiny beds. They are no longer our children. See how they are driven by alien desires! The little bodies writhe and twist. See the little faces contort with pleasure, as the unseen hand of Pan fondles them. We must burn the churches and the piles of horse manure. In the plaza, there is only death, and her mistress -- lassitude. Rid us, oh loyal, usurping Pan, of this foetid plague! Come bear witness. Furrow your knowing brow beneath the rim of your winged helmet. We beseech into action the oral action-takers. Let them descend unto the upturned flutes, and coax from them the viscous, healing music of Edom. In the bazaar, the insane women are gathered to be sold. The traders swing their robes in colorful pinwheels of fabric, exposing burnished thighs and dark triangles of secret sins. The tents billow with the Scirocco wind, as the sand begins to layer grit over the camels' retinas. I lick the candle wax; it is warm like flesh. The molten people run into the cauldron of my throat. They re-form and twist inside me. Fists and feet stretch the fabric of my stomach. I nibble tenderly the small canine delicacies arrayed so colorfully on bone trays before us. We are kings! And tonight there will be record inseminations. Tomorrow the land receives its newest heirs. We spill our seed joyously upon the cactus nettles. Erda opens her mouth to accept the sacred beverage that we have warmed beneath our robes. The dancing negro is three meters tall! His body is glistening. The flames reflect menace from his unfathomable skin. He pounds his feet and purses his lips. The music is a body stretched across the grave in which we sit. Celebrant and chattel sway into the vaporous night of the veldt.

[chadglni]

<Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.

[Relish XXX]

sexy heyyyyy Adam i'm Sandra do you remember me?
DJARCAS FUCK OFF BOT
sexy same here
DJARCAS I win.

[SilverTab]

<green> We vegetarians love the environment. carnivores are sick freaks.
<Frank> How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the fucking plants
------------------
<broox> so my speakers haven't beeen working for a while
<broox> they were plugged into the mic port
<npl> umm, i think they are color-coded
<broox> haha, i know
<broox> i usually just reach back there and guess which hole it is
* npl has set the topic on channel #cell6 to <broox> i usually just reach back there and guess which hole it is
-----------------------
<Raven> Come, boy wonder! We shall rid the world of crime!
<monkeymilk> yes! together we will thwart evil-doers and criminals alike!
<Raven> To the batcave!
<monkeymilk> wait, my download just finished
<monkeymilk> 20 minutes of gun point rape
<monkeymilk> or so the description says
* monkeymilk is away - away
<Raven> ...Maybe he's trying to think up ways to save the girl. =/
<Robocop> he never said girl, could be two guys
<Raven> ...
<Raven> So, Robocop, are you prepared to clense the world of evil in the name of justice, as my trusty sidekick?
<Robocop> no i'm busy trying to find a good site for making a pipe-bomb
* Raven is starting to think IRC isn't the best place to start his superhero campaign.

[chadglni]

<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao

[chadglni]

This one brought a tear to my eye.

*** Topic in #doghouse is 'Our hearts are extended to the 17 victims of the recent internet fraud'
* Anubis has joined #doghouse
<Anubis> what fraud?
<Kadmium> You haven't heard about it?
<Anubis> no?
<Kadmium> You can read the full story at http://www.*******.com
<Anubis> omg wtf!
*** Kadmium changes topic to 'Our hearts are extended to the 18 victims of the recent internet fraud'

[2HousePlague]

ChaskissYID> Lissen, right -- the only thing that's what's not true and that's what's is true!
Memphis-TOEFL-Lees> Die Jew Bastard!
ChaskissYID> http://www.brownsteins.net/Ulpan/Images/JerryLewis.jpg

[chadglni]

<UKDJ|Planet> I swear to god
<UKDJ|Planet> I've just heard a duck tell a joke
<Jock> o...k
<UKDJ|Planet> there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live
<UKDJ|Planet> one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks
<UKDJ|Planet> then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental
<UKDJ|Planet> it looked just like duck stand-up comedy

[Superterrorizer]

<ToasterIron> guys check it out i'm going to be this awesome scientist
<ToasterIron> one day i'm going to invent a base the only melts jews on contact
<ToasterIron> i'll call it holocaustic
<Tristain> "DO NOT CONCENTRATE"

[chadglni]

<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month.... needing it by now
<@Sony> ...........
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
<Malpine> Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit

[chadglni]

Last one!

<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"

[Superterrorizer]

Chodeskius: hey whats a good name for my kitten
Shniznite: Qwerty
Chodeskius: that sounds so familiar
Chodeskius: where did u get qwerty.. oh.

[Relish XXX]

<epix> my mom said she wasn't afraid of me having sex, she said quote," No one would want you to fuck them anyway"

[Magixian]

Originally Posted by SilverTab

--------------------------
<Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P
------------------------

haha funny

[chadglni]

I lied.

<Pax> I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself.

[Relish XXX]

<moira> community name should be unique over all categories, sucks
<happy> you can't delete communities
<moira> sure you can
<moira> ask hitler

[2HousePlague]

<HoyEZOOD> I see yooooo --
<loon-e*WRKethIX> What I'm not doin' nothing wrong -- [propeller spins]
<HoyEZOOD> I see yooooo --
<loon-e*WRKethIX> ? [propeller stops spinning]
<HoyEZOOD> I see yooooo --
<loon-e*WRKethIX> :costumed-
<HoyEZOOD> :costumed-
<loon-e*WRKethIX> -- :costumed-
<HoyEZOOD>
<loon-e*WRKethIX>
<HoyEZOOD>

[Relish XXX]

Ibekev: yeah that does, I guess you never really know until you meet someone and I'm not trying to put any assumptions into any of this other than I am willing to meet new people and learn more about myself and them at the same time, I don't think you can go out there looking for you soul mate or whatever, it just happens but it won't happen if you're just sitting on your couch
Keli_86: right..i completely agree with you
Ibekev: So I guess the rule of thumb is to see this as a way to meet new friends and just see
Keli_86: you couldnt have put it any better
Ibekev: cool, so you wanna get naked and put your webcam back on?

[Relish XXX]

(ManiPan84) so what are you doing?
(OoO0O0Oo0o) taking pieces of conversations and manipulating them to suit my sadistic needs