30 facts about CHUCK NORRIS - GoFuckYourself.com

KittyLix · 01-25-2006, 06:22 PM

30 Facts about Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris? tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never
cried.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the
face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is
Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck
Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his
mother?s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged
good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability.
Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck
roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn?t
stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming.
They now play poker every second Wednesday of the
month.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard
that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in
time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying
over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in
time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot,
Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting
them. JFK?s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse? horses are hung
like Chuck Norris

To prove it isn?t that big of a deal to beat cancer.
Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for
2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only
to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.
Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and
Order are trademarked names for his left and right
legs.

Chuck Norris won ?Jumanji? without ever saying the
word. He simply beat the living daylights out of
everything that was thrown at him, and the game
forfeited.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby
Jesus the gift of ?beard?. Jesus wore it proudly to
his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus?
obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after
all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you
can?t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away
from death.

Chuck Norris doesn?t read books. He stares them down
until he gets the information he wants.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank
forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched
and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay
taxes ever.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply
pointing at her and saying ?booya?.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour.
He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his
waitress.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck
Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by
giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the
farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal,
breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that
Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does
not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather
roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no
wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo
meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before
you.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop
the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the
alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It
was more ?humane?.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his
finger, by yelling, ?Bang!?

The original theme song to the Transformers was
actually ?Chuck Norris?more than meets the eye, Chuck
Norris?robot in disguise,? and starred Chuck Norris as
a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a
pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single
show, however, so it was divided.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was
the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his
bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck
Norris.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine
as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red
Bull.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met
Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris?s wife burned the turkey one
Thanksgiving, Chuck said, ?Don?t worry about it
honey,? and went into his backyard. He came back five
minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and
when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully
cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife
asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse
kick to the face and said, ?Never question Chuck
Norris.?

The quickest way to a man?s heart is with Chuck
Norris?s fist.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always
says, ?Two seconds till.? After you ask, ?Two seconds
to what?? he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Sam Granger · 01-25-2006, 06:27 PM

Been posted before..... but still funny

http://www.gfy.com/showthread.php?t=...Chuck+Norr is

http://www.gfy.com/showthread.php?t=...Chuck+Norr is

http://www.gfy.com/showthread.php?t=...Chuck+Norr is

sixxxthsense · 01-25-2006, 06:28 PM

i found that fucking hillarious

Doctor Dre · 01-25-2006, 06:29 PM

You know ... there is a GFY search. Next time you find something a year old, please search about it ;)

KittyLix · 01-25-2006, 06:31 PM

dammit

and the search isn't workin for me

After Shock Media · 01-25-2006, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KittyLix

dammit

and the search isn't workin for me

click search then advanced search.

KittyLix · 01-25-2006, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by After Shock Media

click search then advanced search.

thanks

lazycash · 01-25-2006, 07:01 PM

nico-t · 01-25-2006, 07:12 PM

funny as fuck

CaptainHowdy · 01-25-2006, 07:39 PM

LOL... yeah... good one...

Screaming · 01-25-2006, 08:10 PM

so freaking old...

Martin3 · 01-25-2006, 08:18 PM

I bet you don't know about the google and failure trick either huh?

Jamie · 01-25-2006, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doctor Dre

You know ... there is a GFY search. Next time you find something a year old, please search about it ;)

STFU
Jesus you guys are whiners,,, don't read the thread if it bothers you so much
who let the monkey out of his cage?

TreasureBucks · 01-25-2006, 08:24 PM

anyone see the "Young Chuck Norris" video skit on SNL the other night???

man, there were a couple good skits on that episode.

The pirate convention was funny as hell.

Triple 6 · 01-25-2006, 08:34 PM

so many timeline crybabies.... speaking of 'time', are you all glad of your 'time' wasted clicking on a thread about something 'so old' you already knew about? How about the 'time' you spent replying to it?

i should make a timeline pic for when i expect you all to buy a do-it-yourself time management book... then again, i should get one myself cuz ive wasted enough of my own time crying about timeline crybabies.

lets all share a kleenex

cool1g · 01-25-2006, 08:54 PM

i just saw that list last week - apparently its a big viral email right now...

PixeLs · 01-25-2006, 10:00 PM

This thread got Chuck Norris's permission so please be careful with your replies.

rollinOn20s · 01-25-2006, 10:12 PM

Chuck Norris Only Looks One Way Before Crossing The Road

Chuck Norris Can Eat A Rubix CUbe, And Shit It Out Solved

Booyah...!

tristan_D · 01-26-2006, 12:21 AM

you will get your vindication if Chuck Norris posts here

reynold · 01-26-2006, 06:20 PM

Holy shit! When is this gonna end?

Fresh · 01-26-2006, 06:24 PM

heres a link to a shit load of em: Chuck Norris Facts

01-25-2006, 06:22 PM	#1
KittyLix Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 2,036	30 facts about CHUCK NORRIS 30 Facts about Chuck Norris Chuck Norris? tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother?s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn?t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK?s head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse? horses are hung like Chuck Norris To prove it isn?t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Chuck Norris won ?Jumanji? without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living daylights out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of ?beard?. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus? obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can?t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris doesn?t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying ?booya?. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more ?humane?. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, ?Bang!? The original theme song to the Transformers was actually ?Chuck Norris?more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris?robot in disguise,? and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris?s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, ?Don?t worry about it honey,? and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, ?Never question Chuck Norris.? The quickest way to a man?s heart is with Chuck Norris?s fist. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, ?Two seconds till.? After you ask, ?Two seconds to what?? he roundhouse kicks you in the face. __________________

01-25-2006, 06:27 PM	#2
Sam Granger Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: NL (Eindhoven), CZ(Prague), FR(Concarneau) Posts: 3,958	Been posted before..... but still funny http://www.gfy.com/showthread.php?t=...Chuck+Norr is http://www.gfy.com/showthread.php?t=...Chuck+Norr is http://www.gfy.com/showthread.php?t=...Chuck+Norr is __________________ [img]http://**************/sig/fhv3_j2_624x80_2.gif[/img] $35-40 Per Signup, 60-70% Rev Share, over 80 Sites, Exclusive Sites, tons of free content 14,000+ Free hosted Galleries, RSS feeds, Domain Hosting, Embedded Flash Movies Join Fetish Hits now! ICQ:** 358652230

01-25-2006, 06:31 PM	#5
KittyLix Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 2,036	dammit and the search isn't workin for me __________________

01-25-2006, 07:01 PM	#8
lazycash Troll Patrol Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Local Socal Posts: 15,214	Last edited by lazycash; 01-25-2006 at 07:03 PM..

01-25-2006, 08:10 PM	#11
Screaming I can change this!!!!! Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 18,972	so freaking old... __________________

01-25-2006, 06:28 PM	#3
sixxxthsense Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Toronto Posts: 2,421	i found that fucking hillarious

01-25-2006, 07:12 PM	#9
nico-t emperor of my world Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: nethalands Posts: 29,903	funny as fuck

01-25-2006, 07:39 PM	#10
CaptainHowdy Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Happy in the dark. Posts: 93,575	LOL... yeah... good one...

01-25-2006, 08:18 PM	#12
Martin3 Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Houston Posts: 1,529	I bet you don't know about the google and failure trick either huh?

01-25-2006, 08:24 PM	#14
TreasureBucks Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 1,971	anyone see the "Young Chuck Norris" video skit on SNL the other night??? man, there were a couple good skits on that episode. The pirate convention was funny as hell. __________________ TREASUREBUCKS.COM

01-25-2006, 08:34 PM	#15
Triple 6 Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: Location: isN'T everything Posts: 5,394	so many timeline crybabies.... speaking of 'time', are you all glad of your 'time' wasted clicking on a thread about something 'so old' you already knew about? How about the 'time' you spent replying to it? i should make a timeline pic for when i expect you all to buy a do-it-yourself time management book... then again, i should get one myself cuz ive wasted enough of my own time crying about timeline crybabies. lets all share a kleenex __________________ SIG TOO SMALL! Maximum 1200x600 button and no more than 30 text lines of ALL SIZES and COLORS. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 6240x4800 instead of a 1024x800.

01-25-2006, 08:54 PM	#16
cool1g Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Hollyweird adjacent Posts: 977	i just saw that list last week - apparently its a big viral email right now... __________________ InterG Media affiliate network (dating, pay per call) EDM Life Affiliates Cash In

01-25-2006, 10:00 PM	#17
PixeLs Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 11,922	This thread got Chuck Norris's permission so please be careful with your replies. __________________ Make money on any traffic. Bi-weekly payments with no hold.

01-25-2006, 10:12 PM	#18
rollinOn20s Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: ontario Posts: 2,006	Chuck Norris Only Looks One Way Before Crossing The Road Chuck Norris Can Eat A Rubix CUbe, And Shit It Out Solved Booyah...! __________________ Trade With xApsters Thumb TGP's Today - Some Of The Biggest and Best On The Net!

01-26-2006, 12:21 AM	#19
tristan_D Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 7,865	you will get your vindication if Chuck Norris posts here __________________ Increase your sales. Up to $4 per click.

01-26-2006, 06:20 PM	#20
reynold Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Global Traveler Posts: 51,271	Holy shit! When is this gonna end?

01-26-2006, 06:24 PM	#21
Fresh TubeClicks.com - First Tube Affiliate Program Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: LA Posts: 4,920	heres a link to a shit load of em: Chuck Norris Facts __________________ Promote ONE Legal Tube Site, Collect Checks from 19 Sponsors Fresh Dave \| Email: [email protected] \| ICQ: 317160390