classic email - girlfriend gets caught sucking...

[ibbunk]

This is a friend of a friend. I have no idea how long they had been dating but she was caught sucking some guy's dick in the bathroom at a bar downtown ft. lauderdale. He actually thinks she did it twice cuz she disappeared for awhile before also. First email is her email to him apologizing. The second email is his response...

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Brad,

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I
feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I
am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the
people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person
that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all
or anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all
of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can
handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even
handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't
handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.

It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or
something. The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile
if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel
beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me,
and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many
levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal
with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to
play such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days
without you.

It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that
my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate
feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends
think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is
nothing I can Say or do to take back what happened, but I just want
you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I
could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the
ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to
rewind and fix it. I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of
me thinks that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time.

Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my
sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes
peeled for them that would be great. I can't even focus or work
today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up,
and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not
done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can
handle that.

I am so sorry.
Elizabeth

------------------------------------

RESPONSE:

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L"
for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less
about".

You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting
to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a
load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom
for 45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so
long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a
"Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social
calendar.

To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour
span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k
him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care
less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world
revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly
Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to
consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news
for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they
just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blonde who
commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector.
I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who
comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing
someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of
anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin
Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's
room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump
into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last
saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it
happened.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class
you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs
you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little
like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I forwarded about 100 people on this email.

Talk to you never,

Brad

[StickyGreen]

that same exact shit was posted like a week ago...

[flashfire]

serves her right

[Triple 6]

friend of a friend of a friend to later appear on snopes as probably BULLSHIT

[sicone]

no way dude.. that was a friend of a friend's uncles, cousins younger brothers of mine too

small world