BRAIN CRAMPS - pretty funny - GoFuckYourself.com

Shaft_1971 · 12-07-2005, 10:15 AM

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

``! ````````````````````````````````````````

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." (we are????)
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````` ``

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

--Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !) and he wanted to be President!!!!!!!!!

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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." does he know where he almost grew up???.....
--Dan Quayle

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" (I say all we can get, I'll take his clean air)
--Lee Iacocca

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." (Oh, well that's different, I think)??????
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

`````````````````````````````````!

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." (really???????)
--Bill Clinton, President

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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

--Al Gore, VP (damn he's smart)

`````` ``````````

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

MattO · 12-07-2005, 10:22 AM

Actually, the quotes attributed to Al Gore were not his. One was Quayle, the other was Mad Magazine. The Clinton one was a Mad Magazine quote, also.

Many examples here:
http://www.snopes.com/quotes/candidate.asp

MattO · 12-07-2005, 10:24 AM

The Mariah Carey one is fake, too.
http://www.snopes.com/quotes/carey.htm

They probably all are.

Phoenix · 12-07-2005, 10:26 AM

haha funny stuff dude

when we doin lunch

Abithefiend · 12-07-2005, 10:28 AM

ahahahahaha funny shit!

Shaft_1971 · 12-07-2005, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phoenix

haha funny stuff dude

when we doin lunch

When you paying

Anyday you have the time bud.

12-07-2005, 10:15 AM	#1
Shaft_1971 Confirmed User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 1,711	BRAIN CRAMPS - pretty funny (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. `````````````````````````````````` "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey ```````````` "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign. ````````````````````````````````````````````````` "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. ``! ```````````````````````````````````````` "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. ````````````````````````````` "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." (we are????) --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents. `````````````````````````````````````````````````` `` "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas. ```````````````````````````` "Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark `````````````````````````````````` "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !) and he wanted to be President!!!!!!!!! ``````````````````` "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." does he know where he almost grew up???..... --Dan Quayle `````````` "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" (I say all we can get, I'll take his clean air) --Lee Iacocca ``````````` "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. ```````````````````````````````````````````` "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." (Oh, well that's different, I think)?????? --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. `````````````````````````````````! "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." (really???????) --Bill Clinton, President `````````````````` "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP (damn he's smart) `````` `````````` "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery ```````````````` "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina ```````````````````````````````````````````` "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman __________________ SHAFT Skype: Shaft_1971 Email: [email protected] Email: [email protected]

12-07-2005, 10:26 AM	#4
Phoenix BACON BACON BACON Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Poems everybody, the laddie fancies himself a poet Posts: 35,462	haha funny stuff dude when we doin lunch __________________ Skype Phoenixskype1 Telegram PhoenixBrad https://quantads.io

12-07-2005, 10:22 AM	#2
MattO The O is for Oohhh Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: AUSTIN TEJAS Posts: 10,861	Actually, the quotes attributed to Al Gore were not his. One was Quayle, the other was Mad Magazine. The Clinton one was a Mad Magazine quote, also. Many examples here: http://www.snopes.com/quotes/candidate.asp

12-07-2005, 10:24 AM	#3
MattO The O is for Oohhh Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: AUSTIN TEJAS Posts: 10,861	The Mariah Carey one is fake, too. http://www.snopes.com/quotes/carey.htm They probably all are.

12-07-2005, 10:28 AM	#5
Abithefiend Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Jim's my daddy Posts: 756	ahahahahaha funny shit!