Quagmire quotes "Giggity giggity!"

Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?
Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.
Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.
Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."
Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.
Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.
[Pause]
Quagmire: Oh God. Oh my God. I've got all these magazines. Oh God.

(In the middle of the night, Peter wakes the whole neighborhood by yelling.)
Peter: Hey everybody! Meg just had her first period!
Joe: PETER! Shut up its three in the morning!
Cleveland: What the hell is going on out there?!
Quagmire: Damn it! People are trying to sleep!
Peter: I'm just saying! I'm proud of her. She's a woman! Yea!
Quagmire: Yes, Peter, that's very hot, and I'll deal with it in the morning, but right now, I am exhausted!

Quagmire on a date with the Bachelorette, in his mother's trailer. A mangy cat whines.
Quagmire's mom: (shouting off-screen): Glenn, would you feed mittens?
Quagmire: Mittens has food in his bowl!
Quagmires' mom: That's old food!
(cat meows)
Quagmire: Mittens, shut up! Mittens shut up!
Quagmire's Mom: Don't you talk to Mittens that way. Mittens is a member of this family.
Quagmire: Mom if you want this three-way to happen, you're gonna have to change your tone.

Quagmire is awesome.


"Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18? You're first.
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I like where this is goin'! Giggidy, giggidy, gig-gi-dy!"

Hahahahaha......Peter's good, but the ultimate genius behind "Family Guy" is Stewie....
ahhhh Stewie....my football-head shaped, alter-ego

Hey Meg..you 18 yet?

allllright

dear diary

Funny stuff!!!

Quagmire: "Hey there little lady. Why don't you turn around and show me your Lower East Side."
Woman (man voice) : "Sure."
Quagmire: "Whoa, transvestite, back off! Wait a minute...pre-op or post-op?"
Woman: "Pre-op."
Quagmire: "Whoa, transvestite, back off!"

(Quagmire to girl)
Quagmire: You must be a parking ticket, cuz you got fine written all over you.

Quagmire: You must be this beautiful to ride the Quagmire.

thx for sharing!!!

Giggiddy Giggidy

LOL that guy is a riot.

Joe Swanson It looks like that's it, except for the flight crew.
Quagmire Hey, Brian. What's with the Johnny Law routine?
Joe Swanson Say hello to our newest narc. He's a natural.
Quagmire Yeah? How good are you?
Brian Griffin You're back from Manila. You had lumpia for dinner.
Brian Griffin Then you made love to two Filipino women and a man.
Quagmire You mean three Filipino women!
Quagmire No!

and the always classic

Quagmire Hey, Meg. 18 yet?
Meg Griffin No.

milk milk, lemonade, around the corner fudge is made!


I love that one, Family guy Rocks!

I never actually read what he said... that's some funny shit

well helloooo there lips, legs, breasts and ass

Stewie: "Hey, we need to get back on the road."
Quagmire (walking into cheap hotel room with a prostitute: "Hold on there little buddy, I'll be finished in a jiff."
Stewie: "Well fine, if I've got a few minutes I guess I'll pump the chemical toilet...it looks like you'll be doing the same."

Stewie's my brother from another Mother...

heh, that show is great..
but this new season, they've tried to be too shocking...
I still love it..

I couldn't help myself -

(On a reality TV show)
Brooke: Quagmire, will you accept this rose?
Quagmire: Really? After I drugged you and had sex with your unconscious body?
Brooke: What?
Quagmire: Yes.

Stewie: Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know. A pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that.

Chris: Hey little dude, how about some ice cream?
Stewie: Yes I could go for a frozen treat right about now. But no sprinkles. And for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.

Stewie (speaking to house servants): You. Fetch me my copy of the Wall Street Journal. You two, fight to the death.

Chris: Hey, dad, look! I covered my back with honey and now the ants are taking me home.
Peter: He does the same thing at home with Velveeta and cockroaches. If you turn the light on really fast they slam him right into the fridge.

Stewie (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house): So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?

Chris: Dad, can you help me with my math homework?
Peter: Math. Math my dear boy is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology.

Guy on Airplane: Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.
Stewie: What did you just say?
Lois: Stewie, stop fussing.
Stewie: Pipe down Lois. (Slaps guy on head.) Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my bitch.

Lois: Honey, what do you say we uh...christen these new sheets, huh?
Peter: Why Lois Griffin, you naughty girl.
Lois: Hehehe...that's me.
Peter: You dirty hustler.
Lois: Hehehehe...
Peter: You filthy, stinky prostitute.
Lois: Aha, ok I get it...
Peter: You foul, venereal disease carrying, street walking whore.
Lois: Alright, that's enough!

Quagmire (running through mall and accidentally into the camera room): Where am I, am I dead?
Security Guard: No, this is where we monitor all the dressing rooms in the mall so we can keep an eye out for shoplifters.
(Woman on Monitor has heart attack)
Quagmire: Oh my God! That one's having a heart attack! (Runs to womans dressing room.)
Quagmire: (Rubs womans chest and breathes in her mouth. Woman becomes conscious.)
Woman#2: That was amazing!
Woman#3: You saved her life!
Woman#4: Thank God you know CPR!
Quagmire: What the hell is CPR?

Andy Capp and his wife get into a brawl. The fight turns into one of those "cartoon fight-clouds" all the way out the door, and just as Quagmire walks in he gets sucked into the frey. A few seconds later the Capp's fight heads out the door, leaving Quagmire laying in a heap on the floor.

He looks up and says: "What the hell-did I just get laid?"

Quagmire: My fellow Americans, I have not been entirely truthful with you. I did giggittygiggiydoo that girl. I gashmogied her gaflabity with my googus. And I am sorry.