jimthefiend

I've got some time and I'm bored.

icq

Basic_man

Why not post to your own blog(s) ?

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jimthefiend

LOl I do. I didnt mean like for money or anything. I meant right here.


Give me 3 keywords and I'll put you something amusing together.

jimthefiend

Last night I had the strangest dream. It STARTED out normally enough. I was shooting midgets into the air by inserting a high pressure fire hose into their asses and turning it on. Pretty standard dream fare that. Well then it began to get WEIRD.

I was in a hotel room in Nevada someplace having sex with Jay Leno and my Grandmother when someone knocked at the door. I took my dick out of Jay's mouth and answered it. It was Chewbacca the Wookie with a special delivery letter. I signed for it, thanked him and closed the door. Jay had found a chicken and was busy getting jiggy with it.

I opened the letter and began to read.

It informed me that I had inherited a large manor house from my Uncle. He had died while bunjii jumping in Utah. Apparently he had misjudged the amount of cord he to needed use and had split his head open like a ripe tomato. I laughed of course and read on. I was supposed to travel to the Manor and meet with the executor of the estate and sign for the house.

I informed my Grandmother of these facts while Jay and I were untying her. She handled the death of her son quite well, and even helped me pack. As I left for the airport she and Jay were entertaining themselves with a double headed dildo.

As my rickshaw carried me towards the airport I began to think of what I remembered about the house from my visits there as a child. I idly flicked boogers on to the back of the head of the asian man that pulled me along and fondly recalled the massive orgies I had attended at my Uncles home as a small boy.

After a brief stop to purchase some crack we arrived. I beat the shit out of the elderly chinese rickshaw driver then entered the airport.

My flight was not to leave for an hour so I sat in the airport bar and masturbated. I soon tired of this however. I aimlessly shambled around the airport and eventually found Al Gore giving head in the men's bathroom. I got at the back of the line and engaged in idle chit chat with Jim Morrison, who was one place ahead of me.

The line moved quickly and I soon found myself humping Al's face. Jim was zipping his pants and humming some Doors tune. He said good-bye and shook my hand. As I was ejaculating into Mr. Gores mouth I heard the P.A. announcement that my flight was now boarding.

I hurried out of the rest room and to my departure gate. Our plane took off uneventfully and soon the stewardess was pushing the drink trolley down the aisle. She was nude and fondling her shaved vagina with one hand as she pushed the cart with the other.

I noticed that except for myself and the stewardess, the cabin was filled with Nuns. Several of them were engaging in acts of lesbianism, and one was busy fellating a donkey back by the rest room. That caught my interest and soon I was sodomizing her as she blew the mule.

Later on in the flight, I amused myself by chucking Nuns out the door of the plane.

Soon before we landed I went the bathroom and changed into a garter belt and stockings, thong, and a peekaboo bra. I found a Nuns habit crumpled up on the floor, and after getting all of the donkey cum off it that I could, put that on too. I gave my beard a critical glance in the mirror and decided that it did not need trimmed.

I rented an armored personnel carrier at Hertz then began the drive up into the mountains where my new home awaited. I made a quick visit to a liquor store and after shooting the cashier and emptying the register I was on my way. The trip took several hours and it was dark when I pulled the APC into the long tree lined drive that ended at the doors of the Manor. I parked my vehicle and walked up the steps to the house.

It was constructed in a traditional style of architecture for the region. Stone walls, cobblestone roof, gun towers and spotlights. Large stone statues of Lions engaged in procreation sat on either side of the stairway that led up to the massive oak doors.

The doors opened and I found myself face to face with Adolph, the butler. He was conservatively attired in a gray wool suit and a black leather mask.

He greeted me warmly and expressed his sympathy for my loss. I thanked him and asked if it was really necessary that I attend my Uncles funeral as I really didn't give too much of a shit about him anyway. He said that it wasn't. He then informed me that the old bastard was lying in state in this very house. The wake had just finished earlier in the evening. I asked when they were planning to cart the stiff away and was told it would be in the morning.

He showed me into the dining room where I had a late supper of Spam, Cheese Whiz and Choc-ola. Teen aged girls entertained me with interpretive dance and sexual congress with german shepherds while I ate. After administering some spankings and doing certain things to their nubile young bodies with a candle I found on the table, I decided it was time for bed.

I walked through the house past fine works of art and various bondage equipment and up a marble staircase to the master bedroom.

A maid dressed in saran wrap awaited me there. She helped me remove my habit and my silky undies and then at my request went and found one of my Uncles old crack pipes. I sat on the edge of the bed smoking crack and thinking about my day. The maid was busily giving me a very nice blow job. Finally after a wonderful orgasm I laid back and told the maid to turn off the light on her way out. She wiped her chin off and complied.

That night I dreamt of wild sex parties with the Teletubbies.

I was woken the next morning by Pee Wee Herman who served me breakfast then crawled into bed with me. When we were done I dressed and headed downstairs.

Adolph informed me that my Uncles lawyer was on the premises, ready to deal with all the estate paperwork, and that he was in paying his last respects to my Uncles cadaver. I headed towards the sitting room where my Uncle lay in state. I found the attorney having anal intercourse with the corpse. I sat in a comfortable chair and read the newspaper 'til he was finished.

When he was done, we exchanged banalities and went to the den where we quickly concluded our business. I walked him out of the house to his UFO which was parked out front. We shared a passionate kiss and he left.

Instead of going back inside, I began to walk around the grounds of the vast estate that now officially belonged to me. I spent the morning smelling the fresh air, feeling the grass beneath my feet and getting to know intimately a tiny lamb I found wandering around alone.

I returned to the Manor house to find my Uncles body had been removed. I had made arrangements with the lawyer to have him buried in a potters field.

I had Adolph barbecue one of the german shepherds and ate lunch out on the patio.

Then I woke up. Pretty weird hunh?

jimthefiend

I got some WEIRD ass SE traffic off that.

who

Three words (or so):
Teen, Oak tree, Triangles

Good luck

jimthefiend

I sat outside today under the big oak tree out back for a while killing some time looking at hot teen pussy. As I sat there in the grass pitching a tent in my jeans a little spider crawled across the screen of my laptop. It was yellow with little black triangles on its back.

TexasDreams

I claim BULLSHIT!!!

I bet the maid was dressed in tin foil, and NOT saran wrap.

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who

Now just stretch it out to 500 words and we're in business

jimthefiend

I'd never allow foil (except on my head). It chafes me.

jimthefiend

Call that a thesis statement. I could stretch that out to a novella and you know it.