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Before you use a form you found online, call the local law schools tomorrow. I think you'll be much better off.
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Get her to sign papers regarding custory asap.
You need to strike quickly. I don't know about VA laws, but in Indiana, if I want to move more than 100 miles from where I lived when my divorce was final, I have to go in front of a judge to do it. He can't tell me I can't move, of course, but he can tell me that a custody change is in the child's best interest. And I have full custody. I know this is hard to deal with when you've got your own pain, the bewilderment of the kids and everything, but getting your shit lined out legally has got to be a priority. You don't even want to give her the opening to throw a wrench in your plans to move. Good luck. |
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ooops! that sucks! at least you have your kids and all you have to do is to find ways how you could raise them...goodluck on that!
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she walked out, time for the child support! :)
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Be glad she left the kids, do whatever you have to do to get custody asap
She will probably be back soon and tell you she wants to talk and pick up some of her things, drop the kids off at a friend or relative so they are not there at that time because she will try to take them Mine bailed 10 years ago and left our five kids, this is the advice I was given at that time and not a day goes by that I don't thank God I followed the advice I have full custody of my kids, it has been tough at times but I have never regretted it Even if your not religous, I would swing by a church and ask them to council the kids, most church's have qualified counselors available and its free |
the fuck ..suck it in she couldnt fuckin cook anyway
plus she has this anoying thing she does with her teeth man the fuck up |
Another day has gone by and she is not here. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. My feeling are shattered, my kids are hurt, and I am just lost. I have had her with me for 11 years I do not know any other way and I am here by myself to figure this out. I sent the kids to school today but I am so damn affraid to get too far away in fear that she may take them even though she says she wouldnt. I am working on the custody thing but lawyers are just so damned expensive. If you are religious please pray for my kids they need every ounce of support they can get.
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nothing last forever and that includes pain. |
Sorry to hear of this sad situation. As a mom, all I can say is she is a worthless piece of shit, and you and your children deserve better. File papers soon, and file them as abandonement papers. Good luck to you and your kids.
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best wishes to you and your kids |
Hey I now how you feel. My wife left for another guy too, he is junkie and bum. She must be crazy
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She'll be back for the kids as soon as she finishes fucking and her conscience nags at her
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I have gone thru this with a child and the parent leaving....
Trust me, I thought the same thing and 4 years later she came back and the word doc we had was tossed out of court. Its not recongized as a legal and binding contract here in PA where I live.... Laws are different all over and also the judge you get and how they view the laws and the suitation. There are a ton of armchair lawyers on here and remember that we all live in different areas with differeing laws. Get a real lawyer in your area and do it right man. Borrow whatever it takes and get it done right otherwise you are just letting her screw you again. 1. She needs to pay support to you if she is not in custody of the kids. 2. Visitation -- Based on her leaving you high and dry?... What makes you think she'll not take your kids and vanish??? 3. Regardless of she's working or not, she has to pay support since she has the "capacity" to earn whatever her past income records state. So, she's not just walking away from this fat, dumb and happy. 4. Get everything done via the legal system, its going to cost you some paper but the $2-$5k you lay out now will save you untold thousands in cash and untold arrgravation later. Children as a responsibility that you cannot just walk away from for a new man... How long until that new man is suddendly tired of her and wants out? He dont want a woman with kids since she dropped them on you.... That bitch would only get supervised visits with a court appointed liasion based on her actions you stated here. |
You'll never fully get over it, but you will have to move on.
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Sounds somewhat familiar.
Might I make a few suggestions, a grain of salt might be a good side dish. 1. Make yourself more available to the kids. You have stated that you work AND go to school full time. Right now your children need you more than ever. Cut back where you can and understand that you cannot get this time with your kids back, so don't spend it away from them when the need you most. Whatever your reasoning for being away, right now your kids probably won't see it the same way. It will be really easy for them to feel abandoned by both parents if you do. Your kids need your strength, and a stabile environment. 2. Don't worry about dating for awhile. Any time spent away from your children right now could be a mistake. Bringing new women in and out of their lives will confuse them(and possibly yourself) further. You have already stated you have a full schedule, adding a new mate too soon will only distance yourself from your kids further, while taking away from their stability. It is very important that your kids understand that THEY are YOUR priority. Think you want sex though? Study STD/HIV on the web for awhile, your drive will go down some.. :) 3. One day at a time. Sure plan ahead for things that matter, but focusing on what needs to be done now might give you a little sanity. Don't let the possiblities of the future bog you down today, you have too much to do. 4. Never ever talk bad about your childrens Mother to them. She may be the scummiest piece of shit on the planet, but you don't need to be the one to enlighten them. They will know these things in time, and possibly be able to handle it better. The kids will take your negative comments personally as she is still their Momma,to them. This could drive a wedge between you and your kids, and again, right now, your kids need you more than ever. Anyway, these things were just at the top of my head. You probably understand alot or disagree with some. I hope a little of it is helpful. About the divorce, do it right, especially since you plan on moving out of state soon.. too many details can go wrong if you just throw something together. Stay strong, your work has just begun. |
Was there 5 years ago. Mine left me and our 2 boys for a fun filled life of Vicodin, Xanax, turning tricks in hotels rooms, methadone, section 8 housing, and other good times. Good fucking riddance I say. :thumbsup
Hang in there bro. It gets worse but then it get's better. :) |
don't be a jackass and bring home a new girl every night of the week. you don't realize the affect it will have on your children. i know you would like to get back at your ex but don't put your children in your game they don't know any better. anyways, good luck..
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oh sorry to hear that, but at least you have the kids
good luck dude |
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It cost me my last relationship but fuck a woman that doesn't understand that. :mad: |
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good luck with everything
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RainMailer,
You sound like a very good human. The person who needs to remember this most- is you. I (like most) have had experience in the heartbreak department, however i have never walked a mile in your shoes and have no idea what it would be like to go thru such a time with children to look out and care for as well. When i am feeling down i find that it helps me to help others. In doing so i always manage to feel uplifted. For you this will apply to your children. Use all your positive energy to stay focused on them. As each new day passes the smiles will come more regularly and before you know it you will be hearing laughter. At this point you will realize that it has been hard, but you and your children are indeed getting thru it. Keep your chin up and do not let the disrepectful act of your ex to allow You to fall from grace. |
My :2 cents:
What you do now is of paramount importance. I'd prolly drop the night classes for now. Find a way to hire an attorney that will take the legal steps required and in your interest (and childrens). You need to document the abandonment of the children ASAP IMO. Ask family for money or sell something. Most attorneys will talk to ya for atleast a few minuets for free. Tell them the situation and see if a course of action doesn't fallout of a conversation. If one attorney isn't in or plain won't help, call another and another until you have something to go on. If they can't help, ask if they know a local organization that can. Just on principle, she needs to pay child support. Wish you the best |
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Hey guys I wanted to give an update. I got her ass where I want her now. My attorney says she has no grounds for custody and she has agreed to give me full custody. I had to get real dirty with her and her new man. My lawyer informed her and her man that we would sue him for Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation which would personally destroy him because we have the evidence for our case. Now the heat is on his ass and since then her tone has changed dramatically. I really appreciated the response from you guys and your advise has really helped me through this. Thank You GFY!
Oh yeah once I get custody I will be giving Mr. Man the option of dropping my wife in her tracks or BE SUED. But only after I get what I want. |
If you are coming to Oregon, hit me up if you plan on consulting with a domestic relations attorney. The firm I work for has some of the top guys in the Portland Metro area.
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Shame for the kids. Good luck dude.
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she will come back
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RM, glad you have an attorney. I'd suggest you do anything to have a professional deal with things now...sell many possessions, dip into retirement savings, borrow from parents or whatever you have to. In a couple years, when she's making $0 and you're making $100k, it will probably occur to her that she could get custody of the kids and get $30k a year in child support. You think you're unhappy now, think about that prospect. The ensuing legal battle could cost you $50k each. Better legal preparation now will reduce her future chance of success, and hopefully reduce your future legal expenses. From what I've seen, no matter what you do, she can always come back and sue for custody later on; right now all you can do in is change the odds of her success.
As for suing the new boyfriend for alienation of affection, I hope you soon come to realize that this is pointless revenge. A natural desire at this point, but rationally, it makes no sense. It will just cost you money you don't have to spare. And you're better off with your wife with this guy, even though it hurts, because without him, she'd want alimony, or would fight harder for a larger divorce settlement, or would fight for the kids to get child support. Look at it objectively, particularly with what would help your kids the most at this point. |
Granted it will take time to realize this, but you'll eventually see that she actually did you a favor. You're better off now, and you'll be better off in the future without her.
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Contact an attorney, find out your rights, get the walkout documented and the paperwork started. If she walked out, count your lucky stars that she left the kids with you. At least you won't be paying child support and the money going for her new boyfriend to drink and drug on.
Again, get an attorney and do it NOW! Also, you don't have to accept any attorney that doesn't seem 100% in your corner. Best wishes and godspeed. |
Sorry to hear about your situation. May good things come your way, RM.
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good luck... hope things will resolve for you
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Now is the time to do whatever is necessary to nail things down legally as tight as you can. |
Damn sorry to read about all this. Keep your head up and stay strong for your kids... :thumbsup
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From my own experience.. I talked to the schools and daycare and told them the situation and they were very helpfull. In my case my daugther was not allowed to leave school unless they knew who picked her up. Isn't there some kind of leagal aid.. I know when I lived in the states there was a non-profil lawfirm who helped me with all my legal papers, all I had to pay for was getting the papers filed (that was work permit and stuff like that) but could be that there was something like that for someone in your situation as well *just wondering* Maybe check the web for a legal aid need you. And as for your kids.. be strong for them.. be honest.. and most of all just love them. They need that right now! It's okay for you to be sad, angry, hurt and all thoes feelings that we all know you are feeling right now and the best thing to do with those feelings are turn them into action. Getting your legal custody of your kids, getting control over your finances (do you guys have joined bankaccounts (?), if so... take care of that to) Cover your (_(_) as much as you can! |
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I bet the new guy knows how to spell and use grammar better.
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Worry more about your kids than your sex life. It may be hard to believe... but their world just got rocked even harder than yours. |
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