New page

fresh page!

I have to say: finally a new page, this is so slow moving...

it will speed up in about 300 posts

i need $2000,but they won't give that prize to me.
if you win ,would you like give me the prize,lol?

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

Nice find man, but no thanks I'm fed up with pretty fucked up chat rooms.

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks,
"What happened?"
His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone."
The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!"

lol funny shit

hahahaha very funny :) :)

Larry is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Larry goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Florence, age 87, wanders into the garden.

They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Larry turns to Florence and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?
She asks, "What ?"
"SEX!!!"
Florence exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I paid you !"
"I know," Larry says, "but it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige", says Florence, who gently unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it."

Afterwards, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they will sit and talk and Florence will hold Larry's manhood. Then, one night, Larry didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Florence decided to find Larry and make sure that he was OK. She walked around the gardens and she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident who was holding Larry's manhood !

Furious, Florence yelled, "You two-timing old creep! What does she have that I don't have ?"
Larry smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's disease !!"

we can use a couple of postwhores now

A middle aged lady goes to her docter to ask about alternatives to plastic surgery.

"Doctor," she said, "Is there anything I can do about the lines on my face? I look 20 years older than I am!"

"Actually, there is something I can do for you," he said, "I will put this knob on the back of your head, under your hair, and whenever you feel the need for a little lift, just twist the knob and it will pull your skin back a bit."

"Great!" she said. "I can't wait to see my new face!"

The lady goes home and gets in front of the mirror and gets ready to give the knob a twist. She gives it a couple turns and is amazed at the results. She took 10 years off her face!

Days go by and she continues to use the knob when she felt the need, until one day it seems to be broken. She turns and turns and she still has huge bags under her eyes. She returns to the doctor and asks him to fix it.

"Doctor, this stupid thing isn't working anymore, could you fix it? The bags under my eyes seem to be bigger than ever!"

"Umm, " the doctor stammers. "Ma'am, those aren't bags under your eyes, they're your breasts!"

"Oh, I guess I shouldn't ask you about my goatee then!"

nice one coo1. :thumbsup

Alberta Bear Advisory



Alberta Department of the Environment is advising hikers, hunters,
fishermen and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears
while in the area.



People are advised to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells
on their clothing to alert but not startle a bear unexpectedly.



They also recommend carrying pepper spray in case of an encounter with a
bear



It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of bear activity, and
to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings.



Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel
fur.



Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper
spray.

I thought this was over?

still going

Over when it hits 1000

Nice jokes there cool1

bump bump

A man is lying in bed in hospital with am oxygen mask over his mouth
and
nose. He is still heavily sedated from a four-hour operation.

A young nurse comes in to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles groggily from behind the oxygen mask," are my
testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, " I don't know, im only here to
wash your hands and feet."

He struggles again to ask, "Please tell me. Are my testicles black?"

Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his
privates
and jiggles them around a bit, takes a close look and says, "There's
nothing wrong with them!"

Wearily, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and says very slowly,

"that was very nice but listen very, very closely. Are
...my...test...results...back?"

hehe i want my testicles back as well

its steady but slowly moving towards 1000

BABY BEAR

It's spring, and the baby bear comes out of his cave.

His knees are wobbling, he's a wreck. He's skin and
bones, with big circles under his eyes.

His mother says, "Junior! Did you hibernate all winter
like you were supposed to?"

"Hibernate? Shit Ma, I thought you said masturbate!"

nice jokes cool1 :thumbsup

keep 'em coming cool1 :D :D

No, this contest is for Adult Paymaster affiliates, surfers need not apply.

Good rule, but unfortunately surfers usually don't read rules :)

Then they won't win

Ignorance is no excuse ;-)

I agree, when ever I see one pop up I start ridin them.

Bump for Adult PayMaster :pimp

hi there! anyone with me? ;)

Why do you banned Brazil on your system?

did i say adult paymaster rocks !! :thumbsup

damn this is a long thread

Longer it will be. :)

It is a decent thread lenght wise but not really that big.

Morning :)

Evening... :D

bum bum bum - BUMP

Hey, let's move this thread!

it is moving, slowly

hello for all of you guys! :D

Good night

Good night all

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another bump from me, can't believe this thing is taking this long

post #648

649........

650 posts ....