This is fucking hilarious, you would think with all the FTC fines they would learn their lesson. I just called to cancel an AOL account that I never use and it went like this.
Me: I'm calling to cancel my account.
AOL: Sure, I can help you with that. May I ask why you are canceling?
Me: Because I never use it.
AOL: I have to tell you, it would be very unwise for you to cancel.
Me: Why's that?
AOL: Because without our new award winning security software you will subject yourself to hackers and viruses in no time.
Me: Oh really?
AOL: Definitely. I see that you use a high speed connection, which means you are constantly connected to the internet and your IP address always stays the same. A huge recipe for hackers and viruses. Our new version 9.0 has security features in place to prevent that.
Me: Thats kinda scary.
AOL: I see that you are not using our latest version, may I ask why?
Me: Uhhh, because I never use it.
AOL: I'm willing to bet you already have viruses on your computer then, without our newest software you are a sitting duck.
Me: I'm not sure what a virus does, can you explain?
AOL: Has your computer ever locked up?
Me: Sometimes.
AOL: Yep. Ever been on a website and had popups?
Me: Popups? No, I've never heard my computer make popping noises.
AOL: No, have you ever been on a website and another website open in another window?
Me: Yes! Now that you mention it everytime I go to my favorite christian site a site called suckmydick.com comes up. Is that you guys doing that?
AOL: Not at all. Thats a virus. Thats why you need our software. I highly recommend you download version 9.0 and our security features will remove all viruses from your computer.
Me: Well to be honest, I'm starting to kinda like suckmydick.com
AOL: Look, I really want to help you. I'll give you 3 months free onto your account, if anything just so you can remove all the viruses.
Me: And then suckmydick.com will stop appearing on my computer?
AOL: Yes.
Me: If thats the case then I definitely want to cancel. You guys can't stop me from looking at suckmydick.com, whats up with that?
AOL: Please hold.....
Me: I'm calling to cancel my account.
AOL: Sure, I can help you with that. May I ask why you are canceling?
Me: Because I never use it.
AOL: I have to tell you, it would be very unwise for you to cancel.
Me: Why's that?
AOL: Because without our new award winning security software you will subject yourself to hackers and viruses in no time.
Me: Oh really?
AOL: Definitely. I see that you use a high speed connection, which means you are constantly connected to the internet and your IP address always stays the same. A huge recipe for hackers and viruses. Our new version 9.0 has security features in place to prevent that.
Me: Thats kinda scary.
AOL: I see that you are not using our latest version, may I ask why?
Me: Uhhh, because I never use it.
AOL: I'm willing to bet you already have viruses on your computer then, without our newest software you are a sitting duck.
Me: I'm not sure what a virus does, can you explain?
AOL: Has your computer ever locked up?
Me: Sometimes.
AOL: Yep. Ever been on a website and had popups?
Me: Popups? No, I've never heard my computer make popping noises.
AOL: No, have you ever been on a website and another website open in another window?
Me: Yes! Now that you mention it everytime I go to my favorite christian site a site called suckmydick.com comes up. Is that you guys doing that?
AOL: Not at all. Thats a virus. Thats why you need our software. I highly recommend you download version 9.0 and our security features will remove all viruses from your computer.
Me: Well to be honest, I'm starting to kinda like suckmydick.com
AOL: Look, I really want to help you. I'll give you 3 months free onto your account, if anything just so you can remove all the viruses.
Me: And then suckmydick.com will stop appearing on my computer?
AOL: Yes.
Me: If thats the case then I definitely want to cancel. You guys can't stop me from looking at suckmydick.com, whats up with that?
AOL: Please hold.....
Comment