I was partying up at the Amateur Bash suite party Friday night, and these three Spanish guys showed up. One of them gave me his biz card; it was Jason Torres from Zantafe Films, www.zantafe-films.com , and I think he said something about being in mainstream biz and starting to cross over, but after 11 screwdrivers, what he said isn't that clear to me.
What he DID, however, is.
He sat next to me on the sofa inside and asked if he could kiss me, which I said NO to. Apparently his English was not so good at that point, though it had been fine before, because he tried anyway. I pushed him away, and he tried at least twice more, actually grabbing my head while I pushed him and twisted my face away, and mashed my lips together.
You know, I was raped when I was 19...I know a forced kiss is nothing compared to that. But it was scary to not be in control of who I kiss...and it brought back a flood of bad memories at that moment...and the thought of what could have happened if I was by myself down by the pool or something is pretty frightening.
Come to find out, one of the guys in that same trio was acting aggressively towards another woman there as well. (I don't want to mention her name because it is her place to come forward with what happened to her, not mine.) I don't know if it was the same guy or not. Now it's pretty obvious that Aaron's model was also handled disrespectfully, though who knows if it was the same person.
What I do know is that when I tell a man No, it means, No. It may possibly mean just mean not right now if it is someone I am interested in, but the bottom line is that I do not want to do something, and forcing, pressuring, or being aggressive with me to get me (or ANY girl, which is my point here), to comply is wrong. How would you like it if a guy wanted to press you for sex and wouldn't take no for an answer?
I do realize that most of you guys get this, but for the few who seem to think a NO means just try harder, I thought you should get a woman's point of view. Having a woman have sex with you because you pressured them into it is a hollow victory. And chances are good she'll regret it, and never touch you again, and tell all her friends to avoid you.
I've had my head slammed into a wall and had a man tear my pants off and force himself inside me...it was far beyond a physical pain. It hurt my soul that something I have was stolen from me, and I was completely out of my own control. I felt filthy, violated, exposed, betrayed, and I was mad at myself for not being strong enough to fight him off. I felt guilty and stupid for hanging out with him, because I thought I should have known better, even though there was no warning at all of what he would do. I was scared he had given me HIV or another incurable STD, or even one that is curable, (thank God he didn't!); and I was scared I would get pregnant and have to either live with seeing the product of that awful moment every day for the rest of my life and not let it affect my parenting, or else give my child to someone else to raise. My sex drive was nonexistant for close to a year after that, because I couldn't imagine being able to have sex without it reminding me. I couldn't trust a man for much longer, because I knew how easy it is to get fooled by someone. It's something that can make or break you...I was broken for a while, but I decided that continuing to live in fear, and letting what happened to me ruin the rest of my life was not what I wanted. I made a mistake in trusting him, but it was NOT my fault that he made the decision he did, and I was not going to pay penance forever. I have a life to live. Some girls aren't able to find that inside themselves, and they punish themselves with isolation, drug abuse, abusive men, cutting, eating disorders, putting on weight, and a multitude of other ways.
I'm seriously disturbed by this trend of men getting pushy with women at the shows. Like I said in Aaron's thread, I attend shows alone, because I like the freedom to bounce from group to group and spend time with everyone. I think next year I may just pay a sitter and bring my ex with me, so I have an escort. (BTW anyone needing stunt cocks in Vegas, he's got a big cock and can perform on cam, hahaha! Just trying to bring some levity into the discussion, lol, though I do mean what I said, lol.)
I am happy to see so many men in the industry frown upon this sort of bad behaviour. Maybe if the message is sent that anyone who mistreats a model, female webmaster, affiliate rep, etc. won't be considered for business, it will sink in that it is not ok to push yourself on a girl just because she is attending an adult convention.
What he DID, however, is.
He sat next to me on the sofa inside and asked if he could kiss me, which I said NO to. Apparently his English was not so good at that point, though it had been fine before, because he tried anyway. I pushed him away, and he tried at least twice more, actually grabbing my head while I pushed him and twisted my face away, and mashed my lips together.
You know, I was raped when I was 19...I know a forced kiss is nothing compared to that. But it was scary to not be in control of who I kiss...and it brought back a flood of bad memories at that moment...and the thought of what could have happened if I was by myself down by the pool or something is pretty frightening.
Come to find out, one of the guys in that same trio was acting aggressively towards another woman there as well. (I don't want to mention her name because it is her place to come forward with what happened to her, not mine.) I don't know if it was the same guy or not. Now it's pretty obvious that Aaron's model was also handled disrespectfully, though who knows if it was the same person.
What I do know is that when I tell a man No, it means, No. It may possibly mean just mean not right now if it is someone I am interested in, but the bottom line is that I do not want to do something, and forcing, pressuring, or being aggressive with me to get me (or ANY girl, which is my point here), to comply is wrong. How would you like it if a guy wanted to press you for sex and wouldn't take no for an answer?
I do realize that most of you guys get this, but for the few who seem to think a NO means just try harder, I thought you should get a woman's point of view. Having a woman have sex with you because you pressured them into it is a hollow victory. And chances are good she'll regret it, and never touch you again, and tell all her friends to avoid you.
I've had my head slammed into a wall and had a man tear my pants off and force himself inside me...it was far beyond a physical pain. It hurt my soul that something I have was stolen from me, and I was completely out of my own control. I felt filthy, violated, exposed, betrayed, and I was mad at myself for not being strong enough to fight him off. I felt guilty and stupid for hanging out with him, because I thought I should have known better, even though there was no warning at all of what he would do. I was scared he had given me HIV or another incurable STD, or even one that is curable, (thank God he didn't!); and I was scared I would get pregnant and have to either live with seeing the product of that awful moment every day for the rest of my life and not let it affect my parenting, or else give my child to someone else to raise. My sex drive was nonexistant for close to a year after that, because I couldn't imagine being able to have sex without it reminding me. I couldn't trust a man for much longer, because I knew how easy it is to get fooled by someone. It's something that can make or break you...I was broken for a while, but I decided that continuing to live in fear, and letting what happened to me ruin the rest of my life was not what I wanted. I made a mistake in trusting him, but it was NOT my fault that he made the decision he did, and I was not going to pay penance forever. I have a life to live. Some girls aren't able to find that inside themselves, and they punish themselves with isolation, drug abuse, abusive men, cutting, eating disorders, putting on weight, and a multitude of other ways.
I'm seriously disturbed by this trend of men getting pushy with women at the shows. Like I said in Aaron's thread, I attend shows alone, because I like the freedom to bounce from group to group and spend time with everyone. I think next year I may just pay a sitter and bring my ex with me, so I have an escort. (BTW anyone needing stunt cocks in Vegas, he's got a big cock and can perform on cam, hahaha! Just trying to bring some levity into the discussion, lol, though I do mean what I said, lol.)
I am happy to see so many men in the industry frown upon this sort of bad behaviour. Maybe if the message is sent that anyone who mistreats a model, female webmaster, affiliate rep, etc. won't be considered for business, it will sink in that it is not ok to push yourself on a girl just because she is attending an adult convention.
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