A word for Geek Porn - GoFuckYourself.com

Elli · 07-29-2005, 04:40 PM

http://www.ernestcline.com/spokenword/npa.htm

Nerd Porn Auteur
by Ernest Cline

I've noticed that there don't seem to be any porno movies
that are made for guys like me.

All the porn I've come across
was targeted at beer-swilling sports bar dwelling alpha-males
Men who like their women stupid and submissive
Men who can only get it up for monosyllabic cock-hungry nymphos
with gargantuan breasts and a three-word vocabulary

Adult films are populated with these collagen-injected
liposuctioned women
Many of whom have resorted to surgery and self-mutilation
in an attempt to look the way they have been told to look.

These aren't real women. They're objects.
And these movies aren't erotic. They're pathetic.
These vacuum-headed fuck bunnies don't turn me on.
They disgust me.
And it's not that I'm against pornography.
I mean, I'm a guy. And guys need porn.
Fact.
"Like a preacher needs pain, like a needle needs a vein,"
Guys need porn.

But I don't wanna watch this misogynist he-man woman-hater porn.
I want porno movies that are made with guys like me in mind:
Guys who know that the sexiest thing in the world
is a woman who is smarter than you are.

You can have the whole cheerleading squad,
I want the girl in the tweed skirt and the horn-rimmed glasses:
Betty Finnebowski, the valedictorian.
Oh yes.
First I want to copy her Trig homework,
and then I want to make mad, passionate love to her
for hours and hours
until she reluctantly asks if we can stop
because she doesn't want to miss Battlestar Galactica.
Suma cum laude, baby!
That is what I call erotic.

But do you ever see that kind of a woman in a contemporary adult film?
No.
Which is why I'm going to start writing and directing Geek Porno.
I shall be the quintessential Nerd Porn Auteur.
And the women in my porno movies will be the kind
that drive nerds like me mad with desire.

I'm talking about the girls that used to fuck up the grading curve.
The girls in the Latin Club and the National Honor Society.
Chicks with weird clothes, braces, four eyes, and 4.0 GPAs.
Brainy articulate bookworms, with MENSA cards in their purses
and chips on their shoulders.

My porn starlets will come in all shapes and sizes.
My porn starlets will be too busy working on their PhD to go to the gym.

In my kind of porno movies the girls wouldn't even have to get naked.
They'd just take the guys down to the rec room and
beat them repeatedly at chess
and then talk to them for hours about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle
or the underlying social metaphors in the Aliens movies.

Buy stock in some hand cream companies
because there is about to be a major shortage.

And I'm not just talking about straight porn. Oh no.
There should be fuck films for my nerd brethren
of all sexual orientations.
Gay nerd porn flicks with titles like "Dungeons and Drag-queens."

This idea is a fucking gold mine.
I am gonna make millions,
because this country is full of database programmers
and electronics engineers
and they aren't getting the loving they so desperately need.
And you can help . . .

If you're an intelligent woman is interested in breaking into the adult film industry,
and if you can tell me the name of Luke Skywalker's home planet,
then you are hired.

It doesn't matter if you think you're overweight or unattractive.
It doesn't matter if you don't think you're beautiful.
You are beautiful. . .
And I will make you a star.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 04:47 PM

too long to read. can you paraphrase?

chadglni · 07-29-2005, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

too long to read. can you paraphrase?

I can.

GFY is for adults.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chadglni

I can.

GFY is for adults.

Is that an insult or a serious response? I'm not going to bother reading into it.

NoCarrier · 07-29-2005, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

too long to read. can you paraphrase?

NoCarrier · 07-29-2005, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elli

You are beautiful. . .
And I will make you a star.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoCarrier

Riiiiight. Why is that? Because I'm not totally interested in all of that information? Do you read every fucking article in the newspaper? Or do you read the synopsis and determine if you want to read it or not?

High Plains Drifter · 07-29-2005, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

Riiiiight. Why is that? Because I'm not totally interested in all of that information? Do you read every fucking article in the newspaper? Or do you read the synopsis and determine if you want to read it or not?

yeah, its too bad these threads don't have titles on them.

NoCarrier · 07-29-2005, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

Riiiiight. Why is that? Because I'm not totally interested in all of that information? Do you read every fucking article in the newspaper? Or do you read the synopsis and determine if you want to read it or not?

When I am not interested, I do not call my mom to give me a 'paraphrase'. I read another article and shut the fuck up.

Run, retard, run.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skinnywussy

yeah, its too bad these threads don't have titles on them.

The title is hardly sufficient. What conclusion can you come to from that? What is the word? Or maybe it's not even about a specific word. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding the title.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoCarrier

When I am not interested, I do not call my mom to give me a 'paraphrase'. I read another article and shut the fuck up.

Run, retard, run.

Ever ask someone for the gist of something? Ever ask someone reading a book what its about? Blow me. Your logic is fucked... not there was much to begin with.

Elli · 07-29-2005, 05:08 PM

Holy shit, people. I mean, seriously. Scan the first ten lines to determine if you are interested or not. If not, move on. If you are, read on. Obviously the line breaks show that it is some free verse poetry form, so that's enough to turn off most readers right off the bat. I just thought it was a little bit of an interesting shake-up for the readers here.

NEVER MIND.

The Ghost · 07-29-2005, 05:09 PM

I like anything that quotes the Little Rascals..

"He-man woman hater porn"

NoCarrier · 07-29-2005, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

Ever ask someone for the gist of something? Ever ask someone reading a book what its about?

Only retards like you would ask for cliff notes from poetry.

Oh and by the way, you = OWNED (Read what Elli just replied and slap yourself in the face for being such a dumbass) :

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elli

Holy shit, people. I mean, seriously. Scan the first ten lines to determine if you are interested or not. If not, move on. If you are, read on. Obviously the line breaks show that it is some free verse poetry form, so that's enough to turn off most readers right off the bat. I just thought it was a little bit of an interesting shake-up for the readers here.

NEVER MIND.

chadglni · 07-29-2005, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoCarrier

Only retards like you would ask for cliff notes from poetry.

Oh and by the way, you = OWNED (Read what Elli just replied and slap yourself in the face for being such a dumbass) :

This thread sure did take a left turn.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoCarrier

Only retards like you would ask for cliff notes from poetry.

Does anyone know if there are cliff notes on Canterbury Tales? If not, I'm going to make some. Should make a nice chunk of change from cliff notes from poetry.

Jackass.

chadglni · 07-29-2005, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

Does anyone know if there is are cliff notes on Canterbury Tales?

Jackass.

For people in school.

NoCarrier · 07-29-2005, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

Does anyone know if there is are cliff notes on Canterbury Tales? If not, I'm going to make some. Should make a nice chunk of change from cliff notes on from poetry.

Jackass.

Well, it doesn't take cliff notes to realise how retarded you are.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 05:24 PM

I think it shoud also be known that the original comment was a joke. A typical response from GFY. However, since NoCarrier likes to make retarded comments, I feel the need to make him look like one.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoCarrier

Well, it doesn't take cliff notes to realise how retarded you are.

Realize is spelled with a "z."

NoCarrier · 07-29-2005, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

I think it shoud also be known that the original comment was a joke.

Yeah.. Right..

Elli · 07-29-2005, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

Realize is spelled with a "z."

It's regional. Check your OED.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elli

It's regional. Check your OED.

I just did.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoCarrier

Yeah.. Right..

Obviously you have never heard of being witty.

Elli · 07-29-2005, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

I just did.

http://www.englishclub.com/writing/s...an-english.htm

Some verbs end in -ize or -ise in English but only in -ize in American English, for example:

realise, realize
harmonise, harmonize

realize
harmonize

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elli

http://www.englishclub.com/writing/s...an-english.htm

Some verbs end in -ize or -ise in English but only in -ize in American English, for example:

realise, realize
harmonise, harmonize

realize
harmonize

I stand corrected then. Still doesn't change the fact that NoCarrier has poor logic. Not trying to argue with you, but whatever.

NoCarrier · 07-29-2005, 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

Obviously you have no sense of wit.

The more you reply to this thread, the more I understand how dumb you are. No offense. But you'll understand in a couple of years. Newbies who can't admit being wrong. That's just sad.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoCarrier

The more you reply to this thread, the more I understand how dumb you are. No offense. But you'll understand in a couple of years. Newbies who can't admit being wrong. That's just sad.

Comment was already corrected. Keep in mind that you're the one who is still wasting time here. I'm eating and uploading.

Elli · 07-29-2005, 05:39 PM

So.. did you ever actually end up reading the first post all the way through, douglas?

NoCarrier · 07-29-2005, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elli

http://www.englishclub.com/writing/s...an-english.htm

Some verbs end in -ize or -ise in English but only in -ize in American English, for example:

realise, realize
harmonise, harmonize

realize
harmonize

Thanks Elli! I didn't have the weapons to counterattack the idiot but I still knew I wasn't wrong. I'm french canadian after all. English is not my primary weapon.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elli

So.. did you ever actually end up reading the first post all the way through, douglas?

No, but I read the first half when the thread was made. Like I said before, it was a joke that seemed to go over NoCarrier's head and he felt the need to make some stupid comment about it.

High Plains Drifter · 07-29-2005, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

The title is hardly sufficient. What conclusion can you come to from that? What is the word? Or maybe it's not even about a specific word. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding the title.

I pretty much knew that it was gonna be some kind of commentary on geek porn when I opened the thread, and sure enough, it was a poem about geek porn.

But, no, the thread title didnt' mention a summary for people that don't like too many words, if thats what you're getting at.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skinnywussy

I pretty much knew that it was gonna be some kind of commentary on geek porn when I opened the thread, and sure enough, it was a poem about geek porn.

But, no, the thread title didnt' mention a summary for people that don't like too many words, if thats what you're getting at.

After reading the first few verses, I don't see how geek fits into this.

NoCarrier · 07-29-2005, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

After reading the first few verses, I don't see how geek fits into this.

No, we do see how "retard" fits into you.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 05:56 PM

It's so warm under your skin...

AdultNex · 07-29-2005, 06:00 PM

Very well written, but spoken like a true nerd who will most likely end up being a virgin until he's 40 years old.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoCarrier

No, we do see how "retard" fits into you.

Say wha? That makes no sense given the context of any post. I think what you are trying to say is 'Nor do we see how "retard" fits into you' or 'No, but we do see how "retard" fits into you.'

I'll give you a break since you say English isn't your first language.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 06:03 PM

Anyway, I have to go. I'll let you have the last word. Enjoy it.

NoCarrier · 07-29-2005, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

That makes no sense given the context of any post.

Of course it does, just take a look at your replies in this thread. It's obvious that you are a retard.

xenigo · 07-29-2005, 06:36 PM

Ooooooooook jesus christ guys. What are we doing, arguing about arguing? STFU already.

It was a good article, I enjoyed reading it. And the guy has a lot of great points, that I agree with wholeheartedly.

Elli · 07-29-2005, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xenigo

Ooooooooook jesus christ guys. What are we doing, arguing about arguing? STFU already.

It was a good article, I enjoyed reading it. And the guy has a lot of great points, that I agree with wholeheartedly.

Thank you. I'm glad someone liked it. I retain some hope for GFY after all.

NoCarrier · 07-29-2005, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xenigo

It was a good article, I enjoyed reading it. And the guy has a lot of great points, that I agree with wholeheartedly.

wedouglas, re-read your first post again :

Quote:

Originally Posted by wedouglas

too long to read. can you paraphrase?

And shove it up your ass.

Oh, and tell xenigo that you were just kidding, with a straight face.

wedouglas · 07-29-2005, 11:39 PM

Did you enjoy your last word?

rickholio · 07-29-2005, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elli

Thank you. I'm glad someone liked it. I retain some hope for GFY after all.

I think part of the allure of the 'glasses' niche is the appearance of intellect. God knows I respond to cuties in a nice set of frames. Particularly if they're redheads. And stacked.

Know anyone like that?

Elli · 07-30-2005, 12:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rickholio

I think part of the allure of the 'glasses' niche is the appearance of intellect. God knows I respond to cuties in a nice set of frames. Particularly if they're redheads. And stacked.

Know anyone like that?

Hm? I might know a someone or other who might fit that description... ;)

07-29-2005, 04:40 PM	#1
Elli Reach for those stars! Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 17,991	A word for Geek Porn http://www.ernestcline.com/spokenword/npa.htm Nerd Porn Auteur by Ernest Cline I've noticed that there don't seem to be any porno movies that are made for guys like me. All the porn I've come across was targeted at beer-swilling sports bar dwelling alpha-males Men who like their women stupid and submissive Men who can only get it up for monosyllabic cock-hungry nymphos with gargantuan breasts and a three-word vocabulary Adult films are populated with these collagen-injected liposuctioned women Many of whom have resorted to surgery and self-mutilation in an attempt to look the way they have been told to look. These aren't real women. They're objects. And these movies aren't erotic. They're pathetic. These vacuum-headed fuck bunnies don't turn me on. They disgust me. And it's not that I'm against pornography. I mean, I'm a guy. And guys need porn. Fact. "Like a preacher needs pain, like a needle needs a vein," Guys need porn. But I don't wanna watch this misogynist he-man woman-hater porn. I want porno movies that are made with guys like me in mind: Guys who know that the sexiest thing in the world is a woman who is smarter than you are. You can have the whole cheerleading squad, I want the girl in the tweed skirt and the horn-rimmed glasses: Betty Finnebowski, the valedictorian. Oh yes. First I want to copy her Trig homework, and then I want to make mad, passionate love to her for hours and hours until she reluctantly asks if we can stop because she doesn't want to miss Battlestar Galactica. Suma cum laude, baby! That is what I call erotic. But do you ever see that kind of a woman in a contemporary adult film? No. Which is why I'm going to start writing and directing Geek Porno. I shall be the quintessential Nerd Porn Auteur. And the women in my porno movies will be the kind that drive nerds like me mad with desire. I'm talking about the girls that used to fuck up the grading curve. The girls in the Latin Club and the National Honor Society. Chicks with weird clothes, braces, four eyes, and 4.0 GPAs. Brainy articulate bookworms, with MENSA cards in their purses and chips on their shoulders. My porn starlets will come in all shapes and sizes. My porn starlets will be too busy working on their PhD to go to the gym. In my kind of porno movies the girls wouldn't even have to get naked. They'd just take the guys down to the rec room and beat them repeatedly at chess and then talk to them for hours about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle or the underlying social metaphors in the Aliens movies. Buy stock in some hand cream companies because there is about to be a major shortage. And I'm not just talking about straight porn. Oh no. There should be fuck films for my nerd brethren of all sexual orientations. Gay nerd porn flicks with titles like "Dungeons and Drag-queens." This idea is a fucking gold mine. I am gonna make millions, because this country is full of database programmers and electronics engineers and they aren't getting the loving they so desperately need. And you can help . . . If you're an intelligent woman is interested in breaking into the adult film industry, and if you can tell me the name of Luke Skywalker's home planet, then you are hired. It doesn't matter if you think you're overweight or unattractive. It doesn't matter if you don't think you're beautiful. You are beautiful. . . And I will make you a star. __________________ email: [email protected]

07-29-2005, 05:08 PM	#12
Elli Reach for those stars! Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 17,991	Holy shit, people. I mean, seriously. Scan the first ten lines to determine if you are interested or not. If not, move on. If you are, read on. Obviously the line breaks show that it is some free verse poetry form, so that's enough to turn off most readers right off the bat. I just thought it was a little bit of an interesting shake-up for the readers here. NEVER MIND. __________________ email: [email protected]

07-29-2005, 05:09 PM	#13
The Ghost IslandDollars.com Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Icq: 176176 Posts: 12,188	I like anything that quotes the Little Rascals.. "He-man woman hater porn" __________________ ISLAND DOLLARS 1000's of Exclusive TS scenes / Constant Updates Best TS Network your surfers will ever join

07-29-2005, 05:39 PM	#29
Elli Reach for those stars! Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 17,991	So.. did you ever actually end up reading the first post all the way through, douglas? __________________ email: [email protected]

07-29-2005, 04:47 PM	#2
wedouglas So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Dearborn, MI Posts: 5,921	too long to read. can you paraphrase?

07-29-2005, 05:24 PM	#19
wedouglas So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Dearborn, MI Posts: 5,921	I think it shoud also be known that the original comment was a joke. A typical response from GFY. However, since NoCarrier likes to make retarded comments, I feel the need to make him look like one.

07-29-2005, 05:56 PM	#35
wedouglas So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Dearborn, MI Posts: 5,921	It's so warm under your skin...

07-29-2005, 06:00 PM	#36
AdultNex Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Bostonnnn Posts: 8,985	Very well written, but spoken like a true nerd who will most likely end up being a virgin until he's 40 years old.

07-29-2005, 06:03 PM	#38
wedouglas So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Dearborn, MI Posts: 5,921	Anyway, I have to go. I'll let you have the last word. Enjoy it.

07-29-2005, 06:36 PM	#40
xenigo Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Oakland, CA Posts: 8,067	Ooooooooook jesus christ guys. What are we doing, arguing about arguing? STFU already. It was a good article, I enjoyed reading it. And the guy has a lot of great points, that I agree with wholeheartedly.

07-29-2005, 11:39 PM	#43
wedouglas So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Dearborn, MI Posts: 5,921	Did you enjoy your last word?