Like i said: a relationship requires work. That doesnt mean im the only person responsible for the work. Both sides have to work on it.

In your example i want to work on the site to move it in a certain direction but the site says "no".

A. the site is not doing his share of the work (why? no motivation.. ive grown apart from it?)
B. The site wants to work but its not in line with what i have on my mind..

How can that happen? Lack of COMMUNICATION. Death cause numer 1 for relationships.

discussing something too doesn't mean the idea is transmitted.

in my case i discussed the problem multiple times - she always said yes yes yes and agreed with me but never DID anything about it.

there comes a point where yup yuping doesn't cut it anymore. You can't make that decision overnight - it takes a long time to determine that. But once you KNOW that you're not growing in the same direction as your partner - you KNOW - you TRULY KNOW - and not an overnight decision but something that takes months - then you HAVE to do something about it or you're just hurting the BOTH of you.

Very true.

Theres a BIG difference between talking to someone and communication.

Communication goes both ways.. sincere.

Like you said.. when that stops and all you can do is talk and get an ACK
from the other person with 0 changes thers not much you can do.

Youve gone beyond the point of no return and its game over.

I still believe when that happens in a relationship (a relationship that once worked) youre always 60% responsible.

yeah, i would really agree that loving someone is not that hard. love should always be a two way. :upsidedow

Loving someone isn't hard - it's actually FEELING loved back that's hard to find.

I would have to agree because the joy of love comes not from what you can get, but from what you can give.

i agree it's about what you can give - admiting you actually NEED something - that's HARD for me.

i agree - the only person i blame is myself - and i've dealth with a LOT of guilt because of that since i left.

i feel like it's my failure not getting her to change but i also don't feel i have the right to ask someone to change even though i did ask and it didn't happen. closure comes only with accepting that i have to accept that in the end i was greedy about my own needs and felt i had a right to my needs.

that and knowing i couldn't bring a child into the world with someone who's views on major issues were as different from mine as hers were.

something that came to me when i decided to leave was i asked myself - does my wife love me - who I am - what I strive for - what makes me tick? ME! Or does she love what I do for her? emotionally, economically, physically.

i realized without a doubt it was the latter. and that hurt - and it hurt wanting it to be the former and i felt gulity about wanting her to love me for me - but i KNEW - though and though I KNEW - she loved what i did for her and didn't love me for me. She didn't even know who the REAL me was.

She didn't love me for my money - met her when i was dirt poor - married POOR - but i always bent over backwards for her. And she LOVED that.

i think if i knew she loved me for me I could have put up with a lot more - but that - in the end - KNOWING she loved me for what i did for her and she didn't love me for ME - that ended it for me.

I totally agree.

Is it possible to love 'me' for 'me'? Isnt there ALWAYS a reason?
(like in your case.. you always bending backwards?).

You make it sounds like it should be unconditional.. i agree.. but looking
human nature i dont think thats possible. .or is it?

i think the incident that really changed my mind was when i knew i had to move out of the small town we lived in - we moved there so she could get a teaching job - and she got a good stable job - but i was dying inside there. I told her that -many times and said we had to move - economically her job didn't matter any more to us - i made more in a month than she did in a year - and with the experience she had she'd have been teaching in the city within a year - but she said she had NESTED and would not move - i protested saying and MEANING i was dying there - and she said no - she wouldn't move. I knew then and there what i was married to.

we weren't from that town - neither of us had many friends in that town. no reason to stay other then her not wanting to do another job interview. and she KNEW i was dying inside there but didn't care.

there's always conditions to love - saying there isn't would be avoiding the truth.


my condition was i needed the person i loved to love me for who i was - not what i did for them

It's funny coz it seems everyone loves participating on this thread.

you find threads where real people talk about real things in their lives funny?

Yes, but in the perspective of a person you ARE what you DO for them.

(and no.. just in case: i dont mean doing things for a person in a material way).

i kinda think we are - but it's two sided - they are what they do for you as well.


giving and recieving is a two way street - you have to give - everyone talks about the giving - but the HARSE reality is you also have to receive - and if you're not getting something back - for years - something's gona break

I agree. It's hard enough finding a mate who's your equal and that you can trust. ...plus feeling that person love you back? oy

My gf is everything to me. I'm a lucky gal; that's for sure.

This is VERY true :thumbsup

... but cheeseburgers are widely available and *always* love you back.

it's hard to argue about love. i've been in love too many times and it has not yet given me a word definition. love is not a wasted emotion, i disagree with that. i love to love, & it makes me feel good & young. but it hurts so much when they dont love you back, or could not even mend your heart.

i always believe that love is like a bamboo tree, it is better to bend a little than to break.




p.s.
this thread is too mushy. it melts & somehow breaks my heart reading along....

Love, can make one do crazy things. Shit, I moved to the other side of the world just for LOVE!
I have been married nearly 6yrs, I still look at him with love. In fact I love him more today than the day I met him even with all his faults and mine! When I first met him he was earning 25cents a day, I paid for everything, so it was ovious that I was blinded by love.....(or his cock) hahahaha.
I think it works cause we are best friends. We drive each other nutts as we are complete opposit of one another but maybe thats why it works. Who knows? lol
My suggestion is to tell every woman ya meet that your a garbage man and if she is still interested then shes worth keeping around. Never let on that you are estiblished in your business until needed. Don't listen to me though, I could be blowing smoke out me own ass! LOL

you are quite insightful in this topic I must say

sometimes when im alone i "love" myself.... :Oh crap

To quote another board and Pat B:
We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield
We are strong, no one can tell us we?re wrong
Searchin? our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

Oh, come on Sleazy Twink!!! ya can't feel all the love for you on GFY?

You have JMan and I'm sure the luv from your dog is unconditional.

Exposing your emotions on GFY can and have unexpected and undesired results. Sometimes you end up Choking on your words. Kinda sad actually.

What made you so mushy today anyway? It's bad form to pick on a guy when he's talking about love and relationships.

In another thread you talked of a kinder and more gentle GFY (not exact words). Remember it was you that did a ton of drama building and shit throwing not that long ago. So have you turned a new leaf? I'm no longer a moron troll idiot.....

twist my words any way you want - I have no fear from those to plan to use this against me. To anyone that does that as far as I'm concerned it only shows thier own personal weaknesses.

real strength isn't in hiding who you are. :thumbsup

Sometimes, love moves in a mysterious ways. you just don't know when will the love return to you. "All we need is Love" john lennon.

Look here for the answer:
http://www.gofuckyourself.com/showthread.php?t=496278

forget about loving other, if you can't love yourself first.

I think the opposite is true in my case. I have no trouble finding love (from another). I just don't love them...

Fact is, that I can honestly say I have only ever loved one woman in my life.

Personally I now could care less if some woman loves me.
After 3 failed marriages I do not have any more love in me to give to any woman.
Maybe some day I may feel again but I may be long dead by that time.

This thread makes me nauseous. Good-bye.

ok, now what?