The GFY Short Story: The Saga of the Magic Sky Pixie (religious tards only)

[lotusmike]

The mythology goes:

In the beginning, after making things a bit brighter so he could see what he was doing, the Magic Pixie magicked a mud ball, then he magicked some plants and a heap of animals to live on the mud ball, then he magicked a man out of the mud that he'd magicked only just the night before, about eight o'clock. Shortly after, the Magic Pixie magicked a woman from the man's rib, put the mud-man and the rib-woman in his garden to live, and told them not to eat from a particularly special tree.

A magic talking snake, either magicked by the Magic Pixie or magically requiring no causal explanation, suckered the rib-woman into eating fruit from the special tree, and she in turn suckered the mud-man into munching on the fruit. The Magic Pixie spat his pacifier in the dirt when he found out
about the fruity transgression, so to punish the mud-man and the rib-woman for their disobedience he put a magic hex on the billions and billions of people who weren't yet alive - just because he's the Magic Pixie and he's oh so big and huge and so very, very big.

Some time later, when the mud-man and rib-woman had magically spawned millions of people (all of whom were cursed due to the rib-woman's frugivorous frivolity), the Magic Pixie got all pissy about the people living on the mud ball he'd magicked, and rather than magically make them all better, he decided to kill them all in a flood -- except for one old fart and his family. The Magic Pixie told the old fart to build a great big boat out of magic wood, and to fill the big boat with two or seven of each kind of animal; two or seven, depending on how you interpret the written version of the Saga of the Magic Space Pixie.

Of course, the old fart pulled all this off without a hitch, and when the big boat was loaded the Magic Pixie poured about four and a half billion cubic kilometres of water on to the mud ball, which drowned every single living critter. About a year later, the waters eventually magically disappeared leaving absolutely no trace that the flood ever happened.

After leaving the big boat, all the animals magically wandered back to from wherever it was they came, and the old fart somehow got drunk, probably from wine made out of magic grapes that grew in a magic vineyard. Once he was good and sloshed, the old fart stripped off his clothes and passed out. Sometime later one of the old fart's sons walked in and saw the old fart's wobbly bit, so the Magic Pixie - who doesn't like people to look at wobbly bits - put a curse on the wobbly-bit-looker and all his descendants, even though they didn't even see the wobbly bit.

The old fart and his family magically filled the world with people, and apart from the wobbly-bit-looker's descendants, the mud ball was filled with people who were not cursed since the Magic Pixie had drowned everything. But the Magic Pixie was still steamed about the rib-woman's fruitarian follies so he let the fruit-curse carry on to everyone who was alive or ever would be alive, and he said that everyone must grovel to his oh so big and very huge Magic Pixieness.

Some time later, after various other slaughters, some famines, some plagues, and a few cool tricks - one in which a burning bush spoke, and one in which the Magic Pixie magicked a butt-crack in the red sea - the Magic Pixie decided he'd like to bump uglies with one of the children who lived on the mud ball, so he did: of course it was a *magic* bumping of uglies, and not the real thing.

Nevertheless, the child became pregnant and eventually gave birth to a human/Magic Pixie hybrid, which probably caused the child's husband (who hadn't bumped uglies with his young wife yet - matter of fact, his wife hadn't bumped uglies with anyone) at least a small amount of concern.

Anyway, the hybrid grew up pretty much without incident, but when he reached his thirties he grew his hair long, became a hippy, and wandered around babbling in parables -- most of which he took from the book called, "The Saga of the Magic Space Pixie". Eventually some people found out that the hybrid was the boss's son and they'd started following him around, so the hybrid was taken to the man in charge who sent him to be soundly spanked and then pinned to a stick. When he was pinned to the stick, the hybrid whined and whined to the Magic Pixie about being forsaken, and then he died.

Of course, being half Magic Pixie, the hybrid couldn't really die, so a couple of days later, despite telling everyone he'd be 'dead' for *three* days - probably to get a jump on the guys who pinned him to the stick - he woke up, snuck out of the cave in which the hybrid- followers had placed him, wandered around for a little while chatting with some of his followers, then, magically, he went to live in that magical place where the Magic Pixie lives; and he hasn't been seen since.

Now, according to the hybrid-followers with whom the pre-departure hybrid chatted, 500 EYEWITNESSES saw the hybrid after he rose from being dead, and the hybrid will be returning to the mud ball ANY DAY NOW.

And what of the Magic Pixie? Well, he seemingly got so pissy about the people pinning his hybrid to a stick that he stormed off and hasn't been seen since, but according to the hybrid-followers, if we accept that the hybrid-pinning episode removes the curse of the rib-woman's fruity faux pas, we will live in the magical place with the Magic Pixie after we've died.

The final chapter in the Saga of the Magic Pixie is yet to come true. It's mostly full of all sorts of stuff about a Nasty Magic Pixie, plagues, grasshoppers, seals (not the kind who balance balls on their nose, the kind that seal things), and people dying -- but after all the nasty stuff, the Magic Pixie and the hybrid return to the mud ball, the Magic Pixie magicks everything back to nice-ness so everything is all spic'n'span, and everyone lives happily ever after.

Oh, and if you don't believe me, you're a fool. Why? Because that's what it says in "The Saga of the Magic Space Pixie," and if you don't believe "The Saga of the Magic Space Pixie" then after you die the Magic Pixie will give you to the talking snake (who's now a Nasty Magic Pixie), and you *know* I'm telling the Truth because "The Saga of the Magic Space Pixie" is *defined* as truth, therefore it *IS* truth, therefore it is T-R-U-E *True* with a capital 't' -- and you don't NEED any proof because "The Saga of the Magic Space Pixie" is a *VERY SPECIAL STORY* about the Magic Pixie who CREATED EVERYTHING including US and whose hybrid son DIED TO SAVE US FROM THE CURSE OF THE FRUITY FEAST, so rather than proof you need FAITH, which means, "just shut up and believe me or else you're a bad person."

THE END

[xxxice]

nice font

[xenigo]

Originally Posted by lotusmike

so rather than proof you need FAITH, which means, "just shut up and believe me or else you're a bad person."

That pretty much says it. Praise Pixie!