Carnonymous the Brilliant Talks to Porn Producers - GoFuckYourself.com

Donny · 06-13-2005, 10:50 AM

I love this guy's blog. Awhile back I linked to an article from here on GFY and since that time some of you seem to have bookmarked his site. Others have linked to articles he's written.

Today he addresses all of us:

http://angryfacecentral.blogspot.com...ith-porno.html

He has a point, guys! Reduce the amount of fucking balls in a scene. LOL.

Donny · 06-13-2005, 10:56 AM

Particularly funny quote:

How in the hell is some 17 year old gonna learn how to put his girl in the reverse cowgirl, or proper oral techniques if mom can't even talk about the basics without getting red faced and leaving.

bubblestpb · 06-13-2005, 07:27 PM

Thanks for the props Donovan.

Donny · 06-13-2005, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bubblestpb

Thanks for the props Donovan.

Could it be the man himself?

If so, you're blog is fuckin' hilarious dude. Did you find the board in your referrer logs?

bubblestpb · 06-13-2005, 07:30 PM

Yes this is Carnonymous, I saw some traffic coming from this site so I thought I would register. For some reason I decided to use the name of my favorite Trailer Park Boys character.

Interesting board.......lol.

Donny, any suggestions on how to boost traffic to my site?

Donny · 06-13-2005, 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bubblestpb

Donny, any suggestions on how to boost traffic to my site?

I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you.

Actually, I think you're off to a great start. Search engines will start picking you up. They'll do so more if you start getting more links from other blogs with decent page rank.

Also, if you want to pay a little for some traffic check out adbrite.com. Your blog is non-adult so you probably wouldn't have any restrictions on where you could advertise.

As more people see what you write, more will come via word of mouth. Your webster chronicles and stories from the lot are fuckin' hilarious.

By the way, I want that three column template. Where did you get it?

bubblestpb · 06-13-2005, 07:37 PM

I'm actually suprised as many views/responses the previous threads started here about my stuff got, that one devoted to you guys got so few looks. Here's the article in it's entirety.

I Have Serious Problems With Porno Previews

Since quite a few members of a porno message board apparently like to read my stuff, I thought I would do a rant on something they could take care of. My problem with Porn isn't any of the normal arguments you hear, crap like:

1. Porn is degrading to women: Bullshit I say. Porn, stripping, and afternoon talkshows are really the only industries where women make more than men on average. Unless someone is forcing the girls, or drugging them senseless, I say more power to em. If you want to do that stuff, go for it. But please realize you're a porn star, not a musician for Christs sake. If I see one more VH1 episode where some porn star is trying to actually act as if her band will make it I am going to blow my colon out from shitting my pants cuz I'm laughing so hard. That's a whole other rant though.

2. Porn Ruins Relationships: Again I call bullshit on this. This is just for the ladies. Listening? Okay good, listen up guys like variety. While I completely agree cheating is wrong, porn gives a guy a safe outlet. It's not that we aren't still attracted to you, or don't love you. We just have a biological urge to see other chicks naked. Which would you rather have, a guy crankin one out to a porn movie (and then coming to bed with you and banging the shit out of you) or him nailing the babysitter? I thought so. So the next time you catch your man at the computer takin care of bidness don't frig out on him.

3. Porn Is Bad For Kids: While I don't think a 12 year old needs to be watchin porn, I do think that it's okay for highschoolers and older folks. Let's face it, most parents are too uptight to even talk about the basics of sex with their kids. How in the hell is some 17 year old gonna learn how to put his girl in the reverse cowgirl, or proper oral techniques if mom can't even talk about the basics without getting red faced and leaving.

No my problem with porn is all those crap websites out there and their shitty previews. Like they have some really hot looking broad on the front, great pics of her, and of course the ubiquitous "Click Here For Free Sample Video!!!" button.

So being a guy I click on the link, after all I want to see this chick naked, and we are usually treated to the following things in this 30 Second clip:

-Opening shot of the guy who bangs all the chicks in the videos. Usually of him and his camera guy wandering around looking for chicks to pick up. They of course talk like it's not a given some chicks gonna get picked up, thus proving they are pimps (roll eyes)

-They run into a chick. After a few bullshit question/answers the chick agrees to go back to their place.

-Cut to chick back at their pad stripping. At this point we think, great she's gettin naked. Sweet now the tops off and we're seeing boobs.

Well basically the other 20 seconds of the preview focus on the guys schlong, or shots of the chick getting porked that are from behind so basically man ass and balls take up 2/3rds of the fucking screen. If we're lucky we get a 2 second shot of the chicks upper half and her moaning.

What the fuck guys? Seriously if you want someone to join your site give us what we want, CHICKS not guys schlongs. And please don't try to get too high on yourselves. Look I understand if you want to have some bullshit premise for your site, but don't try to get too much into the story okay?

In fact if any of you could talk to/work for the folks at the artsy fartsy fancy porno studios, tell them to quit making "Art" porns. No body want's to watch porn stars act, or 30 minutes of fucking buildup, or even really any plausible reason for the folks to take their clothes off and start banging.

Every porno scene should follow the following formula:

-Cut to shot of doctors office, bathroom, work office, house, random warehouse

-Cue hot chick running into guy or guy running into hot chick

-Two (three maximum) lines of bullshit dialogue each, cue porno music

-Proceed with the banging

How fucking hard is it???? Apparently harder than I thought, because it seems so many porn writers/directors/"actors" try to think of what they do as art. Look Jenna Jameson, I realize you aren't really a 21 year old college senior who needs to get an A to graduate so you have to do an "oral exam" with your professor, but please.....let that be the most acting you do. The reason your fans watch you is you have a smokin hot body and we like to see you fuck.

People walk out of a Tom Hanks, Meryl Streep, or Denzel Washington movie and go "wow what a powerful performance I couldn't believe how great the acting was". No one turns off Big Booty Bingo# 438 and goes "wow I was just blown away with Briana Banks acting in that anal scene, I really believed she was an alien and the only way to survive was to suck a mans life force out by having anal sex with him".

Just stick to the fuckin, and porno website owners make those previews at least 73% more man ass/balls free.

Donny · 06-13-2005, 07:37 PM

Oh, one more thing... post here from time to time and add a link to your blog in your sig with some catchy phrase that makes people want to click.

bubblestpb · 06-13-2005, 07:43 PM

Donny shoot me an email.... [email protected]

Donny · 06-13-2005, 07:48 PM

Email sent.

tony286 · 06-13-2005, 08:27 PM

very good read

Donny · 06-13-2005, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tony404

very good read

You should read his "brilliance archived" section. I've read every entry. Very amusing!

chadglni · 06-13-2005, 10:28 PM

Hey dude, I didn't post earlier but I love your stuff. Your blog will grow on it's own as long as you keep writing.

bubblestpb · 06-13-2005, 10:38 PM

Please....please....please, don't call it a blog. Blogs are where losers write about the sammich they made today and their serious thoughts on the latest episode of American Idol.

I really dont like to be lumped in with that crowd, call it a website por favor.

chadglni · 06-13-2005, 10:48 PM

ahahaha ok

selena · 06-14-2005, 01:26 AM

Oooo, I love the Carnonymous rants. I have that bookmarked, and turned my son onto it!

NTSS · 06-14-2005, 01:29 AM

Nice blog....I found it entertaining and easy to read.

06-13-2005, 10:50 AM	#1
Donny As you wish... Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 13,754	Carnonymous the Brilliant Talks to Porn Producers I love this guy's blog. Awhile back I linked to an article from here on GFY and since that time some of you seem to have bookmarked his site. Others have linked to articles he's written. Today he addresses all of us: http://angryfacecentral.blogspot.com...ith-porno.html He has a point, guys! Reduce the amount of fucking balls in a scene. LOL.

06-13-2005, 10:28 PM	#13
chadglni Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: PEI, Canada Posts: 6,924	Hey dude, I didn't post earlier but I love your stuff. Your blog will grow on it's own as long as you keep writing. __________________ Sign up here - Dating Site affiliate program

06-13-2005, 10:48 PM	#15
chadglni Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: PEI, Canada Posts: 6,924	ahahaha ok __________________ Sign up here - Dating Site affiliate program

06-14-2005, 01:26 AM	#16
selena Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: On The Edge Posts: 7,994	Oooo, I love the Carnonymous rants. I have that bookmarked, and turned my son onto it! __________________ ~ Doer of Things at MetArtMoney Where Flawless Beauty Meets Art ~The MetArt Network ~ selena.delgado9

06-14-2005, 01:29 AM	#17
NTSS Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Da Hood Posts: 5,688	Nice blog....I found it entertaining and easy to read. __________________ ICQ: 150-803-430 Email: marketing7(at)cox(dot)net

06-13-2005, 10:56 AM	#2
Donny As you wish... Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 13,754	Particularly funny quote: *How in the hell is some 17 year old gonna learn how to put his girl in the reverse cowgirl, or proper oral techniques if mom can't even talk about the basics without getting red faced and leaving.*

06-13-2005, 07:27 PM	#3
bubblestpb Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 7	Thanks for the props Donovan.

06-13-2005, 07:30 PM	#5
bubblestpb Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 7	Yes this is Carnonymous, I saw some traffic coming from this site so I thought I would register. For some reason I decided to use the name of my favorite Trailer Park Boys character. Interesting board.......lol. Donny, any suggestions on how to boost traffic to my site?

06-13-2005, 07:37 PM	#7
bubblestpb Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 7	I'm actually suprised as many views/responses the previous threads started here about my stuff got, that one devoted to you guys got so few looks. Here's the article in it's entirety. I Have Serious Problems With Porno Previews Since quite a few members of a porno message board apparently like to read my stuff, I thought I would do a rant on something they could take care of. My problem with Porn isn't any of the normal arguments you hear, crap like: 1. Porn is degrading to women: Bullshit I say. Porn, stripping, and afternoon talkshows are really the only industries where women make more than men on average. Unless someone is forcing the girls, or drugging them senseless, I say more power to em. If you want to do that stuff, go for it. But please realize you're a porn star, not a musician for Christs sake. If I see one more VH1 episode where some porn star is trying to actually act as if her band will make it I am going to blow my colon out from shitting my pants cuz I'm laughing so hard. That's a whole other rant though. 2. Porn Ruins Relationships: Again I call bullshit on this. This is just for the ladies. Listening? Okay good, listen up guys like variety. While I completely agree cheating is wrong, porn gives a guy a safe outlet. It's not that we aren't still attracted to you, or don't love you. We just have a biological urge to see other chicks naked. Which would you rather have, a guy crankin one out to a porn movie (and then coming to bed with you and banging the shit out of you) or him nailing the babysitter? I thought so. So the next time you catch your man at the computer takin care of bidness don't frig out on him. 3. Porn Is Bad For Kids: While I don't think a 12 year old needs to be watchin porn, I do think that it's okay for highschoolers and older folks. Let's face it, most parents are too uptight to even talk about the basics of sex with their kids. How in the hell is some 17 year old gonna learn how to put his girl in the reverse cowgirl, or proper oral techniques if mom can't even talk about the basics without getting red faced and leaving. No my problem with porn is all those crap websites out there and their shitty previews. Like they have some really hot looking broad on the front, great pics of her, and of course the ubiquitous "Click Here For Free Sample Video!!!" button. So being a guy I click on the link, after all I want to see this chick naked, and we are usually treated to the following things in this 30 Second clip: -Opening shot of the guy who bangs all the chicks in the videos. Usually of him and his camera guy wandering around looking for chicks to pick up. They of course talk like it's not a given some chicks gonna get picked up, thus proving they are pimps (roll eyes) -They run into a chick. After a few bullshit question/answers the chick agrees to go back to their place. -Cut to chick back at their pad stripping. At this point we think, great she's gettin naked. Sweet now the tops off and we're seeing boobs. Well basically the other 20 seconds of the preview focus on the guys schlong, or shots of the chick getting porked that are from behind so basically man ass and balls take up 2/3rds of the fucking screen. If we're lucky we get a 2 second shot of the chicks upper half and her moaning. What the fuck guys? Seriously if you want someone to join your site give us what we want, CHICKS not guys schlongs. And please don't try to get too high on yourselves. Look I understand if you want to have some bullshit premise for your site, but don't try to get too much into the story okay? In fact if any of you could talk to/work for the folks at the artsy fartsy fancy porno studios, tell them to quit making "Art" porns. No body want's to watch porn stars act, or 30 minutes of fucking buildup, or even really any plausible reason for the folks to take their clothes off and start banging. Every porno scene should follow the following formula: -Cut to shot of doctors office, bathroom, work office, house, random warehouse -Cue hot chick running into guy or guy running into hot chick -Two (three maximum) lines of bullshit dialogue each, cue porno music -Proceed with the banging How fucking hard is it???? Apparently harder than I thought, because it seems so many porn writers/directors/"actors" try to think of what they do as art. Look Jenna Jameson, I realize you aren't really a 21 year old college senior who needs to get an A to graduate so you have to do an "oral exam" with your professor, but please.....let that be the most acting you do. The reason your fans watch you is you have a smokin hot body and we like to see you fuck. People walk out of a Tom Hanks, Meryl Streep, or Denzel Washington movie and go "wow what a powerful performance I couldn't believe how great the acting was". No one turns off Big Booty Bingo# 438 and goes "wow I was just blown away with Briana Banks acting in that anal scene, I really believed she was an alien and the only way to survive was to suck a mans life force out by having anal sex with him". Just stick to the fuckin, and porno website owners make those previews at least 73% more man ass/balls free.

06-13-2005, 07:43 PM	#9
bubblestpb Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 7	Donny shoot me an email.... [email protected]

06-13-2005, 07:48 PM	#10
Donny As you wish... Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 13,754	Email sent.

06-13-2005, 08:27 PM	#11
tony286 lurker Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: atlanta Posts: 57,021	very good read

06-13-2005, 10:38 PM	#14
bubblestpb Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 7	Please....please....please, don't call it a blog. Blogs are where losers write about the sammich they made today and their serious thoughts on the latest episode of American Idol. I really dont like to be lumped in with that crowd, call it a website por favor.