Sponsors Spam Me.... - GoFuckYourself.com

CuriousToyBoy2 · 05-20-2004, 06:12 AM

This is from Steve at Lightspeed Cash on another board - it is SOOO good and SOOOO true. I cannot wait to see the sig whores bite who don't even read this first post in this thread!!!

I'd like to find someone who will recruit hot new 18 year old girls that are willing to model nude, then pay her and take her pictures, then update her website regularly and host it on a super reliable, ultrafast server. Also, you'll need to buy lots of extra picture and video content so I won't lose a paying membership too soon.

I'd also like you to cover all the legal expenses, processing costs, and pay the visa registration fees.

I'd like you to provide full page ads, banners (odd-sizes work best for me), and maybe even agree to pay my hosting bill. And I'll need lots of free content. Not the same free content you give everyone, I need new exclusive content. I'll need hosted picture and movie galleries too, on a fast server. But don't put too many ads on them, my surfers don't like ads.

I'd like you to throw huge parties where I can drink myself silly, while I oggle your hot girls and generally make an ass of myself. I'm gonna need a rug to put out my cigarette on. I want you to take me to strip clubs, and I want you to buy me lapdances all night long. If I host a convention, I'll expect you to sponsor it (and if there aren't enough naked chicks, I'm going to tell everyone it was a sausage fest!)

I'll need you to buy a banner spot and post regularly on my message board.

I want you to do all that for no more than 40% of the net revenue that her site generates. I might even ask you to prepay me even if I can't get her site to convert. And you can pay me by check, but I tend to lose them, so you'll need to be willing to re-issue the ones I lose. But going to the bank is such a hassle, could I just have a wire instead? You'll need to eat the wire fees.

Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention that I'm going to accuse you of shaving and cheating if I can't convert any traffic at 1:500 or better. If you are a day late on my payment, I will publicly crucify you. And I'm gonna need a constant supply of new sites from you, I get tired of looking at one after a couple weeks.

And you better not take a day off, if I try to icq you and you are not there within a few minutes, I'm dropping my links! And no matter how few sales I send, I expect you to drop everything and talk to me as long as I want. I'll need lots of advice and support, you don't mind do you?

I want reward points and christmas cards are nice too. Fly me to a convention and pay for my room. But it better be a suite, I need space. Give me bonuses and prizes. And hookers, lots of 'em!

Don't forget I'll also need a non-expiring password to your sites too for "educational" purposes. When I promote your site, I want to be able to say anything to the surfer to make a sale, I don't care if its true or not, pleasing the surfer is your problem.

I'm gonna need a cool baseball jersey customized with my name and favorite number on the back...

And no matter what you do for me, I might just decide to try someone else's program for a while, cuz you are probably making too much money anyway on typeins and upsells... And if you get someone else pushing your sites, I'm going to drop you completely, because then you'll be "over saturated".

Oh yeah, and you are gonna need lots of sites, and I want to be paid on sales to all of them from your exits. Better yet, I'll require no-console linking codes, cuz I hate popups. But don't even think about paying me less for my joins.

You'll need to join the lawsuit against Acacia, I don't care how much it costs. But if you settle, I'll tear you apart on the boards and recommend that everyone boycotts you.

And I want to lump you in with all the scammers and scumballs that have ever made money on the net. I don't care if you are honest, I have to blame someone for a bad week, and its gonna be you.

Oh yeah, and for your 40%, I want to be able to break my promises anytime, I really don't want you to be able to rely on me. I'll send you traffic when I fucking feel like it. But if you break one of YOUR promises to me, I'll drop you and move on.

Any takers?

Adultlexicon · 05-20-2004, 07:18 AM

sounds like a good deal im in

SykkBoy · 05-20-2004, 08:34 AM

that's some funny shit

and soooooo true

All the content we offer our affiliates and they still want passwords to our memebers area...then after raiding the members area, they "forget" to send traffic.

angeleyes · 05-20-2004, 08:45 AM

Paul Markham · 05-20-2004, 08:52 AM

I think Steve has had a bad day with an affiliate.

Just a hint I'm getting.

Jace · 05-20-2004, 08:57 AM

i can't believe no o ne has responded without reading first....damn, that woul;d have been fun

Dildozer · 05-20-2004, 09:37 AM

LOL

We, webmasters, are dumb fucks for sure
Go Steve!

MPBWhitney · 05-20-2004, 10:06 AM

LOL good one~!!!

Whitney

Jer · 05-20-2004, 10:08 AM

It was ON THIS BOARD.

ElvisManson · 05-20-2004, 10:10 AM

I think Steve forgot to add

"and i need you to handle customer service 24/7 for all the pissed off surfers that can't find whatever i promised them"

Dirty D · 05-20-2004, 10:32 AM

Steve... Preaching the adult program mangager gospel!

SteveLightspeed · 05-20-2004, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ElvisManson
I think Steve forgot to add

"and i need you to handle customer service 24/7 for all the pissed off surfers that can't find whatever i promised them"

No shit! You have no idea how many times I've answered emails that read "where is the set of Tawnee's gangbang, and what time does her live show start?"

Steve Lightspeed

rocki · 05-20-2004, 12:23 PM

lol@steve.... and SO TRUE!

Ecstasy Glass · 05-20-2004, 01:29 PM

Great fucking thread. Where do I sign up?

FlyingIguana · 05-20-2004, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SykkBoy2
that's some funny shit

and soooooo true

All the content we offer our affiliates and they still want passwords to our memebers area...then after raiding the members area, they "forget" to send traffic.

if i get a pass and i see the members area is shit, i won't send anything.

but i bet there are a lot of free loaders out there looking for a free wank.

axelcat · 05-20-2004, 02:08 PM

SteveLightspeed · 06-01-2005, 09:57 AM

Bump for an old classic post

05-20-2004, 06:12 AM	#1
CuriousToyBoy2 So Fucking Banned Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: The Land Downunder Posts: 707	Sponsors Spam Me.... This is from Steve at Lightspeed Cash on another board - it is SOOO good and SOOOO true. I cannot wait to see the sig whores bite who don't even read this first post in this thread!!! I'd like to find someone who will recruit hot new 18 year old girls that are willing to model nude, then pay her and take her pictures, then update her website regularly and host it on a super reliable, ultrafast server. Also, you'll need to buy lots of extra picture and video content so I won't lose a paying membership too soon. I'd also like you to cover all the legal expenses, processing costs, and pay the visa registration fees. I'd like you to provide full page ads, banners (odd-sizes work best for me), and maybe even agree to pay my hosting bill. And I'll need lots of free content. Not the same free content you give everyone, I need new exclusive content. I'll need hosted picture and movie galleries too, on a fast server. But don't put too many ads on them, my surfers don't like ads. I'd like you to throw huge parties where I can drink myself silly, while I oggle your hot girls and generally make an ass of myself. I'm gonna need a rug to put out my cigarette on. I want you to take me to strip clubs, and I want you to buy me lapdances all night long. If I host a convention, I'll expect you to sponsor it (and if there aren't enough naked chicks, I'm going to tell everyone it was a sausage fest!) I'll need you to buy a banner spot and post regularly on my message board. I want you to do all that for no more than 40% of the net revenue that her site generates. I might even ask you to prepay me even if I can't get her site to convert. And you can pay me by check, but I tend to lose them, so you'll need to be willing to re-issue the ones I lose. But going to the bank is such a hassle, could I just have a wire instead? You'll need to eat the wire fees. Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention that I'm going to accuse you of shaving and cheating if I can't convert any traffic at 1:500 or better. If you are a day late on my payment, I will publicly crucify you. And I'm gonna need a constant supply of new sites from you, I get tired of looking at one after a couple weeks. And you better not take a day off, if I try to icq you and you are not there within a few minutes, I'm dropping my links! And no matter how few sales I send, I expect you to drop everything and talk to me as long as I want. I'll need lots of advice and support, you don't mind do you? I want reward points and christmas cards are nice too. Fly me to a convention and pay for my room. But it better be a suite, I need space. Give me bonuses and prizes. And hookers, lots of 'em! Don't forget I'll also need a non-expiring password to your sites too for "educational" purposes. When I promote your site, I want to be able to say anything to the surfer to make a sale, I don't care if its true or not, pleasing the surfer is your problem. I'm gonna need a cool baseball jersey customized with my name and favorite number on the back... And no matter what you do for me, I might just decide to try someone else's program for a while, cuz you are probably making too much money anyway on typeins and upsells... And if you get someone else pushing your sites, I'm going to drop you completely, because then you'll be "over saturated". Oh yeah, and you are gonna need lots of sites, and I want to be paid on sales to all of them from your exits. Better yet, I'll require no-console linking codes, cuz I hate popups. But don't even think about paying me less for my joins. You'll need to join the lawsuit against Acacia, I don't care how much it costs. But if you settle, I'll tear you apart on the boards and recommend that everyone boycotts you. And I want to lump you in with all the scammers and scumballs that have ever made money on the net. I don't care if you are honest, I have to blame someone for a bad week, and its gonna be you. Oh yeah, and for your 40%, I want to be able to break my promises anytime, I really don't want you to be able to rely on me. I'll send you traffic when I fucking feel like it. But if you break one of YOUR promises to me, I'll drop you and move on. Any takers?

05-20-2004, 08:34 AM	#3
SykkBoy Jesus loves bacon Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Sin City, Motherfucker Posts: 19,969	that's some funny shit and soooooo true All the content we offer our affiliates and they still want passwords to our memebers area...then after raiding the members area, they "forget" to send traffic. __________________ Support my new movie “The Second Coming”

05-20-2004, 08:45 AM	#4
angeleyes Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Wandering around FL using random Wireless Connections Posts: 3,584	__________________ Need a Writer? Contact Me. I write quality descriptions, short erotic stories, quality one-liners.. whatever you need.

05-20-2004, 08:52 AM	#5
Paul Markham Too old to care Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: On the sofa, watching TV or doing my jigsaws. Posts: 52,943	I think Steve has had a bad day with an affiliate. Just a hint I'm getting. __________________ Blowout deal. 880 videos, 2,400 image sets, plus many RAW videos. $500. PM me for a deal. Skype Paulmarkham70

05-20-2004, 09:37 AM	#7
Dildozer Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Montreal Posts: 7,519	LOL We, webmasters, are dumb fucks for sure Go Steve! __________________ Spam link here

05-20-2004, 07:18 AM	#2
Adultlexicon Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Netherlands Posts: 816	sounds like a good deal im in

05-20-2004, 08:57 AM	#6
Jace FBOP Class Of 2013 Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: bumfuck, ky Posts: 35,562	i can't believe no o ne has responded without reading first....damn, that woul;d have been fun

05-20-2004, 10:06 AM	#8
MPBWhitney Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Vancouver, Canada Posts: 507	LOL good one~!!! Whitney __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

05-20-2004, 10:08 AM	#9
Jer God is Brazilian Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Brazil Posts: 10,601	It was ON THIS BOARD.

05-20-2004, 10:10 AM	#10
ElvisManson Looking California Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 5,476	I think Steve forgot to add "and i need you to handle customer service 24/7 for all the pissed off surfers that can't find whatever i promised them"

05-20-2004, 10:32 AM	#11
Dirty D Confirmed User Join Date: May 2002 Location: Paying Webmasters Millions Since 1999 Posts: 4,044	Steve... Preaching the adult program mangager gospel! __________________ Dirty D - ICQ #1326843 - $1 Million Dollars of Bonus Money - 8,000+ FHG! Glory Hole Girlz - Crack Whore Confessions - Tampa Bukkake - Slut Wife Training - Fuck a Fan Electricity Play - Porn Video Drive - Theater Sluts - Skunk Riley - Ukraine Amateurs - Strapon Sessions

05-20-2004, 12:23 PM	#13
rocki Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Fort Lauderdale Posts: 988	lol@steve.... and SO TRUE!

05-20-2004, 01:29 PM	#14
Ecstasy Glass Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Northern California Posts: 315	Great fucking thread. Where do I sign up? __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

05-20-2004, 02:08 PM	#16
axelcat Adult Locals Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: West Coast Posts: 25,450

06-01-2005, 09:57 AM	#17
SteveLightspeed Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Lightspeedworld Posts: 7,940	Bump for an old classic post __________________ Abra-cadabra!