31 Very Bad Masturbation Ideas

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  • TTiger
    Confirmed User
    • Mar 2002
    • 3030
    #1

    31 Very Bad Masturbation Ideas

    31 Very Bad Masturbation Ideas


    hough we encourage sexual experimentation, getting too creative can sometimes be a very, very bad thing. Here our readers share some of the masturbation disasters. Learn from their mistakes!

    http://www.collegesexadvice.com/mast...mistakes.shtml
    Tags: None
    • Screaming
      I can change this!!!!!
      • Feb 2004
      • 18972
      #2
      cant even bring myself to click those links

        Comment

        • Hornydog4cooter
          Confirmed User
          • Jan 2005
          • 2859
          #3
          "One time I put two neodymium magnets on each side of my scrotum. They slammed together and the magnetic force was so tremendous I couldn't remove them without tools. I took two pairs of pliers and pulled like hell. They came off but I couldn't feel my sack until the next day, when it hurt like hell."

            Comment

            • Spunky
              I need a beer
              • Jun 2002
              • 133986
              #4
              Some of those are hilarious

              With a TV remote

              One night I was home alone and watching TV. I suddenly "got that urge" and needed to hump something fast. All I could find to use that was remotely close to a dildo was, ironically, the remote. It was fairly good-sized and I was forcing it in and out of my pussy and rubbing my clit at the same time, and the buttons felt INCREDIBLE. So after I came, I took the remote out and wiped it off on my pants, and started to use it ... but it didn't work! I changed the batteries, I cleaned it as best I could, but all my cum had totally clogged and fried the thing! So I had to throw it against the wall until it looked plenty broken and then I told my parents I stepped on it.

                Comment

                • MandyBlake
                  The one and only!
                  • Nov 2002
                  • 17761
                  #5
                  lol those are great.
                  very amusing.
                  Mandy's Playhouse
                  Her First Fat Girl
                  If you're interested in promoting my sites, ICQ me! 178411921

                    Comment

                    • BlingDaddy
                      Confirmed User
                      • Apr 2004
                      • 6343
                      #6
                      The best solution is The Masturbation Station
                      Every Day... Bling Daddy's Masturbation Station!
                      Bling Daddy's Masturbation Station!

                      The Daily Bag of Douche - Humor at it's FINEST.

                        Comment

                        • xint
                          Registered User
                          • Apr 2005
                          • 32
                          #7
                          #

                          With shampoo

                          During my first semester at college I found that I had a lot of time to masturbate. One night I decided to masturbate, so I put some porn in the DVD player and tried to find some lotion to use as lube. I couldn't find any, so I figured that I could use some shampoo. While I was whacking off it felt really good! The shampoo had a tingling sensation on my cock. Unfortunately, I did not know that the shampoo dries your skin out. My cock's skin got really tight and started to crack, much like chapped lips. It hurt like hell as the skin fell off my cock to reveal new pink skin underneath. I'm fine now, but I always make sure I have some KY on hand!
                          Fook man! ...what kind of shampoo was he using!?

                          ...wait... I really dont wanna know
                          SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60. Let me repeat... A 120 x 60 button and no more that 3 lines of DEFAULT SIZE AND COLOR text.

                            Comment

                            • Mike Okitch
                              Confirmed User
                              • May 2004
                              • 4126
                              #8
                              "I was masturbating with a candle like I usually do, but I couldn't find my usual one, so I decided to use a teal-colored one. After cumming multiple times I pulled the candle out and realized it was faded white.... I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and my cum was teal. I'll never use that candlestick again; now I only use white ones!"

                              Like I usually do? WTF? I'm pretty straight forward when it comes to wanking. Can someone fill me in on how that one works?
                              SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

                                Comment

                                • Doctor Dre
                                  Too lazy to set a custom title
                                  • Jan 2001
                                  • 51692
                                  #9
                                  Originally posted by Mike Okitch
                                  "I was masturbating with a candle like I usually do, but I couldn't find my usual one, so I decided to use a teal-colored one. After cumming multiple times I pulled the candle out and realized it was faded white.... I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and my cum was teal. I'll never use that candlestick again; now I only use white ones!"

                                  Like I usually do? WTF? I'm pretty straight forward when it comes to wanking. Can someone fill me in on how that one works?
                                  There was a girl that did that on cam when I was in high school . Everybody nicknamed her candel girl
                                  Originally posted by rayadp05
                                  I rebooted, deleted temp files, history, cookies and everything...still cannot view the news clip. All I see is that fucking gay ass music video from "Rick Roll". Anyone else have a different link to the news clip?

                                    Comment

                                    • Snake Doctor
                                      I'm Lenny2 Bitch
                                      • Mar 2001
                                      • 13449
                                      #10
                                      They found some seriously demented people to write those.

                                      Brb I have to read the article about how to suck your own dick
                                      sig too big

                                        Comment

                                        • bluedevil
                                          Confirmed User
                                          • Apr 2004
                                          • 2093
                                          #11
                                          Originally posted by Mike Okitch
                                          "I was masturbating with a candle like I usually do, but I couldn't find my usual one, so I decided to use a teal-colored one. After cumming multiple times I pulled the candle out and realized it was faded white.... I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and my cum was teal. I'll never use that candlestick again; now I only use white ones!"
                                          woops, thats a bad idea?

                                          My top money maker

                                            Comment

                                            • Mike Okitch
                                              Confirmed User
                                              • May 2004
                                              • 4126
                                              #12
                                              Originally posted by Doctor Dre
                                              There was a girl that did that on cam when I was in high school . Everybody nicknamed her candel girl
                                              That I could understand but there is a mention of cum being teal, so it wouldn't be a girl. So what is it, inserting it up the peehole?
                                              SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

                                                Comment

                                                • xclusive
                                                  Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                  • Apr 2004
                                                  • 35218
                                                  #13
                                                  Originally posted by Hornydog4cooter
                                                  "One time I put two neodymium magnets on each side of my scrotum. They slammed together and the magnetic force was so tremendous I couldn't remove them without tools. I took two pairs of pliers and pulled like hell. They came off but I couldn't feel my sack until the next day, when it hurt like hell."

                                                  lol might be the funniest thing i've ever heard

                                                  I support MediumPimpin.com / Shemp's Outlawtgp.com /


                                                    Comment

                                                    • Doctor Dre
                                                      Too lazy to set a custom title
                                                      • Jan 2001
                                                      • 51692
                                                      #14
                                                      With chewing gum

                                                      One day I was chewing some Big League Chew gum. It felt so soft and gooey in my mouth that I decided to rub it on my dick. It was the worst decision I ever made! As I was rubbing it on my dick, the gum got caught on my pubes. I got in the shower and spent like an hour trying to get the stuff off. Then I finally decided just to cut my pubes off with some scissors. I had no pubes left.

                                                      rofl ... why would you keep your pubes anyways
                                                      Originally posted by rayadp05
                                                      I rebooted, deleted temp files, history, cookies and everything...still cannot view the news clip. All I see is that fucking gay ass music video from "Rick Roll". Anyone else have a different link to the news clip?

                                                        Comment

                                                        • Mike Okitch
                                                          Confirmed User
                                                          • May 2004
                                                          • 4126
                                                          #15
                                                          Originally posted by Doctor Dre
                                                          rofl ... why would you keep your pubes anyways
                                                          Next time you buy something and see "unknown fibers" on the label, you'll know.
                                                          SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

                                                            Comment

                                                            • Freakster
                                                              Confirmed User
                                                              • Jul 2002
                                                              • 833
                                                              #16
                                                              Originally posted by Mike Okitch
                                                              "I was masturbating with a candle like I usually do, but I couldn't find my usual one, so I decided to use a teal-colored one. After cumming multiple times I pulled the candle out and realized it was faded white.... I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and my cum was teal. I'll never use that candlestick again; now I only use white ones!"

                                                              Like I usually do? WTF? I'm pretty straight forward when it comes to wanking. Can someone fill me in on how that one works?
                                                              do you have a pussy?
                                                              174-38-56

                                                                Comment

                                                                • Mike Okitch
                                                                  Confirmed User
                                                                  • May 2004
                                                                  • 4126
                                                                  #17
                                                                  Originally posted by Freakster
                                                                  do you have a pussy?
                                                                  It says "I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and my cum was teal". I've never heard of pussy juice being referred to as "cum" but I've heard of cum being referred to as sperm.
                                                                  SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

                                                                    Comment

                                                                    • GatorB
                                                                      The Demon & 12clicks
                                                                      • Oct 2001
                                                                      • 18208
                                                                      #18
                                                                      http://www.collegesexadvice.com/suck-dick.shtml

                                                                        Comment

                                                                        • Fizzgig
                                                                          Registered User
                                                                          • Feb 2004
                                                                          • 9649
                                                                          #19
                                                                          Originally posted by Mike Okitch
                                                                          It says "I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and my cum was teal". I've never heard of pussy juice being referred to as "cum" but I've heard of cum being referred to as sperm.
                                                                          Have you ever heard of pussy juice being referred to as "mucus"? Cuz it is.
                                                                          ---'-,-{@ Sassy Grrrl @}-'-,---

                                                                            Comment

                                                                            • Mefo
                                                                              Confirmed User
                                                                              • Jun 2002
                                                                              • 6169
                                                                              #20
                                                                              damn that wire one..... ouch

                                                                              With wire

                                                                              I saw an anecdote on the Internet once about how Arabs masturbate and I decided to try it! It involves inserting a long wire into the urethra and down the length of the erect penis. Long story short, the wire didn't follow the path precisely and I ended up stabbing my penis from the inside. I was in the hospital for three days.

                                                                                Comment

                                                                                • Manowar
                                                                                  jellyfish  
                                                                                  • Dec 2003
                                                                                  • 71528
                                                                                  #21

                                                                                    Comment

                                                                                    • Mike Okitch
                                                                                      Confirmed User
                                                                                      • May 2004
                                                                                      • 4126
                                                                                      #22
                                                                                      Originally posted by Fizzgig
                                                                                      Have you ever heard of pussy juice being referred to as "mucus"? Cuz it is.
                                                                                      Yes funnyboy, I have. Now explain what's the relation between mucus and my question.
                                                                                      SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

                                                                                        Comment

                                                                                        • Vitasoy
                                                                                          GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!!
                                                                                          • Oct 2003
                                                                                          • 58202
                                                                                          #23
                                                                                          Nice.. haha those are great.


                                                                                          [email protected]

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