Jokes With Realistic Endings: - GoFuckYourself.com

Donny · 04-19-2005, 08:03 AM

What do you get when you're gay?

Made fun of.
________________

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?

A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.
________________

So, there were an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger.
________________

How do you drown a blonde?
Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling.
________________

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Repeated absences and stealing.
________________

So a mushroom walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.

The bartender calls his psychiatrist to report that he is hallucinating again.
________________

A black man is going to get a vasectomy. He shows up to the doctor's office wearing a suit. The doctor says "Why are you wearing a suit?" The black man says "I just got back from a funeral"
________________

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because it was just the decomposing remains of a long forgotten murder case in a remote field.
________________

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

" Would you like an ice pack? "
________________

Jesus is hanging on the cross and John approaches.

John says: "Jesus, its John. How may I serve thee ain thy time of need?"

Jesus replies: "YEEEAAAAAAAARGGHGGGHGGHGGGHGGHGGH!!!!!"
________________

A man spends his first day in prison talking to his cell mate. His cell mate gives him a few tips on surviving maximum security in his first weeks there, and then pauses to look outside the bars of the cell.

"I got an escape plan", says the man's cell mate.

"What is it?"

"Put this blanket over your head, and I'll tell you what to do when the guard comes back."

The man puts the blanket over his head, and his cell mate begins to rape him. Savagely.
________________

A man walks into a bar

He drinks 6 Newcastles, 4 shots of Jack Daniels, hits on the waitress unsuccessfully, takes his wedding ring off, tried again and fails, drinks 3 more shots, drives home, beats his daughter for coming home late, and cries himself to sleep realizing that he hates his life.
________________

Patrick and Michael were walking along in a forest, when Patrick falls over and breaks his leg on a tree root.

In agony, Patrick turns to Michael and says "Quick, call me an ambulance!".

Michael replies " Okay I'll just go to that public telephone we saw earlier down the path - I'll be back in five minutes. ".
________________

A duck walks into a bar...

Animal control is promptly called, the duck is then taken to a near by park and released.
________________

Why did the deaf man take his parrot to work?

He was weird.
________________

What's the difference between a post box and a vagina?

A post box is a public container for the deposit of outgoing mail, and a vagina is the passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus in female mammals.
________________

Why do Mexicans not like going out in the rain?

It's wet.
________________

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies:

"I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existance and the extent to which I am now protected by law."
________________

Knock knock

Who's there?

The wallet inspector!

Ditch the jokes and come inside, Tim, it's fucking cold.
________________

A chicken begins crossing the street and is hit by several fast moving metal boxes with wheels.
________________

A Blonde and a Brunette jump off a tall building at the same time. Who hits the ground first?

Both of them hit the ground at the same time. Hair colour doesn't affect acceleration due to gravity.
________________

A man walks into a bar.

He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.
________________

What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.
________________

Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
________________

A man walks into a whorehouse and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life.

When asked if he could see the humor in the situation, the child replied "No. No I don't."
________________

A man called a lawyer and asked, "How much will you charge me to answer three questions?"

The lawyer said "$400."

"Wow," said the man. "Isn't that a lot?"

"I guess so." said the lawyer. "When are you going to ask your questions?"
________________

Harmon · 04-19-2005, 08:04 AM

How do you get a nun pregnant?
-- Fuck her

What do you say when you see a dog crossing the street?
-- "hey, there's a dog crossing the street."

who · 04-19-2005, 08:05 AM

Why did I read this thread?
-- Cos I'm a loser.

gangbangjoe · 04-19-2005, 08:06 AM

what is a joke with an realistic ending ?

-- not funny

Donny · 04-19-2005, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gangbangjoe

what is a joke with an realistic ending ?

-- not funny

I found them hilarious.

Cassie · 04-19-2005, 08:27 AM

those were kinda cute.

PenisFace · 04-19-2005, 08:28 AM

somethingawful.com 4 LYFE

pradaboy · 04-19-2005, 08:29 AM

kinda strange to be honest.

woj · 04-19-2005, 08:37 AM

so stupid that they were actually funny...

04-19-2005, 08:03 AM	#1
Donny As you wish... Industry Role: Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 13,754	Jokes With Realistic Endings: What do you get when you're gay? Made fun of. ________________ What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede? A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering. ________________ So, there were an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger. ________________ How do you drown a blonde? Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling. ________________ Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Repeated absences and stealing. ________________ So a mushroom walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender calls his psychiatrist to report that he is hallucinating again. ________________ A black man is going to get a vasectomy. He shows up to the doctor's office wearing a suit. The doctor says "Why are you wearing a suit?" The black man says "I just got back from a funeral" ________________ Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because it was just the decomposing remains of a long forgotten murder case in a remote field. ________________ What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? " Would you like an ice pack? " ________________ Jesus is hanging on the cross and John approaches. John says: "Jesus, its John. How may I serve thee ain thy time of need?" Jesus replies: "YEEEAAAAAAAARGGHGGGHGGHGGGHGGHGGH!!!!!" ________________ A man spends his first day in prison talking to his cell mate. His cell mate gives him a few tips on surviving maximum security in his first weeks there, and then pauses to look outside the bars of the cell. "I got an escape plan", says the man's cell mate. "What is it?" "Put this blanket over your head, and I'll tell you what to do when the guard comes back." The man puts the blanket over his head, and his cell mate begins to rape him. Savagely. ________________ A man walks into a bar He drinks 6 Newcastles, 4 shots of Jack Daniels, hits on the waitress unsuccessfully, takes his wedding ring off, tried again and fails, drinks 3 more shots, drives home, beats his daughter for coming home late, and cries himself to sleep realizing that he hates his life. ________________ Patrick and Michael were walking along in a forest, when Patrick falls over and breaks his leg on a tree root. In agony, Patrick turns to Michael and says "Quick, call me an ambulance!". Michael replies " Okay I'll just go to that public telephone we saw earlier down the path - I'll be back in five minutes. ". ________________ A duck walks into a bar... Animal control is promptly called, the duck is then taken to a near by park and released. ________________ Why did the deaf man take his parrot to work? He was weird. ________________ What's the difference between a post box and a vagina? A post box is a public container for the deposit of outgoing mail, and a vagina is the passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus in female mammals. ________________ Why do Mexicans not like going out in the rain? It's wet. ________________ A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existance and the extent to which I am now protected by law." ________________ Knock knock Who's there? The wallet inspector! Ditch the jokes and come inside, Tim, it's fucking cold. ________________ A chicken begins crossing the street and is hit by several fast moving metal boxes with wheels. ________________ A Blonde and a Brunette jump off a tall building at the same time. Who hits the ground first? Both of them hit the ground at the same time. Hair colour doesn't affect acceleration due to gravity. ________________ A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family. ________________ What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust. ________________ Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear. ________________ A man walks into a whorehouse and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life. When asked if he could see the humor in the situation, the child replied "No. No I don't." ________________ A man called a lawyer and asked, "How much will you charge me to answer three questions?" The lawyer said "$400." "Wow," said the man. "Isn't that a lot?" "I guess so." said the lawyer. "When are you going to ask your questions?" ________________

04-19-2005, 08:04 AM	#2
Harmon ( ͡ʘ╭͜ʖ╮͡ʘ) Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 20,010	How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Fuck her What do you say when you see a dog crossing the street? -- "hey, there's a dog crossing the street." __________________ [email protected]

04-19-2005, 08:06 AM	#4
gangbangjoe Ronin Join Date: May 2004 Location: Live by the code Die by the code Posts: 17,693	what is a joke with an realistic ending ? -- not funny __________________ NichePay - $30 on all trials - Killer Ratios .................................................. Female Ejaculation - Hairy - Shemale Puffy Nipples - Huge Clits - And More! ..................................................

04-19-2005, 08:27 AM	#6
Cassie Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 3,139	those were kinda cute. __________________ ICQ: 309756847 ]

04-19-2005, 08:28 AM	#7
PenisFace Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Vancouver Posts: 3,774	somethingawful.com 4 LYFE __________________ Need custom blog posts or articles? Hit me up: Blog And Article Writer Yes, I can do any kind of custom orders, too! ICQ: 641204000

04-19-2005, 08:05 AM	#3
who So Fucking Banned Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: ICQ #23642053 Posts: 19,593	Why did I read this thread? -- Cos I'm a loser.

04-19-2005, 08:29 AM	#8
pradaboy sell me your banners Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: on the tubes Posts: 12,931	kinda strange to be honest. __________________ Media Buyer - Sell me your traffic! FREE to register domains... Better than 99% of the crap sold here!

04-19-2005, 08:37 AM	#9
woj <&(©¿©)&> Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Chicago Posts: 47,882	so stupid that they were actually funny... __________________ Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000 Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager