Dear Alcohol - GoFuckYourself.com

Tala · 04-16-2005, 09:18 AM

Dear Alcohol:

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m.! Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends / girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous.. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be
minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocateur for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

thank you,

Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3 . Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. British Constitution

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

2. Nope, no more beer for me.

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?

5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

HpicAnn · 04-16-2005, 09:24 AM

Thi is good thanks for sharing tala!!

mardigras · 04-16-2005, 09:36 AM

But occifer, I'm not as drink as you thunk I am... I've only had ti martoonies

quiet · 04-16-2005, 09:37 AM

Tala · 04-16-2005, 09:38 AM

Honest marguarita, I haven't had any occifers tonight.

Barefootsies · 04-16-2005, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tala

Dear Alcohol:

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m.! Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends / girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous.. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be
minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocateur for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

thank you,

Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3 . Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. British Constitution

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

2. Nope, no more beer for me.

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?

5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

This is priceless. Thanks for the laugh. I know I've thought the same many times in the past, just never sat down to write and Ode to Alcohol.

Drake · 04-16-2005, 09:50 AM

Tala · 04-16-2005, 09:51 AM

DomBuyer · 04-16-2005, 09:58 AM

:food-smil

evilmaster · 04-16-2005, 10:05 AM

Nice! Thx for the laugh.

Tala · 04-16-2005, 10:25 AM

Just doing my part ot keep up morale.

Abyss_Vee · 04-16-2005, 10:45 AM

i woke up with the worst hangover =(

pxxx · 04-16-2005, 10:49 AM

LOL,that was a nice story.

Head · 04-16-2005, 11:34 AM

JFK · 04-16-2005, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tala

Just doing my part ot keep up morale.

Thanks, we will recommend you for a Civic Citation

pradaboy · 04-16-2005, 12:44 PM

lol this thread could've been posted by Karen from Will&Grace

that was my first association to be honest

loverboy · 04-16-2005, 01:36 PM

i need a shot of tequilla

DutchTeenCash · 04-16-2005, 01:41 PM

lol funny

woj · 04-16-2005, 01:53 PM

nice, pretty cool

sickkittens · 04-16-2005, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mardigras

But occifer, I'm not as drink as you thunk I am... I've only had ti martoonies

I always thought people never said occifer when they were drunk until my friend told actually said that to a cop.

smack · 04-16-2005, 03:51 PM

Dear Alcohol,

I love you please don't ever go away.

Yours Truely,
Smack

Tala · 04-16-2005, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JFK

Thanks, we will recommend you for a Civic Citation

Only if it comes with a bottle of Captain Morgan. Thank you.

04-16-2005, 09:18 AM	#1
Tala Fucked if I know Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Do you have a flag? Posts: 23,368	Dear Alcohol Dear Alcohol: First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences: 1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m.! Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends / girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night? 2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time. 3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock. 4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous.. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities. Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocateur for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership. thank you, Your biggest fan P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3 . Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. British Constitution 3. Passive-aggressive disorder THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. 2. Nope, no more beer for me. 3. Sorry, but you're not really my type. 4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight? 5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing. __________________ ICQ: 11120676 \| Google: mindcrime \| Skype: suitemindcrime\|E-Mail: mindcrime AT gmail.com\|PR girl with great writing skills for hire!!!! Contact me to work for YOU!\|TECHIEMEDIA? 24/7 support from some of the best techs in the biz. Tell Jim that I sent you.

04-16-2005, 09:24 AM	#2
HpicAnn Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 4,319	Thi is good thanks for sharing tala!! __________________ GiVe YoU a BiG......... tImE Best Converting Webmaster Programs! All Niches Covered! [email protected] IcQ: 226461222

04-16-2005, 09:36 AM	#3
mardigras Bon temps! Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: down yonder Posts: 14,194	But occifer, I'm not as drink as you thunk I am... I've only had ti martoonies __________________ .

04-16-2005, 09:37 AM	#4
quiet we'll miss you our friend. RIP Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Fernie, BC Posts: 25,115	__________________ we'll miss you our friend. RIP

04-16-2005, 09:38 AM	#5
Tala Fucked if I know Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Do you have a flag? Posts: 23,368	Honest marguarita, I haven't had any occifers tonight. __________________ ICQ: 11120676 \| Google: mindcrime \| Skype: suitemindcrime\|E-Mail: mindcrime AT gmail.com\|PR girl with great writing skills for hire!!!! Contact me to work for YOU!\|TECHIEMEDIA? 24/7 support from some of the best techs in the biz. Tell Jim that I sent you.

04-16-2005, 09:50 AM	#7
Drake Hello world! Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 12,508

04-16-2005, 09:51 AM	#8
Tala Fucked if I know Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Do you have a flag? Posts: 23,368	__________________ ICQ: 11120676 \| Google: mindcrime \| Skype: suitemindcrime\|E-Mail: mindcrime AT gmail.com\|PR girl with great writing skills for hire!!!! Contact me to work for YOU!\|TECHIEMEDIA? 24/7 support from some of the best techs in the biz. Tell Jim that I sent you.

04-16-2005, 09:58 AM	#9
DomBuyer Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Amalfi Coast Posts: 2,595	:food-smil

04-16-2005, 10:05 AM	#10
evilmaster Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 1,281	Nice! Thx for the laugh.

04-16-2005, 10:25 AM	#11
Tala Fucked if I know Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Do you have a flag? Posts: 23,368	Just doing my part ot keep up morale. __________________ ICQ: 11120676 \| Google: mindcrime \| Skype: suitemindcrime\|E-Mail: mindcrime AT gmail.com\|PR girl with great writing skills for hire!!!! Contact me to work for YOU!\|TECHIEMEDIA? 24/7 support from some of the best techs in the biz. Tell Jim that I sent you.

04-16-2005, 10:45 AM	#12
Abyss_Vee Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 5,208	i woke up with the worst hangover =(

04-16-2005, 10:49 AM	#13
pxxx First African GFY Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,114	LOL,that was a nice story.

04-16-2005, 11:34 AM	#14
Head Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Starship Enterprise Posts: 8,278	__________________

04-16-2005, 12:44 PM	#16
pradaboy sell me your banners Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: on the tubes Posts: 12,931	lol this thread could've been posted by Karen from Will&Grace that was my first association to be honest __________________ Media Buyer - Sell me your traffic! FREE to register domains... Better than 99% of the crap sold here!

04-16-2005, 01:36 PM	#17
loverboy When it rains, it pours Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 20,609	i need a shot of tequilla

04-16-2005, 01:41 PM	#18
DutchTeenCash I like Dutch Girls Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: dutchteencash.com Posts: 21,684	lol funny __________________ ICQ 16 91 547 - SKYPE dutchteencash bob AT dutchteencash DOT com ... did you see our newest Sweet Natural Girl Priscilla (18)?

04-16-2005, 01:53 PM	#19
woj <&(©¿©)&> Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Chicago Posts: 47,882	nice, pretty cool __________________ Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000 Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager

04-16-2005, 03:51 PM	#21
smack Push Porn Like Weight. Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Inside .NET Posts: 10,652	Dear Alcohol, I love you please don't ever go away. Yours Truely, Smack __________________ Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.