GFY members' confessions to Jesus - GoFuckYourself.com

psili · 03-24-2005, 02:29 PM

So I have this lame "Confess to Jesus" website that I sport in my sig, and the only traffic the site gets is from GFY people clicking on it, as I don't advertise the site anywhere else. And happily, a couple hundred questions and confessions have been made.

Since Jesus isn't real, I thought I'd take the time to answer some of the questions posed (questions paraphrased to protect the sick individuals asking them):

1. To the person hiring prostitutes to have paddle boat races:
- No, it's not a sin. Actually Jesus and God look highly on such activity. Mary Magdalene is actually the paddle boat champion in Heaven.

2. To the horny guy at work who wants to "foul" his young coworkers:
- Take a cold shower. Workplace sex is frowned upon.

3. To the dude who lost his virginity to the sucking end of a vacuum cleaner:
- You can't lose your virginity to inanimate objects. However, I wouldn't confide this little tidbit to anyone else, as you'd probably be branded an "appliance fucker" the rest of your life.

4. To the person fucking his Aunt Marta's goat:
- God doesn't dig on people befouling his innocent creatures, you sick goat fucker. There's not enough Hail Mary's in the world to save your ass. You're pretty much hell bound.

5. To the person jerking off onto his mother's picture of Jesus:
- Look man, as long as you properly clean the cum off his beard and out of the eyes, I think you'll be safe. I'd be more worried about what your mom would do if she caught you, than God's wrath for spewing goo on his son's portrait.

6. To the horney person who "musterbert" to "mans dick":
- Masturbation's natural. Flog the dolphin / Do the finger dance whenever you feel like it. If you're a hot chick, send pictures of this to webmaster at confesstojesus.com as donations make the Lord happy.

7. To the person inquiring if Jesus likes the perky little nippled ones or the droopy big saucer nippled ones:
- I'm sure he digs them in all shapes and sizes. However, I like the nice perky ones. Send pictures to webmaster at confesstojesus.com if you're a hot chick and have such breasts.

8. To the person with the "flaming homosexual" roommate:
- Tell him politely that you do not like cock in your ass. If he doesn't understand, use visual aids to make your point known.

9. To the person who banged the stripper and her friend on spring break:
- Good for you man.

10. To the guy who couldn't stand the Catholic girl's insistence to talk about religion while he was trying to get into her pants:
- Tell her if she fucks you, she'll see God and that Jesus said it was ok for her to do so. If you get the chance and she's hot, take some pictures and send them to webmaster at confesstojesus.com

Just thought I'd share how twisted some people on this board are. That's all. Have a nice day.

sonofsam · 03-24-2005, 02:29 PM

cliffnotes?

MrHits · 03-24-2005, 02:37 PM

repent you fucking goat fuckers.

MrHits · 03-24-2005, 03:06 PM

amen crackas.

Chio The Pirate · 03-24-2005, 03:11 PM

YARGH! Me first mate Theo The Theologian confesses to Jesus ALOT!

YARGH! he looks like a fruity fruit, but is actually quite nice.

MrHits · 03-24-2005, 03:44 PM

http://chio.confesstojesus.com/

Gheenz · 03-24-2005, 03:49 PM

Ever been to grouphug.us? Good gawd!

AsianDivaGirlsWebDude · 03-24-2005, 03:54 PM

If you talk to Jesus (pronounced Hay-Zeus), tell him to get his ass over to my house and mow my lawn.

Gracias,

ADG webmaster

axelcat · 03-24-2005, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sonofsam

cliffnotes?

gayJesus · 03-24-2005, 04:17 PM

Jesus isn't real?

No way, man! I beg to differ.

see: JESUS

03-24-2005, 02:29 PM	#1
psili Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Loveland, CO Posts: 5,526	GFY members' confessions to Jesus So I have this lame "Confess to Jesus" website that I sport in my sig, and the only traffic the site gets is from GFY people clicking on it, as I don't advertise the site anywhere else. And happily, a couple hundred questions and confessions have been made. Since Jesus isn't real, I thought I'd take the time to answer some of the questions posed (questions paraphrased to protect the sick individuals asking them): 1. To the person hiring prostitutes to have paddle boat races: - No, it's not a sin. Actually Jesus and God look highly on such activity. Mary Magdalene is actually the paddle boat champion in Heaven. 2. To the horny guy at work who wants to "foul" his young coworkers: - Take a cold shower. Workplace sex is frowned upon. 3. To the dude who lost his virginity to the sucking end of a vacuum cleaner: - You can't lose your virginity to inanimate objects. However, I wouldn't confide this little tidbit to anyone else, as you'd probably be branded an "appliance fucker" the rest of your life. 4. To the person fucking his Aunt Marta's goat: - God doesn't dig on people befouling his innocent creatures, you sick goat fucker. There's not enough Hail Mary's in the world to save your ass. You're pretty much hell bound. 5. To the person jerking off onto his mother's picture of Jesus: - Look man, as long as you properly clean the cum off his beard and out of the eyes, I think you'll be safe. I'd be more worried about what your mom would do if she caught you, than God's wrath for spewing goo on his son's portrait. 6. To the horney person who "musterbert" to "mans dick": - Masturbation's natural. Flog the dolphin / Do the finger dance whenever you feel like it. If you're a hot chick, send pictures of this to webmaster at confesstojesus.com as donations make the Lord happy. 7. To the person inquiring if Jesus likes the perky little nippled ones or the droopy big saucer nippled ones: - I'm sure he digs them in all shapes and sizes. However, I like the nice perky ones. Send pictures to webmaster at confesstojesus.com if you're a hot chick and have such breasts. 8. To the person with the "flaming homosexual" roommate: - Tell him politely that you do not like cock in your ass. If he doesn't understand, use visual aids to make your point known. 9. To the person who banged the stripper and her friend on spring break: - Good for you man. 10. To the guy who couldn't stand the Catholic girl's insistence to talk about religion while he was trying to get into her pants: - Tell her if she fucks you, she'll see God and that Jesus said it was ok for her to do so. If you get the chance and she's hot, take some pictures and send them to webmaster at confesstojesus.com Just thought I'd share how twisted some people on this board are. That's all. Have a nice day. __________________ Your post count means nothing.

03-24-2005, 02:29 PM	#2
sonofsam Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Vancouver Posts: 18,638	cliffnotes? __________________ I like turtles.

03-24-2005, 02:37 PM	#3
MrHits Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Boulder, CO Posts: 236	repent you fucking goat fuckers. __________________

03-24-2005, 03:06 PM	#4
MrHits Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Boulder, CO Posts: 236	amen crackas. __________________

03-24-2005, 03:44 PM	#6
MrHits Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Boulder, CO Posts: 236	http://chio.confesstojesus.com/ __________________

03-24-2005, 03:11 PM	#5
Chio The Pirate Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: YARGH! On me big sailboat with the skull flags * * ICQ: 39-183769 Posts: 946	YARGH! Me first mate Theo The Theologian confesses to Jesus ALOT! YARGH! he looks like a fruity fruit, but is actually quite nice.

03-24-2005, 03:49 PM	#7
Gheenz Here's Your Sign Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: MT, USA Posts: 2,410	Ever been to grouphug.us? Good gawd! __________________ Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. -Voltaire

03-24-2005, 03:54 PM	#8
AsianDivaGirlsWebDude Purveyor, Fine Asian Porn Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: San Francisco Bay Area Posts: 38,323	If you talk to Jesus (pronounced Hay-Zeus), tell him to get his ass over to my house and mow my lawn. Gracias, ADG webmaster __________________ Asian Diva Girls - Exclusive Photos and Videos Asian Diva Girls Affiliate Program (50% ccBill Revshare)

03-24-2005, 04:17 PM	#10
gayJesus Registered User Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 90	Jesus isn't real? No way, man! I beg to differ. see: JESUS __________________ Uncut Cash Rocks Worshipping Uncut Cock 24/7