Irish Jokes - GoFuckYourself.com

AsianDivaGirlsWebDude · 03-18-2005, 12:15 AM

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"

"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

*****

Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp.

Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the
entire ocean into beer!"

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the
entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.

One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now
we're going to have to piss in the boat."

*****

...some quickies...

Q: What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison oak?
A: A rash of good luck.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone?
A: A Sham Rock.

Q: Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
A: He couldn't afford plane fare.

Q: Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover?
A: You don't want to press your luck.

Q: What do you call an Irishman who keeps bouncing off walls?
A: Rick O'Shea.

Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.

*****

A Parting Poem:

Of all the money that ere I've spent,
I spent it in good company.
And all the harm that ere I've done,
Alas, it was to none but me.
And all I've done for want of wit
To mem'ry now I can't recall,
So fill to me the parting glass,
Good night and joy be with you all.
Of all the comrades that ere I've had,
They're sorry for my going away.
And all the sweethearts that ere I've had,
they wish me one more day to stay.
But since it falls unto my lot
That I should rise and you should not,
I'll gently rise and softly call,
Goodnight and joy be with you all.

ADG Webmaster (Stepson of a true Irishman)

Spunky · 03-18-2005, 12:20 AM

Heh heh ..good ones

Big Red Machine · 03-18-2005, 12:45 AM

Good Stuff

wargames · 03-18-2005, 01:14 AM

Nice jokes.

KRL · 03-18-2005, 01:17 AM

http://www.DirtyJokes.com

foxylady · 03-18-2005, 09:53 AM

good jokes

Cassie · 03-18-2005, 10:48 AM

some good jokes there

Manowar · 03-18-2005, 11:09 AM

axelcat · 03-18-2005, 12:02 PM

ronaldo · 03-18-2005, 12:03 PM

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?

One less drunken Irishman.

03-18-2005, 12:15 AM	#1
AsianDivaGirlsWebDude Purveyor, Fine Asian Porn Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: San Francisco Bay Area Posts: 38,323	Irish Jokes An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf." *** Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances. One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat." * ...some quickies... Q: What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison oak? A: A rash of good luck. Q: What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? A: A Sham Rock. Q: Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? A: He couldn't afford plane fare. Q: Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? A: You don't want to press your luck. Q: What do you call an Irishman who keeps bouncing off walls? A: Rick O'Shea. Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? A: Because they're always a little short. * A Parting Poem: Of all the money that ere I've spent, I spent it in good company. And all the harm that ere I've done, Alas, it was to none but me. And all I've done for want of wit To mem'ry now I can't recall, So fill to me the parting glass, Good night and joy be with you all. Of all the comrades that ere I've had, They're sorry for my going away. And all the sweethearts that ere I've had, they wish me one more day to stay. But since it falls unto my lot That I should rise and you should not, I'll gently rise and softly call, Goodnight and joy be with you all. ADG Webmaster (Stepson of a true Irishman) __________________ Asian Diva Girls - Exclusive Photos and Videos Asian Diva Girls Affiliate Program (50% ccBill Revshare)**

03-18-2005, 12:20 AM	#2
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,949	Heh heh ..good ones __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

03-18-2005, 12:45 AM	#3
Big Red Machine Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: XXXBigRed@Twitter Posts: 9,586	Good Stuff __________________ ICQ:475437214

03-18-2005, 01:14 AM	#4
wargames Kliris Join Date: May 2003 Location: ca Posts: 10,423	Nice jokes. __________________ ICQ 212-115-582 Email Steve at Vas Media Group .com

03-18-2005, 01:17 AM	#5
KRL Entrepreneur Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: USA Posts: 31,429	http://www.DirtyJokes.com __________________ If you would like to develop your domains, you can lease inexpensive foreign labor from the leaders in the field at iWebmasters.com TO LOWER YOUR COSTS AND INCREASE YOUR PRODUCTION! * * * * * * * * * * * * Domains Adult News KRL's Newsletter Biz Tips Just Listed Domains

03-18-2005, 09:53 AM	#6
foxylady Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 1,829	good jokes __________________

03-18-2005, 10:48 AM	#7
Cassie Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: NJ Posts: 3,139	some good jokes there __________________ ICQ: 309756847 ]

03-18-2005, 11:09 AM	#8
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528

03-18-2005, 12:02 PM	#9
axelcat Adult Locals Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: West Coast Posts: 25,450

03-18-2005, 12:03 PM	#10
ronaldo Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: ICQ#: 272000271 Posts: 5,475	What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? One less drunken Irishman.