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[TruckStopProductions]

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

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One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden."You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."Next morning the little man wakes the woman up."Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"
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How are women and tornadoes alike?They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

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There are four kinds of sex :HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.
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This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs."Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"
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This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!".
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A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"
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Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
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Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
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Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
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Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving
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Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period?
A. Finger painting.
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Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
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Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.
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Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
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Q. What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
A. Push it aside and keep on eating...
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Q. How do you say 69 in Chinese?
A. Twocanchew (two can chew).
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Q. Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
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Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
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Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A. A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
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Q. Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A. The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.
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Q. How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?
A. One Post, two Globes, and many Times.
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Q. What does do women and milk cartons have in common?
A. You gotta open the flaps to get to the good stuff.
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Q. What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A. A pussy, cause you have to leave the bags outside.
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[groark]

Some are good
Some are old

[jamesonxx]

Funny stuff pal.