| thefool |
02-27-2005 06:57 PM |
Well I used to be a nanny, so I've raised several children that weren't my own, which makes the task a little less than enjoyable when you clean up gross stuff. If it's your own children, I'm sure its not quite as bad. Lets see...
*I was 17, had long, LONG fingernails, and my family is from Jersey, so the hot thing back then was to wear lots (LOTS) of rings on your fingers, even at the 1/2 way mark. Also to pierce the ends of the nails & have little gold dangling things. So there I am, babysitting & the mother of these 3 monsters tells me that she'd like to potty train her son! Great! They had nicknamed their children Bones, Animal, and Tank... Bones of 5 yrs old and weighed about 35 lbs. The 2 year old, ANIMAL, was about 6" shorter but a few lbs heavier (and he loved to watch WWF with his father!), and the baby was 6 months old and weighed about 30 lbs and didn't move. When I started babysitting (I should have turned them in, but what did I know at 17) the baby was in a car seat type carried and didnt move, they would prop a bottle with a dishcloth to feed him and leave him all day. So the house was condemnable (and was literally bulldozed the week they moved out & I quit watching the kids). I spent my first week CLEANING NONSTOP. There was about 6" of filth on the floors, but the vaccum had no suction, so I spent 3 hrs on the front porch, with 2 wire clothes hangers stretched out, pushing it thru the hose removing all sorts of stuff (trust me, you dont want to know!) So I pull out the couch, under it, there is what probably was a PBJ sandwich from a yr or so prior, cig butts, used condoms, condom wrappers, a half eaten hot dog, a salt shaker, and enough dirty clothes for an entire load. The kitchen I cleaned first because I'd have to eat there, being it was a 5am-5pm (and 8-10pm on pay day cuz the fuckers would go straight to the bar and leave me there!) job. So in the kitchen drawer where they keep the silverware I found a tube of ANAL EASE! But they had a stock pile of Pepsi in the basement that went floor to ceiling (husband worked for Pepsi & apparently helped himself). The kids rooms had no bedding on the beds, SMELLED so bad of piss it nearly knocked you over when you went up the stairs. The parents bedrooms were no better, the bed had DNA all over it, used condoms all over the place, open jars of vaseline on the nightstand, and used tissues all over the floor. It was nasty!
*finally get the house clean, potty training Animal, and when he's not tackeling his brother and giving him bruises, he's tearing up the place. So I laid him down for a nap, I go to check on him & he's fine. I come back in the living room, sit down, and start to feed the baby. I start to smell shit, bad! So I check the baby, he's fine. I go out to the next room, no Animal, there he is in the kitchen! He's standing in front of the window, breeze coming in, and he's smeared shit from head to toe, and all thru the window sill. The only bathroom is upstairs! So there I am trying to get him up the stairs (remember the long nails) so I dont want to TOUCH him. I'm dry heeving the entire way up the stairs. I get him into the bathtub and I stood on the toilet, aiming the shower head at him, gave him a washcloth and a bar of soap and made him wash off the first few layers.
OK, that was probably my grossest job ever!
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