McDonald's Announces its Burgers Have Long Contained Cow Brains - GoFuckYourself.com

TruckStopProductions · 02-14-2005, 12:14 AM

OAK BROOK, Illinois ? To decrease fear of mad cow disease, McDonald's has announced that its burgers have always contained cow brains. It has said that, if there were any great danger of contracting mad cow disease from eating cow brains, billions of their customers would already have it. McDonald's stock rose after the announcement.

"Heck, we put just about anything into our food," said a company spokesman. "People find chicken heads, rat tails, and raw sewage in McDonald's food. They should be pleased to find cow brains."

Health officials say eating cow brains increases the chances of developing prostate cancer and breast cancer, but McDonald's claims that the cancer threat from eating cow brains is only slightly higher than from eating muscle meat, due to cow feed containing carcinogenic pesticides and herbicides.

The McDonald's spokesman assured its stockholders, "Hey, we can kill whoever we want to. We are a corporation."

Saturated fats are another problem associated with cow brains, which are nearly 100% fat. Saturated fats cause breast and prostate cancer, obesity, and other health problems.

"Oh sure, that is what the liberal propaganda, college-educated scientists will tell you," said the company spokesman, "but the fact that they won't take corporate money shows that they know nothing of the American spirit."

"McDonald's wide range of high-quality foods can fit into a balanced diet," said the spokesman, quoting the McDonald's webpage. "We have both kinds of foods, the fatty type and the greasy. If that isn't balanced, I don't know what is."

"We promote healthy diets by offering people food that will give them heart attacks and strokes. They will watch their diet after they have one of those," said McDonald's pitchman, Ronald McDonald. "Oh sure, the previous Ronald McDonald went vegetarian, but that was because ... aaargh, my heart!"

Willie Munchright, the popular What's-on-Your-Plate nutrition education program run by McDonald's, will teach kids to eat what the industry expects them to. "Don't be a lonely loser, eat at McDonald's," Willie will explain. "You will find lots of company in hospital wards."

When confronted about an even more deadly type of fat, partially-hydrogenated oils found in the burger buns, the McDonald's spokesman replied, "The beef and dairy-sponsored food pyramid has oils at the top, signifying their supreme importance. Those who say otherwise are terrorist sympathizers."

"If you want tofu and corporate responsibility, leave this country. You are un-American commie-terrorists," said US Secretary of Agriculture, Ann M. Veneman, whose ties to the beef industry run strong and deep, just like saturated fat running through the hearts of patriotic McDonald's customers.

gh0st · 02-14-2005, 12:15 AM

Uh.. Yeah

Spunky · 02-14-2005, 12:17 AM

I wondered why they tasted so good

Morgan · 02-14-2005, 12:17 AM

lol

Doctor Hung · 02-14-2005, 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ganjasaurus

lol

Ill Take two of those to go with a sprite

galleryseek · 02-14-2005, 12:23 AM

it's sad, but true.

UniversalPass Pete · 02-14-2005, 12:26 AM

They contain COW ASS also!

Mike Okitch · 02-14-2005, 12:31 AM

That post is too long.

And the topic is too dumb.

If you buy into this bullshit, I got beachfront property in Arizona to sell you. It comes with a shiny new bridge

SinSational · 02-14-2005, 12:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike Okitch

That post is too long.

And the topic is too dumb.

If you buy into this bullshit, I got beachfront property in Arizona to sell you. It comes with a shiny new bridge

that must be worth some cash.

TruckStopProductions · 02-14-2005, 12:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike Okitch

That post is too long.

And the topic is too dumb.

If you buy into this bullshit, I got beachfront property in Arizona to sell you. It comes with a shiny new bridge

ive always wanted a shiny bridge. wow how much

Mike Okitch · 02-14-2005, 12:44 AM

ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!!!

abadfish · 02-14-2005, 12:54 AM

That's disgusting... luckily I don't like McD's anyway...

Babagirls · 02-14-2005, 01:03 AM

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighttttt

Big Red Machine · 02-14-2005, 01:06 AM

yada yada yada ...a double cheeseburger for a buck I'll take it

xclusive · 02-14-2005, 01:12 AM

still yummy to me

SleazyDream · 02-14-2005, 01:19 AM

one cow + one blender= ten thousand burgers

NickB. · 02-14-2005, 01:22 AM

FUCK... I just ate 2 bigmac menu's..... an hour ago .....

Jakke PNG · 02-14-2005, 01:32 AM

eating brains makes me smarter

flashfire · 02-14-2005, 01:36 AM

could be worse

Manowar · 02-14-2005, 01:47 AM

you already got banned GarbargeMan, plz fuck off.

VeriSexy · 02-14-2005, 02:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TeenGodFather

eating brains makes me smarter

I think that too

Vitasoy · 02-14-2005, 02:13 AM

What ever is in it... I like it

Sweet Smile · 02-14-2005, 02:39 AM

nyah! lot of my friends really love their burger, hope there's no bad thing might happen to them

smack · 02-14-2005, 02:41 AM

if this surprises anyone, please shoot yourself now.

Drake · 02-14-2005, 02:47 AM

brain does a body good

Project-Shadow · 02-14-2005, 03:12 AM

I wonder how many of the above comments actually bothered to read the article.

You un-American Commie-terrorist!

JFK · 02-14-2005, 04:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TeenGodFather

eating brains makes me smarter

its too bad that the Billions McDonalds served , NOT one of them got smarter

brutus · 02-14-2005, 04:32 AM

SuperSizeMe

groark · 02-14-2005, 05:36 AM

You have proov for that?

StuartD · 02-14-2005, 05:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Project-Shadow

I wonder how many of the above comments actually bothered to read the article.

You un-American Commie-terrorist!

That's what I was wondering. This article is a perfect example of people who read the heading, skim the first sentence or two and then go "omg, I read it on the interweb, it MUST BE TRUE!"

Shoehorn! · 02-14-2005, 05:51 AM

You found this on some Onion ripoff site huh?

Basic_man · 02-14-2005, 05:51 AM

Ho man ! that's sick ! I'll not eat McDonals anymore !

gangbangjoe · 02-14-2005, 06:15 AM

funny guy

lame

02-14-2005, 12:14 AM	#1
TruckStopProductions So Fucking Banned Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 468	McDonald's Announces its Burgers Have Long Contained Cow Brains OAK BROOK, Illinois ? To decrease fear of mad cow disease, McDonald's has announced that its burgers have always contained cow brains. It has said that, if there were any great danger of contracting mad cow disease from eating cow brains, billions of their customers would already have it. McDonald's stock rose after the announcement. "Heck, we put just about anything into our food," said a company spokesman. "People find chicken heads, rat tails, and raw sewage in McDonald's food. They should be pleased to find cow brains." Health officials say eating cow brains increases the chances of developing prostate cancer and breast cancer, but McDonald's claims that the cancer threat from eating cow brains is only slightly higher than from eating muscle meat, due to cow feed containing carcinogenic pesticides and herbicides. The McDonald's spokesman assured its stockholders, "Hey, we can kill whoever we want to. We are a corporation." Saturated fats are another problem associated with cow brains, which are nearly 100% fat. Saturated fats cause breast and prostate cancer, obesity, and other health problems. "Oh sure, that is what the liberal propaganda, college-educated scientists will tell you," said the company spokesman, "but the fact that they won't take corporate money shows that they know nothing of the American spirit." "McDonald's wide range of high-quality foods can fit into a balanced diet," said the spokesman, quoting the McDonald's webpage. "We have both kinds of foods, the fatty type and the greasy. If that isn't balanced, I don't know what is." "We promote healthy diets by offering people food that will give them heart attacks and strokes. They will watch their diet after they have one of those," said McDonald's pitchman, Ronald McDonald. "Oh sure, the previous Ronald McDonald went vegetarian, but that was because ... aaargh, my heart!" Willie Munchright, the popular What's-on-Your-Plate nutrition education program run by McDonald's, will teach kids to eat what the industry expects them to. "Don't be a lonely loser, eat at McDonald's," Willie will explain. "You will find lots of company in hospital wards." When confronted about an even more deadly type of fat, partially-hydrogenated oils found in the burger buns, the McDonald's spokesman replied, "The beef and dairy-sponsored food pyramid has oils at the top, signifying their supreme importance. Those who say otherwise are terrorist sympathizers." "If you want tofu and corporate responsibility, leave this country. You are un-American commie-terrorists," said US Secretary of Agriculture, Ann M. Veneman, whose ties to the beef industry run strong and deep, just like saturated fat running through the hearts of patriotic McDonald's customers.

02-14-2005, 12:17 AM	#3
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,944	I wondered why they tasted so good __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

02-14-2005, 12:17 AM	#4
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02-14-2005, 12:26 AM	#7
UniversalPass Pete Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Los Angeles, CA http://www.universalpass.com Posts: 7,368	They contain COW ASS also! __________________ V4.0 It's Here! NOT JUST AVS ANYMORE! Teen Whore Fetish All Milf Sluts Real Asian Cunts All Latina Cunts Massive XXX Boobs All Out Anal Since 1997. ICQ: 107746038

02-14-2005, 12:31 AM	#8
Mike Okitch Confirmed User Join Date: May 2004 Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba Posts: 4,126	That post is too long. And the topic is too dumb. If you buy into this bullshit, I got beachfront property in Arizona to sell you. It comes with a shiny new bridge __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

02-14-2005, 12:15 AM	#2
gh0st So Fucking Banned Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 928	Uh.. Yeah

02-14-2005, 12:23 AM	#6
galleryseek Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 8,234	it's sad, but true.

02-14-2005, 12:44 AM	#11
Mike Okitch Confirmed User Join Date: May 2004 Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba Posts: 4,126	ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!!! __________________ SIG TOO BIG! Maximum 120x60 button and no more than 3 text lines of DEFAULT SIZE and COLOR. Unless your sig is for a GFY top banner sponsor, then you may use a 624x80 instead of a 120x60.

02-14-2005, 12:54 AM	#12
abadfish Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: WA Posts: 1,482	That's disgusting... luckily I don't like McD's anyway...

02-14-2005, 01:03 AM	#13
Babagirls Text Writer Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 18,812	riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighttttt __________________ Need a Text Writer? Blogs\|Reviews\|Descriptions\|Paysites\|TGP's\|Stories ICQ: 397892500

02-14-2005, 01:06 AM	#14
Big Red Machine Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: XXXBigRed@Twitter Posts: 9,586	yada yada yada ...a double cheeseburger for a buck I'll take it __________________ ICQ:475437214

02-14-2005, 01:12 AM	#15
xclusive Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Buffalo, NY Posts: 35,218	still yummy to me __________________ I support MediumPimpin.com / Shemp's Outlawtgp.com /

02-14-2005, 01:19 AM	#16
SleazyDream I'm here for SPORT Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phone # (401) 285-0696 Posts: 41,470	one cow + one blender= ten thousand burgers __________________ This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! Now read without the word dog.

02-14-2005, 01:22 AM	#17
NickB. Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 8,855	FUCK... I just ate 2 bigmac menu's..... an hour ago .....

02-14-2005, 01:32 AM	#18
Jakke PNG ex-TeenGodFather Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Suomi Finland Perkele Posts: 20,306	eating brains makes me smarter __________________ ..and I'm off.

02-14-2005, 01:36 AM	#19
flashfire ICQ 1 6 7 8 5 3 4 9 2 Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 13,098	could be worse

02-14-2005, 01:47 AM	#20
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528	you already got banned GarbargeMan, plz fuck off.

02-14-2005, 02:13 AM	#22
Vitasoy GFY HALL OF FAME DAMMIT!!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 58,202	What ever is in it... I like it __________________ [email protected]

02-14-2005, 02:39 AM	#23
Sweet Smile Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 455	nyah! lot of my friends really love their burger, hope there's no bad thing might happen to them __________________ ICQ: 306-812-749

02-14-2005, 02:41 AM	#24
smack Push Porn Like Weight. Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Inside .NET Posts: 10,652	if this surprises anyone, please shoot yourself now. __________________ Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.

02-14-2005, 02:47 AM	#25
Drake Hello world! Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 12,508	brain does a body good

02-14-2005, 03:12 AM	#26
Project-Shadow Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 7,340	I wonder how many of the above comments actually bothered to read the article. You un-American Commie-terrorist!

02-14-2005, 04:32 AM	#28
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02-14-2005, 05:36 AM	#29
groark So Fucking Banned Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Germany Posts: 1,966	You have proov for that?

02-14-2005, 05:51 AM	#31
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02-14-2005, 05:51 AM	#32
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02-14-2005, 06:15 AM	#33
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