Things you should know when at the Bar - GoFuckYourself.com

Loryn · 01-11-2005, 06:37 PM

I thought you guys would enjoy these!!! I sure did!!!

Have a great night and support your local bartenders!!!

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar, preferably during happy hour.
2. Always toast before doing a shot.
3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
4. Change your toast at least once a month.
5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.
9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.
10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.
11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I'm going to get drunk. I hate shots. It's coming back up.
12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.
14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.
18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.
19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.
20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.
21. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing. I.E. urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.
22. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.
23. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.
24. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.
26. If there is a D.J. you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.
27. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
28. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.
29. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.
30. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.
31. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.
32. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.
33. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.
34. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.
35. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.
36. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her "baby" or "darling".
37. Men don't drink from straws unless you're doing a Mind Eraser.
38. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
39. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.
40. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, "I'm an idiot".
41. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.

42. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
43. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.
44. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand, if they even notice.
45. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they're sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.
46. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.
47. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
48. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.
49. When you're in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he's buying.
50. If you are 86'd, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.
51. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.
52. If you're going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It's the no-tell liquor.
53. There's nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you're supposed to be at work.
54. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
55. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there's something in it.
56. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.
57. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.

TurboAngel · 01-11-2005, 06:38 PM

There's some good one's.

BuckLover · 01-11-2005, 06:39 PM

Nice list!

WiredGuy · 01-11-2005, 06:40 PM

LOL, I know a few of these have applied to me in Vegas. Probably to you too, like the requesting songs bit

Art Del Gado · 01-11-2005, 06:44 PM

hahaha thats a nice check list...

Thechad · 01-11-2005, 06:47 PM

That is a great list

RRRED · 01-11-2005, 06:50 PM

49. When you're in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he's buying.

crowkid · 01-11-2005, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loryn-Adult.com

I thought you guys would enjoy these!!! I sure did!!!

Have a great night and support your local bartenders!!!

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar, preferably during happy hour.
2. Always toast before doing a shot.
3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
4. Change your toast at least once a month.
5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.
9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.
10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.
11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I'm going to get drunk. I hate shots. It's coming back up.
12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.
14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.
18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.
19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.
20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.
21. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing. I.E. urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.
22. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.
23. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.
24. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.
26. If there is a D.J. you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.
27. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
28. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.
29. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.
30. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.
31. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.
32. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.
33. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.
34. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.
35. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.
36. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her "baby" or "darling".
37. Men don't drink from straws unless you're doing a Mind Eraser.
38. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
39. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.
40. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, "I'm an idiot".
41. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.

42. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
43. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.
44. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand, if they even notice.
45. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they're sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.
46. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.
47. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
48. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.
49. When you're in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he's buying.
50. If you are 86'd, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.
51. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.
52. If you're going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It's the no-tell liquor.
53. There's nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you're supposed to be at work.
54. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
55. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there's something in it.
56. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.
57. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.

Loryn I <3 you... Where were you in Vegas when I needed you

p.s. I loves your boobies

I Like Chocolate · 01-11-2005, 06:53 PM

good list, i printed it out

sickkittens · 01-11-2005, 06:55 PM

Alcohol is evil.

SetTheWorldonFire · 01-11-2005, 06:59 PM

Loryn · 01-11-2005, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crowkid

Loryn I <3 you... Where were you in Vegas when I needed you

p.s. I loves your boobies

Oh Baby I would have loved to be there for ya!!!

SplitInfinity · 01-11-2005, 07:03 PM

Hi Loryn!

We met at the bar... you met me and my wife.... Hows things going?
Nice to have met you.

sherie · 01-11-2005, 07:04 PM

"Things you should know when at the bar"

You are being watched...thanks for the show!! LMFAO!!

dasexi1 · 01-11-2005, 07:05 PM

good shit

Jer · 01-11-2005, 07:05 PM

I've read all the rules but I don't drink.

jt420 · 01-11-2005, 07:10 PM

ill be trying to remember these rules next time i go out. cool list!

Loryn · 01-11-2005, 07:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SplitInfinity

Hi Loryn!

We met at the bar... you met me and my wife.... Hows things going?
Nice to have met you.

Oh that narrows it down!!!

I am teasing hehe Everything is wonderful, it was very nice to meet you both!!! Hopefully next time we can spend some more time playing at the bar!!!

pxxx · 01-11-2005, 07:22 PM

All you have to know is to mind your own business.

nofx · 01-11-2005, 07:22 PM

hehehe most of those are true ;)

Head · 01-11-2005, 07:25 PM

SmutGiant · 01-11-2005, 07:41 PM

haha great list Loryn!

King Adam · 01-11-2005, 07:42 PM

Its nice to get some good posts around here. Thanks for the laughs.

Drake · 01-11-2005, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loryn-Adult.com

42. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

Not if the other guys name is Bubba

Nice pointers

RRRED · 01-11-2005, 07:57 PM

Psst sherie... Trying to find you on my icq list... Can you hit me up? Whenever... tomorrow is ok. I gotta fix up something for you and George

myjah · 01-11-2005, 07:59 PM

33. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

I love this! This is now my new motto.

Shoehorn! · 01-11-2005, 08:08 PM

HAHAHA, Nice list.

Pornwolf · 01-11-2005, 08:11 PM

All of them are very true.

Kard63 · 01-11-2005, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loryn-Adult.com

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

A frozen strawbery margarita falls into this category

It was lunch at a restaurant.... I was spotted.

Loryn · 01-11-2005, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pxxx

All you have to know is to mind your own business.

If I did that I would never have fun at the bar!!!

AlexisWeb · 01-11-2005, 08:16 PM

Quote:

47. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.

lol this one is so true!

wes · 01-11-2005, 08:28 PM

haha good stuff

H.I.G · 01-11-2005, 08:44 PM

Nice list Loryn

JimmiDean · 01-11-2005, 08:44 PM

I learn something every day

01-11-2005, 06:37 PM	#1
Loryn Super Connector Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 12,853	Things you should know when at the Bar I thought you guys would enjoy these!!! I sure did!!! Have a great night and support your local bartenders!!! 1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar, preferably during happy hour. 2. Always toast before doing a shot. 3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast. 4. Change your toast at least once a month. 5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake. 6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb. 7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night. 8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails. 9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile. 10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink. 11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I'm going to get drunk. I hate shots. It's coming back up. 12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong. 13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message. 14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you. 15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you. 16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you. 17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference. 18. Always have a corkscrew in your house. 19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen. 20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks. 21. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing. I.E. urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands. 22. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not. 23. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence. 24. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people. 26. If there is a D.J. you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again. 27. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store. 28. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink. 29. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one. 30. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25. 31. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor. 32. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge. 33. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it. 34. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking. 35. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it. 36. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her "baby" or "darling". 37. Men don't drink from straws unless you're doing a Mind Eraser. 38. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English. 39. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block. 40. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, "I'm an idiot". 41. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar. 42. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours. 43. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers. 44. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand, if they even notice. 45. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they're sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass. 46. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink. 47. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious. 48. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar. 49. When you're in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he's buying. 50. If you are 86'd, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you. 51. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way. 52. If you're going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It's the no-tell liquor. 53. There's nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you're supposed to be at work. 54. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call. 55. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there's something in it. 56. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss. 57. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink. __________________ ~ loryn@loryntaylor . com ~ RIP TD

01-11-2005, 06:40 PM	#4
WiredGuy Pounding Googlebot Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 34,482	LOL, I know a few of these have applied to me in Vegas. Probably to you too, like the requesting songs bit __________________ I play with Google.

01-11-2005, 06:44 PM	#5
Art Del Gado Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 960	hahaha thats a nice check list... __________________ Art Del Gado ICQ: 616143

01-11-2005, 06:47 PM	#6
Thechad Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Des Moines Posts: 579	That is a great list __________________ I don't deserve a signature

01-11-2005, 06:55 PM	#10
sickkittens I am a meat popsicle. Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 25,100	Alcohol is evil. __________________ HIGHEST PAYOUTS FOR NO-CONSOLE TOURS IN THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY! THIS SIG CAN BE YOURS FOR $200 - ICQ: 78881543

01-11-2005, 06:38 PM	#2
TurboAngel H.B.I.C. Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: NC Posts: 30,122	There's some good one's.

01-11-2005, 06:39 PM	#3
BuckLover Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: I'm everywhere Bitches!! Posts: 1,656	Nice list!

01-11-2005, 06:50 PM	#7
RRRED Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: WA Posts: 6,754	49. When you're in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he's buying.

01-11-2005, 06:53 PM	#9
I Like Chocolate Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 821	good list, i printed it out

01-11-2005, 06:59 PM	#11
SetTheWorldonFire Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: California Posts: 7,444	__________________ www.STWOFDesign.com hit me up on icq 154206276 or Skype: JaimeGizzle

01-11-2005, 07:03 PM	#13
SplitInfinity Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 3,047	Hi Loryn! We met at the bar... you met me and my wife.... Hows things going? Nice to have met you.

01-11-2005, 07:04 PM	#14
sherie Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 7,020	"Things you should know when at the bar" You are being watched...thanks for the show!! LMFAO!! __________________ AIM sherierocks ICQ 127-296-286 Skype traffichor

01-11-2005, 07:05 PM	#15
dasexi1 Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: if i told you, then THEY'D know Posts: 934	good shit

01-11-2005, 07:05 PM	#16
Jer God is Brazilian Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Brazil Posts: 10,601	I've read all the rules but I don't drink.

01-11-2005, 07:10 PM	#17
jt420 Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: in the foothills of the mind. ICQ: 279561428 Posts: 2,479	ill be trying to remember these rules next time i go out. cool list! __________________ I made my fortune selling pubic wigs! New program Merkin Money coming soon!

01-11-2005, 07:22 PM	#19
pxxx First African GFY Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,114	All you have to know is to mind your own business.

01-11-2005, 07:22 PM	#20
nofx Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Virgin Mary's womb Posts: 16,826	hehehe most of those are true ;) __________________ Often times I wonder why There's love and hate, theres live or die. When sickness comes I must decide: When feelings go, theres suicide.

01-11-2005, 07:25 PM	#21
Head Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Starship Enterprise Posts: 8,278	__________________

01-11-2005, 07:41 PM	#22
SmutGiant Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 4,895	haha great list Loryn!

01-11-2005, 07:42 PM	#23
King Adam Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Valley of the Sun Posts: 5,408	Its nice to get some good posts around here. Thanks for the laughs. __________________ TWISTYSCASH.com - Proven to be One of the BEST Adult Programs Around Promote These Sites : Twistys ~ Busty Ones ~ Nicole Graves ICQ : 9 6 4 4 0 2 2 1

01-11-2005, 07:57 PM	#25
RRRED Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: WA Posts: 6,754	Psst sherie... Trying to find you on my icq list... Can you hit me up? Whenever... tomorrow is ok. I gotta fix up something for you and George

01-11-2005, 07:59 PM	#26
myjah Back in the harbor Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 11,482	33. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it. I love this! This is now my new motto. __________________ VP of Marketing AVN Media Network Skype: AVNJill [email protected]

01-11-2005, 08:08 PM	#27
Shoehorn! Die With Your Boots On Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Hawaii Posts: 22,872	HAHAHA, Nice list. __________________

01-11-2005, 08:11 PM	#28
Pornwolf Drunk and Unruly Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Hollywood Posts: 22,712	All of them are very true. __________________ I've trusted my sites to them for over a decade... Webair, bitches.

01-11-2005, 08:28 PM	#32
wes Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Vegas/Pacific Palasades Posts: 3,150	haha good stuff __________________ Hot Mom Blog : Tempting Teens : Spicy Tacos : Smutx Free Porn

01-11-2005, 08:44 PM	#33
H.I.G Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Crazy California Posts: 926	Nice list Loryn

01-11-2005, 08:44 PM	#34
JimmiDean Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Margarittaville Posts: 3,433	I learn something every day __________________ My God there's Porn on here! Still on the Beach !!!