New from the USPS! - GoFuckYourself.com

sharpx9 · 01-06-2005, 07:02 PM

POST OFFICE TO ISSUE XXX STAMPS TO HONOR PORN STARS

By MARK TOMPKINS

According to U.S. post office insider Rodney Cockburn, the U.S. Postal Service will soon issue a series of stamps honoring legends of porn!

"It's a matter of economic survival," says Cockburn, 48. "Ever since people started using e-mail and sending packages through UPS and FedEx, our profits have been going steadily down the tubes. If the post office is going to stay in business, we need to generate some big money pronto, and unfortunately, stamps with scientists and jazz musicians just ain't cutting it."

The series, called "Pioneers of Porn," will commemorate two dozen adult-film actors and actresses from decades past, including John Holmes, Linda Lovelace, Marilyn Chambers, and Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy.

Each porn star will be depicted in a graphic pose from one of his or her movies.

As part of his marketing campaign, Cockburn, who confesses to having seen "only around three or four hundred" adult movies in his life, says he may hire contemporary porn stars to sign autographs at numerous post offices nationwide. "Live sex shows are another promotional tool we're exploring," he states.

aceman · 01-06-2005, 07:08 PM

.

candyflip · 01-06-2005, 07:09 PM

Was this on the Onion?

LiveDose · 01-06-2005, 07:13 PM

The name COCKburn may be the first clue in this riddle...

SmokeyTheBear · 01-06-2005, 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by candyflip

Was this on the Onion?

i'm sure you have heard this many times , but your sig makes the tables all wonky. When you change sigs go for a thicker one, not so long.

candyflip · 01-06-2005, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SmokeyTheBear

i'm sure you have heard this many times , but your sig makes the tables all wonky. When you change sigs go for a thicker one, not so long.

Everyone complains about the blinking, but I'll take that into consideration when I work on a new version tomorrow.

Looks fine on mine, but that's probably because of my resolution settings.

sharpx9 · 01-06-2005, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by candyflip

Everyone complains about the blinking, but I'll take that into consideration when I work on a new version tomorrow.

Looks fine on mine, but that's probably because of my resolution settings.

it definently gets attention. mine doesn't get any below yours :D

fl_prn_str · 01-06-2005, 08:45 PM

attention inside....you on the computer..........but down the bong.

sharpx9 · 01-06-2005, 10:22 PM

Rofl wtf

01-06-2005, 07:02 PM	#1
sharpx9 Registered User Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Clearwater, FL Posts: 2,085	New from the USPS! POST OFFICE TO ISSUE XXX STAMPS TO HONOR PORN STARS By MARK TOMPKINS According to U.S. post office insider Rodney Cockburn, the U.S. Postal Service will soon issue a series of stamps honoring legends of porn! "It's a matter of economic survival," says Cockburn, 48. "Ever since people started using e-mail and sending packages through UPS and FedEx, our profits have been going steadily down the tubes. If the post office is going to stay in business, we need to generate some big money pronto, and unfortunately, stamps with scientists and jazz musicians just ain't cutting it." The series, called "Pioneers of Porn," will commemorate two dozen adult-film actors and actresses from decades past, including John Holmes, Linda Lovelace, Marilyn Chambers, and Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy. Each porn star will be depicted in a graphic pose from one of his or her movies. As part of his marketing campaign, Cockburn, who confesses to having seen "only around three or four hundred" adult movies in his life, says he may hire contemporary porn stars to sign autographs at numerous post offices nationwide. "Live sex shows are another promotional tool we're exploring," he states.

01-06-2005, 07:09 PM	#3
candyflip Carpe Visio Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: New York Posts: 43,064	Was this on the Onion? __________________ Spend you some brain. Email Me

01-06-2005, 07:08 PM	#2
aceman Registered User Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 96	.

01-06-2005, 07:13 PM	#4
LiveDose Show Yer Tits! Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Somewhere Out there... Posts: 25,792	The name COCKburn may be the first clue in this riddle...

01-06-2005, 08:45 PM	#8
fl_prn_str Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Tampa, FL Posts: 5,736	attention inside....you on the computer..........but down the bong.

01-06-2005, 10:22 PM	#9
sharpx9 Registered User Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Clearwater, FL Posts: 2,085	Rofl wtf