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Discuss what's fucking going on, and which programs are best and worst. One-time "program" announcements from "established" webmasters are allowed. |
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#1 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Between your mamma's legs
Posts: 4,753
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How to shit like a man ...
HOW TO SHIT LIKE A MAN:
Select reading material. Tell everyone along the way, "Just going for a dump, okay?" Always tell girlfriend/wife, especially when she has visitors. Pull pants and trousers around ankles, then sit down. Adjust penis and testicles to hang comfortably without touching the toilet rim. Open reading material and relax. Whilst waiting, it is traditional to audibly fart. Sigh loudly as the first one bullets out. It is quite normal to experience a cold jet of water rocket up your anus as a result of the first bomb. This is to be endured if you want to be a real man. Remain sitting and reading until pins-and-needles set in to your legs and buttocks. Rise and look at the crap. Make mental notes of irregularities to report to friends and girlfriend/wife, e.g. color, consistency, any visible traces of peanuts etc. You must tell people about it. Take long length of paper and wipe anus. You must look at the paper before throwing it into the bowl. Repeat step 10 until there is no longer any evidence of faeces on the paper. Flush. If there is any residue left on the bowl, under no circumstances attempt to clean it off. In due course, it will come away by itself. Or, when your irlfriend/wife next uses the toilet. Leave the seat up. Leave the reading material on the floor (you can use it again later). Wash your hands once. Vacate the bathroom, leaving the door open. It is important to a man's self-esteem that other people smell his produce. HOW TO SHIT LIKE A WOMAN: Under no circumstances use any other toilet than your own, regardless of any stomach pain that may be caused whilst waiting to get home. With the toilet-brush, clean any residue left on the bowl by your boyfriend/husband. Also wipe his pubic hair off the seat with some toilet paper. Flush the toilet before starting. Then wash your hands. Line the toilet seat with toilet paper (as other people may have sat on the toilet since it was last bleached). Stuff toilet paper inside the bowl to prevent splash-back. Pull panties down and sit. Some women may still prefer to squat over the seat as opposed to taking the risk of touching it with bare flesh. Release solids, but strain to avoid making any sounds. Rise and quickly flush before direct eye-contact is made with any feces. Take a length of toilet paper and fold it several times to positively guarantee that no residue will touch bare skin (about five or six applications per roll). Wipe once and throw paper into the bowl. Do not look at the paper. Repeat steps 9 and 10 at least thirty times. It may be necessary to yell for your boyfriend/husband to find some more rolls to pass through the door while promising not to open his eyes or pass any comments. It is traditional to do this while he is trying to watch sports. Flush the toilet and replace the lid. Wash hands at least three times with disinfectant soap. Open all windows and spray approximately half-a-can of air freshener. Pick up all reading material left behind by your boyfriend/husband and leave bathroom, closing the door firmly behind you. ------------------ ![]() Airforce come and dey flatten your home !!! The Black Sheep of the Boneprone Family I like to rub HERTURN on my nipples ![]() |
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#2 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Still lost
Posts: 5,112
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Ill print this out and read it on the can!
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#3 | |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Between your mamma's legs
Posts: 4,753
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Quote:
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#4 |
God is Brazilian
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Brazil
Posts: 10,601
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Hahaha... so true
![]() ------------------ $40 per trial signup * $35 per privacy protection software sell |
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#5 |
Confirmed User
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Finland
Posts: 1,216
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good one.
.:h0st |
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#6 |
No Refunds Issued.
Industry Role:
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: GFY
Posts: 28,300
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HA Ha ! where you got it ? I once found how to take a shower like Man/Woman on TheHun.net - damn funny too.
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#7 |
No Refunds Issued.
Industry Role:
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: GFY
Posts: 28,300
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Ah, there you go:
How to Shower HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk into bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror. Make mental note...Must do more sit-ups. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. Wash your hair with Cucumber Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner, enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes, until red. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. You must make sure that it has all come off. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area, but decide to get it waxed instead. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Tweeze hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your husband along the way, cover any exposed areas, then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed. HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed. Leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her, making the "woo-woo" sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (No) Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass. Get in shower. Don't bother to look for a washcloth...You don't use one. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off. Crack up at how loud your farts sound in the shower. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar. Shampoo your hair. Do not use conditioner. Make a shampoo Mohawk. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again. Pee (in the shower). Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time. Partially dry off. Look at yourself in the mirror. Flex muscles. Admire the wiener size again. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. Leave bathroom fan and light on. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed. |
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#8 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Between your mamma's legs
Posts: 4,753
|
Bwahahahaha
Priceless !! ![]() (Shaking my wiener at Gaby and Tam going "Woo-hoo !!!) ![]() ------------------ ![]() Airforce come and dey flatten your home !!! The Black Sheep of the Boneprone Family I like to rub HERTURN on my nipples ![]() |
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#9 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,037
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ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!
![]() ![]() ![]() You guys are awesome! ok back to work, lol ------------------ Finally You can Promote the Infamous Strippers.com http://www.strippers.com/webmasters Even Gary likes it! =) |
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#10 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: The pay phone outside the 7-11
Posts: 357
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There's something obscene we all have to do,
It's brown, it stinks, and it goes in the loo. It's considered by some a taboo word, But talk of a turd is often heard. Some people say the whole subject is foul, Others take pride in the fruit of their bowel. You know when to go by the weight of your butt, Or the violent smells that erupt from your gut. You perch on the bog, arms on your lap, Browsing through comics, doing a crap. It's bracingly cold the moment you sit, Your bumcheeks poised above a porcelain pit. Your sphincter recoils for the turd to emerge, Your stomach primed for the excretory surge. One final heave and out it will come, Your asshole pouts as it exits your bum. Before you flush or wipe your behind, Look down below to see what you find. Sometimes a nugget, sometimes a log, Sometimes it's so big it blocks up the bog. Sometimes it floats, sometimes it hides, Sometimes it's so fast it don't touch the sides, Sometimes you get one that strikes you with fear, It's hot, it's sloppy and it's called diarrhoea. It's a volatile turd that you cannot ignore, It strikes unannounced and leaves your hole raw. It floods from your tum when your arsecheeks part, So take extra care when you force out that fart. As soon as you're done give your butthole a wipe, Just be sure when you flush that it goes down the pipe. It isn't too nice when you look down the sump, To see a sinister, turbid, liquefied dump. ------------------ GiggleBerries.com TGP Russian TGP Submitter |
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#11 |
Confirmed User
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Between your mamma's legs
Posts: 4,753
|
Didn't Dr. Suess write that ???
I think my son has that book ![]() ------------------ ![]() Airforce come and dey flatten your home !!! The Black Sheep of the Boneprone Family I like to rub HERTURN on my nipples ![]() |
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