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Let's boost postcount :p
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Don't Leave 'Em Hanging
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out. When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself right after you saved him with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?" |
Sex and Bridge
Q. How is sex like bridge? A.If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand! |
Yo Mama's So Fat... Jumped
Yo' mama is so fat she jumped up and when she came down she knocked the earth out of orbit!!! |
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Yo Mama vs. Godzilla
Yo mama's so fat she makes Godzilla look like an action figure. |
Who does this remind you of?
http://movies.easy-dater.com/galleries/01/301/11.mpg :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh |
PMS
Q: Why do they call PMS PMS? A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken! |
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Good Girl...Bad Girl
What is the difference between a GOOD and a BAD girl? A GOOD girl goes to a party, goes home then goes to bed. A BAD girl goes to a party, goes to bed then goes home. |
Professor of Logic
A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard, so he decides to get acquainted. After introductions, he asks the new neighbor what he does for a living. The new neighbor says, "I'm a professor." The first neigbhbor then asks, "Oh yeah, what do you teach?" "Logic," the professor reponds. "What is that?" the neighbor inquires. "Well, let me see if I can give you an example...you have a dog, right?" "Yeah, that's right," neighbor #1 responds. "And you have children too, right?" says the professor. "Wow, right again!" exclaims the neighbor. "So, then you must be married and that would make you a heterosexual, right?'' proclaims the professor. "Unbelievable, you're absolutely correct. How do you know all this about me?" "Well," the professor says, "I observed there was a dog house in your backyard, so you must have a dog. I also saw bicycles next to your garage, so you must have children. And if you have children, you are probably married and if your married, you are most likely heterosexual... it was all logical!" The next afternoon, the neighbor runs into his old friend. His friend asks if he has met the new neighbor. The man says that he met him yesterday. "What's he like?" "Well," the man says, "he's nice and he is a professor of logic." "Oh," says the friend, "what's logic?" "Maybe I can give you an example. Do you have a dog house?" "Why, no, I do not," responds the friend. "Well, then," proclaims the man, "you must be gay!" |
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lol
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The Best Pub
A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman were sitting in a pub discussing the best pubs around. The Englishman says, ''There's a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every that you buy.'' The Scot is not impressed and says, ''That's nothing! In the Highlands every time you buy a drink the landlord buys you five.'' At this point the Englishman is fairly impressed. The Irishman, totally unimpressed, says ''That's nothing. In Dublin there's this pub where the landlord buys your drinks all night, and then when the bar shuts he takes you into a room and makes love to you.'' The Scot and Englishman are well impressed and ask if the Irishman goes there a lot. He replies ''No, but my sister told me about it.'' |
Yo Family Is So Poor...
Yo family is so poor that when I went inside your house I accidentally stepped on a roach and your whole family came out singing, "Clap your hands, stomp your feet, thank the Lord that we got meat!" |
Yo Mama's So Fat.. Sits Around
Yo' mama so fat, that when she sits around the house, she really sits around the house! |
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Bacon in My Ear
A guy walks into a doctor''s office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle coming out of his nose, and bacon coming out of his other ear. He says worriedly, "Doc, what''s wrong with me?!?" The doctor replies, "You''re not eating properly." |
Yo momma's so nasty, she went to a hair salon and told the stylist to cut her hair, then she opened up her blouse!!
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Donkey and Onion
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes! |
Two sausages were frying in a pan
Two sausages were frying in a frying pan. One says to the other, "Damn, it's hot in here" The other said, "Oh my God! A talking sausage!" |
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How To Sell Lawnmowers
A young man just got a new job running the register at a store. The old-timer said he would teach him how to sell things. "Watch how I do it" he said to the new hire as a man came up to the counter. The customer put a bag of grass seed on the counter. The old-timer then said to him "You know when you plant those seeds and the grass starts growing you're going to need a new lawnmower to cut that grass." "You know," said the man, "I do need to get a new mower, sure I'll take one." After the customer left, the new kid said, "I think I see what you mean. Let me handle this next one." A man then stepped up to the counter and set down a box of tampons. The young salesman then said, "You know you should get you a new lawnmower to go with that." The man then asked the young salesman, "What are you talking about?" "Well," he said, "It looks like your weekend's shot so you might as well cut the grass!" |
Old People And Nastiness
A very old couple wanted to have children, so they went to their doctor and told him their problem. The doctor gave the couple a tiny jar and told them to fill it up. About a week later, the couple came back. "I tried with my right hand until it gave out, and I tried with my left hand until it gave out," said the man. "And I tried with both hands until they gave out," said the woman. "And we still can't get the lid off the jar." |
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Irish Fun
Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned? They were riverdancing. |
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Sex vs. Computers
What is the difference between sex and computers? With computers, the software goes into the hardware. With sex, the hardware goes into the software |
dre.. you are going a little overboard.. :(
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My Favorite Grade School Joke
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck! |
Yo momma's so stupid, she got shot running the border after seeing a Taco Bell commercial.
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Yo momma's so big, her belly button's got an echo. :1orglaugh
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Yo momma's chest hair is so long, its growing all the way down to her dick.
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