3680 :thumbsup

:thumbsup :thumbsup

:GFYBand :drinkup

Ok time to use jokes.com database and bump the hell otu of this thread

Ok, as you wish:

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it."

The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"

"No. I couldnt get on the bed

There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"

They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother

There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.

The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.

It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."

My computer is like Britney Spears; cheap, white, and plastic

What do George Bush's wife and the American flag have in common?
They both go down in the name of the president

Two guys are picked up by cops for drugs and are given the oppurtunity to walk only if they convince ten other guys not to do drugs. They both agree and set off. The first male comes back and says "I got the ten guys, but it wasn't easy". The cop asks how he did it. "I drew a large circle and then a small circle and said the large circle was your brain and the small circle was your brain on drugs." The second male comes back and says "I got 42 guys to quit drugs!" The cop impressed, asks how did he do it? "Well basically the same system as the first guy but I drew the small circle first and said, "You see the small circle is your butt hole before you go to jail and the large circle is after you have been to jail."

A woman goes to see a psychiatrist. ?Doctor,? she says, ?my husband just doesn?t satisfy me sexually anymore.? ?Hmm,? replies the doctor. ?Have you considered taking a lover?? ?I did that,? she says, ?and I?m still not getting enough sex to satisfy me.? ?How about taking another lover?? ?I keep trying that. I have seven lovers plus my husband, but I still can?t seem to get enough.? ?My goodness,? says the doctor, ?you?re quite an anomaly.? ?Oh, thank God,? says the woman. ?Will you please tell them I?m an anomaly? They all keep calling me a slut.?

A guy walks into a psychologists office wearing a pair of shorts made from Saran wrap. So the psychologist says, ?Well, I can clearly see your nuts.?

A guy runs into his ex-girlfriend at a bar. ?I had sex with another woman last night,? he tells her. ?But I was thinking of you the whole time.? ?You miss me that much?? she asks. ?No,? he says. ?But it kept me from coming too fast.?

60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks.
The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?''

Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, ''I know how to make them larger!''

''How!?!?!?'' she asks.

''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.''

''Well how long does it take?'' she asks.

''They should expand over the years,'' he answers.

''How did you know that?'' she wonders.

''I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?'''

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed and again the congregation approved the increase. Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expenses. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister.
Finally, the minister stood up and shouted "Having children is an Act of God!"

An older man in the back stood and shouted back "So are rain and snow, but we wear rubbers for them!"

Adam and Eve were standing opposite to each other when Adam got his first erection. The two watched, astonished, until Adam suddenly exclaimed, ?Move aside -- I don't know how far its gonna go.?

One day God came to Adam and said, ''I've got some good news and some bad news."
''Well, give me the good news first.''

''I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have wonderful conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your new intelligent life form and populate this planet.''

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, ''These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?''

''The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time.''

pffff okie done for now

Okie last one 3700

Why did Al Gore get a nipple ring?
He heard that George Bush got a Dick Cheney.

bump :thumbsup

3702 :thumbsup

Bump

:)

3704 :thumbsup

Bump :thumbsup

fuck 3706 :thumbsup

3707 :thumbsup

3708 :thumbsup

3709 :thumbsup

3710 :thumbsup

3711 :thumbsup

:sleep

:karaoke

:glugglug

http://www.amstelbier.co.uk/img/logo_agecheck.gif :thumbsup

that's great beer.

GO STEELERS!!!!!!!!!!!

exactly :thumbsup

eh whats an steeler?