hudson

from cDc:

It came to me suddenly one night... in a Taco Bell... the festering
remains of a beef burrito sulking in my stomach... the concept for the
ULTIMATE box... yes, the

$$$$$$ MONEY-GRIP BOX $$$$$$

(transcribed from a Mexican-food induced vision by)

..oooOO Count Zero OOooo.. *cDc* -=RDT

** special thanks to Kingpin, for good karma **

Think about it. Every "box" ever invented was based pretty much on the
same premise: how to get SOMETHING for NOTHING. In other words, to RIP OFF.
Well, taking this concept to its logical conclusion, we end up with a "box"
that simply CREATES MONEY. Yes, CASH wherever you need it. Not JUST for phone
calls, but for pizza, cigs, laptops, v.fast modems, parking meter fares, YOU
NAME IT. YOU DECIDE. The box... PROVIDES.

Of course, the electronics required to build this wonder have not been
invented yet, but I will try to explain. First off, the box must of course be
green. But not just ANY color of green. It must be MONEY GREEN. Maybe even a
picture of George Washington on the back. As for buttons, there will be just
ONE. A BIG, GOLD button in the center of the box... labeled "CASH." And when
pressed, the sound of cash registers will emanate from the unit - "Ka-CHING!"

I believe the main circuit should be a rectifier... to rectify the
situation in YOUR FAVOR. Many capacitors (the green, electrolytic type) are to
be arranged in a pattern on the PCB as such:

-|C- -|C-
-|C- -|C-
-|C- -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C-
-|C- -|C- -|C-
-|C- -|C- -|C-
-|C- -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C-
-|C- -|C- -|C-
-|C- -|C- -|C-
-|C- -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C- -|C-
-|C- -|C-
-|C- -|C-

Using a typical OP-AMP, you should be able to wire these caps to allow you
to amplify your NEED for CASH. Of course, be sure the entire circuit is
properly grounded. Otherwise, hundreds of dollars could be sent RUSHING
through your body by accident.

After combining the rectifier, capacitors, OP-AMP, and proper grounding
wires, you must 'baptize' the PCB with human blood. Find a small child, take
him out to Chuck-e-Cheeze, and when he's not looking, drain a few pints. Pour
the blood over the entire circuit. Take his lunch money while you're at it.

Next, you need an IC... but not just ANY IC... you need a chip of the
future... a FHSIC chip (Fucking Huge Scale Integrated Circuit). I can't tell
you exactly the specs on this baby, since my vision was interrupted at this
point by a hearty black-olive-flavored belch, thereby jerking me out of my
divine insight. I'll get back to you all on this one.

Once you get the FHSIC, just slap it in the box on top of the PCB. It's
an INTELLIGENT chip, so ya don't have to worry about pinouts and all that crap.
t'll know how to connect itself.

As for POWER SUPPLY, there's an ironic twist here. Note the following
equations:

Time = Money
Money = Power

Ergo, Time = Power!

(Note: all units are metric)

Since MONEY is POWER, and TIME is MONEY, well, the box will drain power
from the TIME CONTINUUM itself... and the translation of that TIME into MONEY
will be seamless. Equations don't lie.

Add the solid gold button (SPST switch) and a speaker (for the
"Ka-CHING"). Close the box, and secure it all with generous portions of CLEAR
EPOXY. Use GOBS.

NOW.the fun part... go to a payphone... place a direct call to Guam. When
the operator asks for money; close your eyes, push the gold button and chant,
"Mo' money, MO' MONEY, Mo' money". Concentrate on your NEED for $$ (coupling
to the OP-AMP circuit) and you will suddenly hear the "Ka-CHING" and smell
burning flesh.

Hovering six inches in front of your face should now be EXACTLY the amount
of $$ you need (in the proper denominations, of course) to complete your call.

Do this same procedure in ALL circumstances where you need money. Just be
sure to be out of sight (the appearance of floating cash tends to freak out
ordinary people). The box will ALWAYS generate EXACTLY the amount you need.
If you happen to get MORE money than you THINK you need, you were WRONG. The
box, since it gets its power from TIME, can predict the future to an extent...
and may generate $$ that you will need in the NEAR FUTURE *as well* as the $$
you need immediately. Do not be afraid. The box knows!

That's about it. Future plans for foreign currency are bouncing in my
head:
Germany - "Der MoneyGrip Box"
France - "Le MoneyGrip Box"

And so on....

Now, BUILD IT... and bask in your glory. Ta-dah.

..oooOO Count Zero OOooo.. *cDc* -=RDT

-EOF