I just wanna be happy.... - GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum

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SteveLightspeed

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#1

I just wanna be happy....

08-09-2001, 09:45 PM

I just wanna be happy in life... I think I'll move to Maui and sell coconuts to dumb tourists for $29.95...

But then I realize...

My coconut business will grow, and I'll have to hire more coconut pickers to keep up with the coconut demand... then I'll have to hire a coconut marketing guy to help sell all the extra coconuts, and then he'll bring in too much coconut business, so I'll have to get extra coconut affiliates to help me distribute all the coconuts... we'd have to launch a payout program called COCONUTCASH... maybe give away a car or something for every 200 coconut affiliates....

Pretty soon I'll be going to coconut conventions, hoping to hook up with some other cool coconut vendors... then I'll want to host the coconut parties at the coconut conventions... and I'll need even more coconut pushing people to help with that....

Then I'll find out that a bigger coconut company is using my best looking coconut to promote their own shitty coconut marketing biz.... They'll offer to send people over to buy my coconuts, but only if I give them 35 dollars for every $4.95 coconut sampler sale...

Our coconuts will be so popular that everyone will want to buy wholesale coconuts, and for that we'll have to start COCONUT CONTENT... and then start monitoring for unlicensed use of our coconuts...

I'll end up spending all my time checking my coconut stats, and looking for ways to automate the whole cococut picking and distribution process, and complaining about goddamn tourists who only want free friggin' coconuts...

Fuck it... I'll never be happy...

Lightspeed

[This message has been edited by Lightspeed (edited 08-10-2001).]

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Exxxotica

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#2

08-09-2001, 09:48 PM

Too funny man!

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note: I do not work for Blackseven... Im just grateful for their kick ass hosting...so quit bothering them when I hurt your feelings... pussy
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SteveLightspeed

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#3

08-09-2001, 10:00 PM

Oh yeah, I almost forgot -- just writing "Maui" on the side of the coconuts won't sell them fast enough, so I'll have to hire a 6'9" graphics guy to moonlight some hip "Maui coconut" graphics for me, and maybe a short red-haired dirty-minded coconut writer to spice up our dull coconut ads... then i'll be telling everyone about it all on a cool coconut message board... i could go on, but i'm out of weed...

Maybe I'll move to Thailand and sell bananas instead....

------------------
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Phil21

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#4

08-09-2001, 10:04 PM

I think he just did a photoshoot and all the testosterone is going to his head..

Lightspeed, go get some nookie from the wife. It's what you pay her for afterall.

-Phil

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Mango

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#5

08-09-2001, 10:08 PM

Could you please be silent while I announce Coconut2 ?

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#6

08-09-2001, 10:43 PM

Sure you haven't been drinking any Kahlua bro?

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Bake

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#7

08-09-2001, 10:58 PM

HHHmmmm I seen to be selling allot of coconuts just lately.

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TheFLY

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#8

08-10-2001, 01:13 AM

Hmmm...

you know

you could poke a hole in the coconut and poke-a-nut...

or

you could ship a coconut to me and I could co-lo-conut...

ehehe... damn.

Hey I just found out that that the $300 tax break is coming out of our taxes next year -- so we all owe an extra $300 more now for 2001 -- cool eh? They call it the "re-bate and switch" technique.

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pimplink

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#9

08-10-2001, 01:19 AM

Heheheh funny version of the "fisherman" chain letter.

Originally posted by Lightspeed:
I just wanna be happy in life... I think I'll move to Maui and sell coconuts to dumb tourists for $29.95...

But then I realize...

My coconut business will grow, and I'll have to hire more coconut pickers to keep up with the coconut demand... then I'll have to hire a coconut marketing guy to help sell all the extra coconuts, and then he'll bring in too much coconut business, so I'll have to get extra coconut affiliates to help me distribute all the coconuts...

Pretty soon I'll be going to coconut conventions, hoping to hook up with some other cool coconut vendors... then I'll want to host the coconut parties at the coconut conventions... and I'll need even more coconut pushing people to help with that....

Then I'll find out that a bigger coconut company is using my best looking coconut to promote their own shitty coconut marketing biz.... They'll offer to send people over to buy my coconuts, but only if I give them 35 dollars for every $4.95 coconut sampler sale...

I'll end up spending all my time checking my coconut stats, and looking for ways to automate the whole cococut picking and distribution process, and complaining about goddamn tourists who only want free friggin' coconuts...

Fuck it... I'll never be happy...

Lightspeed

[This message has been edited by Lightspeed (edited 08-10-2001).]

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Rocky

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#10

08-10-2001, 01:28 AM

oh what a lovely bunch of coconuts

and then those voices returned, "dude over here, pakalolo, BUDS, elephant ear, maui wowie"

the funny part of all this is that i had a friend in Hawaii that did just that, sold painted coconuts to tourists

but her specialty was miniature paintings on finger or toe nails

she got high one evening with that guy who starred on Grizzly Adams and painted grizzly bears on his big toe and mistletoe on the other toes (it was x-mas)

but then again, i could be a pathological liar

Are you down with Sin?
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phogirl69

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#11

08-10-2001, 02:56 AM

Lightspeed,

Did you ever meet your nighbour yet, the one that signed up for your affiliate program, or scared them and asked to borrow their internet service while they were making porn? That was pretty funny
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SteveLightspeed

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#12

08-10-2001, 08:11 AM

Originally posted by phogirl69:

Lightspeed,

Did you ever meet your nighbour yet, the one that signed up for your affiliate program, or scared them...

Not yet, I'm waiting to see how much traffic she sends before I mess with her...

LS

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Call Me Jim

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#13

08-10-2001, 08:12 AM

Great idea man.

I wonder what the convertion ratios of those coconuts would be...

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ElvisManson

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#14

08-10-2001, 08:16 AM

Hey Steve,

Can I just grab some coconuts from you?

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SteveLightspeed

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#15

08-10-2001, 08:17 AM

Originally posted by Call Me Jim:
Great idea man.

I wonder what the convertion ratios of those coconuts would be...

It would probably be better if I stopped calling them "Lightspeed's Maui Coconuts" and changed it to "Drunk Slut Coconuts" or something like that....

LS

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SteveLightspeed

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#16

08-10-2001, 08:26 AM

Originally posted by ElvisManson:
Hey Steve,

Can I just grab some coconuts from you?

Even if you don't, some newbie coconut marketer will get mixed up and accuse you of borrowing our coconuts. Best to stick with your SPACE COCONUTS..."

[This message has been edited by Lightspeed (edited 08-10-2001).]

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fantasyc

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#17

08-10-2001, 08:34 AM

hehehe That is so fucking true...

You are so ambitious... that's very sexy

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Xanobyte

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#18

08-10-2001, 09:02 AM

Anyone know where I can score some fresh hot coconut content for my new "Barely Picked Coconuts"?

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SteveLightspeed

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#19

08-10-2001, 09:09 AM

I think barely picked coconuts are good, but I've heard granny, fatty, and tranny cocounuts are selling like mad... Of course, I don't have the stomach to pick those coconuts...

LS

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Xanobyte

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#20

08-10-2001, 09:22 AM

We've got plenty of grass huts for you all to sell your coconuts from, with a redundant shack across town. 8 feet of table space, and only $2.00 per pound per month!

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SteveLightspeed

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#21

08-10-2001, 10:28 AM

Its so hard to find good coconut models, they all seem to be into pineapples these days..

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SixNine

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#22

08-10-2001, 02:06 PM

Kewl...
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SteveLightspeed

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#23

02-16-2002, 01:53 PM

calling up and old fav

the origin of www.coconutcontent.com

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#24

02-16-2002, 02:02 PM

what's funny is that just proves that our business model can work with just about any product or service, just variablize the widgets =-)

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jimmy3way

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#25

02-16-2002, 02:02 PM

So wait....this has nothing to do with the fact that everytime I hang with the LS crew and someone spots a girl with nice tits Lightspeed himself goes all cross eyed and shouts 'Nice coconuts!"

Damn I had this all wrong from the start.

One thing, I forgot this last detail: the Biz Markie will always prevail.
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Amputate Your Head

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#26

10-24-2002, 05:29 PM

oh the irony....

SIG TOO BIG
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SteveLightspeed

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#27

12-13-2003, 01:38 PM

Since we're calling up old favorites today....

When I wrote this, i didn't realize how true it would all really become!

Steve Lightspeed

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WiredGuy

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#28

12-13-2003, 02:06 PM

Originally posted by Lightspeed
Since we're calling up old favorites today....

When I wrote this, i didn't realize how true it would all really become!

Steve Lightspeed

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SteveLightspeed

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#29

12-25-2004, 01:26 PM

A Christmas classic!

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baddog

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#30

12-25-2004, 01:32 PM

Originally posted by Lightspeed

A Christmas classic!

First time I read it, but pretty good how you came up with that.
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Sammy4u

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#31

12-25-2004, 01:40 PM

Very Cute. If you need any extra "coconuts" I can let you borrow mine for a bit... but I need them back. ;) lol

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#32

12-25-2004, 01:47 PM

most people will never be happy dont feel bad
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#33

12-25-2004, 01:50 PM

it's funn,y but its a sort of morbid truth that the human being incompesses...The need to constantly improve and evolve, and that little overused term called greed.
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SleazyDream

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#34

12-25-2004, 01:50 PM

I'd give coconut cash a free listing if that would make you happy - if only for a moment....

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!

Now read without the word dog.
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#35

12-25-2004, 02:42 PM

Originally posted by Lightspeed

I just wanna be happy in life... I think I'll move to Maui and sell coconuts to dumb tourists for $29.95...

But then I realize...

My coconut business will grow, and I'll have to hire more coconut pickers to keep up with the coconut demand... then I'll have to hire a coconut marketing guy to help sell all the extra coconuts, and then he'll bring in too much coconut business, so I'll have to get extra coconut affiliates to help me distribute all the coconuts... we'd have to launch a payout program called COCONUTCASH... maybe give away a car or something for every 200 coconut affiliates....

Pretty soon I'll be going to coconut conventions, hoping to hook up with some other cool coconut vendors... then I'll want to host the coconut parties at the coconut conventions... and I'll need even more coconut pushing people to help with that....

Then I'll find out that a bigger coconut company is using my best looking coconut to promote their own shitty coconut marketing biz.... They'll offer to send people over to buy my coconuts, but only if I give them 35 dollars for every $4.95 coconut sampler sale...

Our coconuts will be so popular that everyone will want to buy wholesale coconuts, and for that we'll have to start COCONUT CONTENT... and then start monitoring for unlicensed use of our coconuts...

I'll end up spending all my time checking my coconut stats, and looking for ways to automate the whole cococut picking and distribution process, and complaining about goddamn tourists who only want free friggin' coconuts...

Fuck it... I'll never be happy...

Lightspeed

[This message has been edited by Lightspeed (edited 08-10-2001).]

Thats a fishy story Steve, happy holls.

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NaughtyAllie

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#36

12-25-2004, 03:06 PM

Originally posted by Lightspeed

A Christmas classic!

Your coconut story is so true and so fucking hilarious! Thanks for the laugh and Merry Christmas!
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#37

12-25-2004, 04:27 PM

see you next year

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#38

12-25-2004, 06:17 PM

I see the search has returned! Nice post Steve.

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#39

12-25-2004, 06:25 PM

A very interestign coconut story.
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#40

12-25-2004, 06:30 PM

Originally posted by Lightspeed

Oh yeah, I almost forgot -- just writing "Maui" on the side of the coconuts won't sell them fast enough, so I'll have to hire a 6'9" graphics guy to moonlight some hip "Maui coconut" graphics for me, and maybe a short red-haired dirty-minded coconut writer to spice up our dull coconut ads... then i'll be telling everyone about it all on a cool coconut message board... i could go on, but i'm out of weed...

Maybe I'll move to Thailand and sell bananas instead....

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