Points to Ponder

[Paul Markham]

Points to ponder
1. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

2. Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

3. Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

4. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

5. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

6. Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

7. Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

8. Why is the alphabet in that order?

9. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

10. Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

11. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

12. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

13.How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

14.When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go

15. Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

[Paul Markham]

1. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

2. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

3. How do I set my laser printer on stun?

4. How is it possible to have a civil war?

5. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

6. If God dropped acid, would he see people?

7. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

8. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

9. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

10. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

11. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

12. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

13. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

14. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

15. If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?

[brand0n]

if i keep reading this nonsense, will you give me a couple free sets?

[Paul Markham]

Originally posted by brand0n
if i keep reading this nonsense, will you give me a couple free sets?

No, but bumping my threads might help.

Old Is When...

1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

3. Getting a little action means you don't need fiber today.

4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

[Paul Markham]

Games To Play When We Get Older
1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee.

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.

[Paul Markham]

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

[Paul Markham]

One Question IQ Test
There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?





Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...
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He opens his mouth and says. "I would like to buy a pair of sunglasses."


If you got this wrong. go on home, call it a day.