Funny Quotes - GoFuckYourself.com

badmunchkin · 08-29-2004, 01:15 PM

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
Sharon Stone

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'." Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." Steve Martin

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life." Elmo Phillips

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." Oscar Wilde

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
George Burns

Doctor Dre · 08-29-2004, 01:44 PM

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."
Sharon Stone

word ... and the tiger wood one is good too

Firehorse · 08-30-2004, 01:35 AM

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson

fr33s3x · 08-30-2004, 01:39 AM

Great quotes

reynold · 08-30-2004, 02:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Firehorse
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson

neither she would say "F**k you!" that would be incest..

Aquarius · 08-30-2004, 02:36 AM

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams

So fucking true.

Manowar · 08-30-2004, 03:16 AM

all of those are awesome

Jill_J · 08-30-2004, 04:49 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Firehorse
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson

pure energy · 08-31-2004, 01:57 AM

thanks bro! Those are sensible quotes!

Corleone · 08-31-2004, 02:00 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by badmunchkin

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." Steve Martin

Flashasianxxxoutsourcing · 08-31-2004, 09:25 AM

those quotes are so true

axelcat · 08-31-2004, 09:26 AM

08-29-2004, 01:15 PM	#1
badmunchkin Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 3,797	Funny Quotes "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody Allen "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." Rodney Dangerfield "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." Lynn Lavner "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." Camille Paglia "Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." George Burns "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." Sharon Stone "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor) "Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." Billy Crystal "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." Robert De Niro "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman "There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'." Jerry Seinfeld "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams "It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." Joan Rivers "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." Steve Martin "You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life." Elmo Phillips "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." Oscar Wilde "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." George Burns __________________ Custom, Full Color Printing with BIG Discounts for GFY! ICQ 283197499

08-30-2004, 01:35 AM	#3
Firehorse Desire it and have it!!! Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: www.fuckwithfire.com ICQ 512915 Posts: 30,767	"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack Nicholson __________________ MySweetEbony

08-30-2004, 01:39 AM	#4
fr33s3x Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2003 Posts: 5,064	Great quotes __________________

08-31-2004, 01:57 AM	#9
pure energy Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 4,274	thanks bro! Those are sensible quotes! __________________ Click Here to get $42 a sale AND Get FREE MGP Coaching from WebmasterLabor.Com Sign up above then EMAIL info (( at )) webmasterlabor DOT com for your free 1 to 1 MGP coaching

08-31-2004, 09:25 AM	#11
Flashasianxxxoutsourcing Registered User Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 82	those quotes are so true __________________ 257921047 [email protected]

08-30-2004, 02:36 AM	#6
Aquarius Confirmed User Join Date: May 2004 Location: Mom's basement Posts: 4,754	"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams So fucking true.

08-30-2004, 03:16 AM	#7
Manowar jellyfish Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 71,528	all of those are awesome

08-31-2004, 09:26 AM	#12
axelcat Adult Locals Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: West Coast Posts: 25,450