My fellow Canadians crack me up

[CDSmith]

Did you hear about the guy with a map of Canada tattoed on his ass?

Every time he sits down, Quebec separates.

***********************************************

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident.
They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all
three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were
about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes.
Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well,"
said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful
light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates
of heaven.
St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said
that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course pulled
out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back
here." "Thats's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to
the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was
haggling over the price
and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."

***********************************************


This one sums up the "we're better than everyone" attitude that some Americans have...

This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call. (idiot)



Okay I added in the idiot part.

[EviLGuY]

Originally posted by CDSmith
This one sums up the "we're better than everyone" attitude that some Americans have...

This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call. (idiot)



Okay I added in the idiot part.

That was great. I can just imagine what the guys in the lighthouse were thinking.

[Fletch XXX]

humans in general are assanine and comical.

[EviLGuY]

Originally posted by Fletch XXX
humans in general are assanine and comical.

Hey Fletch.. where you been hiding this week?