hottshot

* "How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for
Miss America?"
* Closest I ever got to a 4.0 in high school was my blood alcohol content.
* I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
"Thyroid problem?"
* I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
* If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?

* I see your IQ test results were negative.
* I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
* How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
* I have learned there is little difference in husbands; you might as well keep the first.
* There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.
* Travel is very educational. I can now say "Kaopectate" in seven different languages.
* I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
* I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
* I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been
giving me lately!
* Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive
days I've stayed alive.
* I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: CHECKOUT TIME
IS 18.
* Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now
so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
* Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and
can see your rear end without turning around.
* If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?"

* Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the
toy.
* Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
* Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

* I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point
involved.

Paul Markham

Lensman is a hypocrite


The Revive Juicybone Now Coalition

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