Dirtypainter

From the Iowa Fish and Game:

Attention Visitors; Iowa Tourism Council Bulletin:

This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the state.

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work
before breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym.
How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you got
your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow
you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW.
I have a four wheel drive because I need it.
Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about
our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod.
Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle.
We have a name for those little 13 inch trout you fish for.........bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We
can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport.

9. The Hawkeyes and the Cyclones are as important
here as the Lakers and the Knicks...and a damn sight more fun to
watch.

10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the
menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order
the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and
turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass
with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be
brown, wet, and served over ice.

12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're
real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines
that we use two weeks a year.

13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight
in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's
yellow.

14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because
they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

15. Yeah, we eat catfish--carp, too--and turtle.
You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like.
Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 80 goes two ways. I-35 goes
the other two. Pick one.

17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of
pheasant season. It's a religious holiday held the
closest Saturday to the first of November.
You can get breakfast at the church.

18. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's
called being friendly. Understand the concept or we'll kick your
butt.

19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the
water hazards. It spooks the fish.

20. No, we can't shoot the doves. They're song
birds. Okay, even we feel a little stupid about that one.

Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.


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• All Sweet Pussy
• A proud Reviewer for Fortune Pussy

Clovis

Will that be printed in Swedish or Norwegian ?

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www.jadecandle.com

Animal

I have been EATEN!

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