banned because you dont like it man plz you own prolly the 1,500 header competition so... at least i thought your entry was quite nice impressive

168/ 30 sec = 84 minutes of posting for $25 minus paypal fees :Graucho

you make a good point

lol yeah

cheap whores :glugglug

dont get it personal, we all want some money, dont we ?

:glugglug

:banana

Homer: It was an alien marge it appeared in front of me it said DONT BE AFRAID................no i havent been drinking well 10 beers

Moe: uhhh FBI wait a minute........... ok guys get the whale back to seaworld........

:banana :)

:banana

Bart: is alloverthere
Moe: allover
Bart: last name clothsoff
Moe: wait a minute... alloverclothsoff hey everybody i wanna see all of your clothes off...........
Moe: wait a minute... you brat when i get a hold of you im going to....
Bart: *laughs*

There are a lot of posts her for only $25 bucks. You shure you didnt loose a fer 0's at the end?

i think it would of been worth it for $250 but not for $25

Laury: is tickle there first name i wanna
Moe: w8 amintue ill check.. hey i wanna tickle... everybody put down your glasses i wanna tickle......
Moe: w8 aminute its you isnt it
Laury & Bart: bahahahaha

What's the easiest way to put a giraffe in a fridge?
By opening the door and putting it in.

Ya, I coulda got moist for $250 but $25 doesnt even really get the little feller's attention.

Bart: is amanda there last name hugginkiss
Moe: wait ill check is amandahugginkiss why cant i find a man to hug and kiss
Barney: maby your standards are to high...
Moe: wait aminute its oyu isnt it..

During his campaign, George W. Bush and his advisors were discussing spin control on his past drug problems.
"Dubya," said his PR guy, "We've got to know, are the rumors true about your using cocaine in college?"

"It's true," replied Bush, "but it isn't my fault. My parents were rich, and I was born with a silver spoon in my nose."

Q: Why did Bill Clinton give up the saxophone?

A: Because he had a hor-monica.

Cartman: if stan doesnt show up i will have his nuts

Yo mama's fart stinks so bad that George Bush declared it biological warfare.

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.

"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.

"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."

We need to keep Bush in at all costs. I mean, Clinton smoked Pot, Bush snorted some coke. The next guy will probably be mainlineing heroin into his eyeball, and we all know we dont want him at the wheel! :winkwink:

Yo mama's so stupid she thinks a balanced meal is a Big Mac in each hand.

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction site. The construction workers usually had their lunches in there, their favourite meal being beef soup.
But one day the chef ran out of meat and in his panicked state he ran out the door in the hope of finding a ride to town. After noticing that there was no vehicles nearby he sadly started walking back to his restaurant. Upon nearing the construction site he saw a sheep tied up on a pole nearby. He was so happy that he untied the sheep and proceeded to his place.

At lunchtime the construction workers walked in and ordered their favorite soup.

During the meal, the guys started exclaiming in delite that the soup tasted extremely good today and asked what was the reason for that. The chef was pleased and proceeded to tell them about his predicament. Everyone stopped eating with a dazed look on their faces.

The chef asked, "What's the matter boys, did I screw up the cooking?"

"No." replied the foreman of the construction team, "you cooked up the screwing."

Burns: Good morning starshine the earth says hello :D.. it twickles above us and we down below :)....

Im Leonard Nimoy Good night

What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?
A brunette.

:Graucho

So this guy is in Rhode Island hunting for geese. He catches one and puts it in his bag with the other geese. Just as he closes the bag, a Hunting Inspector walks up.
"Sir, can I please see that bag?" he asks. "Sure," says the hunter and hands the bag over.

The Inspector looks through the bag, pulls out one goose, and sticks his finger up its ass. He pulls it out, smells it and says, "This here's a Virginia goose, do you have a Virginia Hunting License?"

The hunter looks through his wallet and pulls out it and shows it to the inspector. The inspector nods and sticks his hand in the bag and pulls out another goose.

He sticks his finger up it's ass and says, "This here's a Maine goose, do you have a Maine Hunting License?"

The hunter looks again through his wallet, pulls out the card, and shows it to the inspector. He nods again, and pulls out the last goose. He does the routine and says, "This here is a Rhode Island goose, do you have a Rhode Island Hunting License?"

The hunter fishes through his wallet, shows the card to the inspector and puts it back in.

"Boy," you having all these licenses, where you from?" asks the Inspector.

The hunter pulls down his pants and asks, "Why don't you find out?"

Whats happended to the CJ thread like this? It end?

The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed and she seemed rather bored.
"What do you wanna do now?" he asked.
"I wanna be weighed," she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy.
"What else she would like to do?" he asked her.
"I wanna be weighed," she said. I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and decided to take the girl home. The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early.
"What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?"
"Absowutewy wousy," said the girl.

What did Ike say to Tina when she came in late with two black eyes?
Nothing, he already told her twice.

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Ned goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "Hello Ned! How are you? Hey everybody! Ned's here!" Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Ned. After everyone has greeted him, Bill and Ned sit down and begin to eat.
"Ned, you're pretty popular!" says Bill. "I'm the most popular man in the world," says Ned. "Now Ned," says Bill, your pretty popular but you're not the most popular man in the world." "Oh yeah," Ned replies "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I'm friends with anybody you can name!" "That so?" answers Bill, "How about the president of the United States?" "Let's go!" says Ned.

The two fly to Washington and knock on the front door of the White House. The president answers, "Ned! How are you doing? I haven't seen you in ages!" The three go play a round of golf and then leave. "That was luck!" says Bill, "Two thousand says your not friends with the Queen of England!" "Let's go!" says Ned.

The two fly to Buckingham Palace and, sure enough, are greeted by the Queen. ''Hello Ned my boy! What have you been up to these days?" They enter the palace and have some tea and leave. Frustrated, Bill says, "Double or nothing, you don't know the Pope!" "J.P!" says Ned, "Let's go!"

When they get to the Vatican, Ned instructs Bill to wait outside and Ned will come out on the balcony with his arm around the Pope. After a while, a crowd gathers to hear the Pope speak. And as told by Ned, when the Pope came out, Ned's arm was wrapped around him. Ned looks down from the balcony and see's Bill passed out on the ground. He rushes down and wakes him up.

"Bill! Bill! Wake up!" Bill opens his eyes and says, "Ned. You're the most popular man in the world." "I told you that, Bill," says Ned, "but you didn't faint when I knew the President! You didn't faint when I knew the Queen!"

"Well I was shocked that you knew the Pope," says Bill. "But I just couldn't take it when the guy next to me tapped me on the shoulder and said "Who's that up there with Ned?"

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce, and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
''Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,'' she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue. Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said, ''Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon.'''

Yo' mama so old, her birth certificate expired!

What's grosser than gross?
You eat a bowl of cornflakes and then find out that your brother's scab collection is missing.

how interesting, sure im not gonna win.:321GFY

:banana

What is the best thing God ever created?
The vagina.
What was the worst thing God ever did?
Let women manage it!

man noticed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her cart. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her no. The little girl immediately began to have a conniption, and the mother said quietly, "Now Missy, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long."
In the candy aisle, the little girl began to shout for treats. When mom said she couldn't have any, she began to kick her mother and scream. The mother said softly, "There, there, Missy, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."

When they got to the checkout stand, the little brat immediately began to reach for the gum and freaked out when her mom said she couldn't have any. The mother patiently said, "Missy, we'll be through this checkout stand in five minutes and then you can go home and have a bottle and a nice snooze."

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Missy," he said.

The mother sighed and replied, "Oh, no, my little girl's name is Francine - I'm Missy."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Wayne.

Wayne who?

Wayne drops keep falling on my head...

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can't wear your trousers." she said.

"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.

travelling salesman was out in the country one evening and wasn't sure how to get back to the main highway. He came upon a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.
"Sure," said the farmer. "I've got some beans and cornbread on the stove, but I've only got one bed, so you'll have to sleep with me."

The salesman was very grateful. So they had dinner and went to bed early. The salesman was used to keeping late hours and couldn't get to sleep. His tossing and turning was keeping the farmer awake so the farmer finally suggested they play football. The salesman didn't understand.

"Here's how it works," said the farmer. "Everytime you fart, it's a touchdown." The salesman thought it sounded fun, and they started playing. The salesman took an immediate lead, with the farmer struggling to squeeze even one out. Finally he felt one coming on and he strained and grunted and strained and grunted...and let a big wet one rip all over his side of the bed.

"What'll we do now?" exclaimed the salesman.

"Halftime. Switch sides."

recently-married man goes into a drugstore to pick up some things. The clerk greets him....

Clerk: Hey, how did the wedding go?
Man: Well, we got married.
Clerk: That's good!
Man: No, that's bad. I wasn't wearing any clothes.
Clerk: Oh that is bad!
Man: No, that's good -- she didn't care and she's rich.
Clerk: Oh, that is good.
Man: No, that's bad. She won't give me any or spend any of it.
Clerk: Oh, that's bad.
Man: No, that's good: She bought a house.
Clerk: Oh, that's good
Man: No, that's bad -- it burned down.
Clerk: Oh that is bad.
Man: No that's good -- she was in it!

What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and George Bush?
A pimp with a speech impediment.

What does J.Lo and a doorknobs have in common?
Everyone gets a turn.

What do you call a doll on fire?
A Barbie-Q!

Why are women's feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the sink.