This individual seeks an executive position. He will be available next
January, and is willing to relocate.
RESUME
GEORGE W. BUSH 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20520
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the
influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost"
and is not available.
Military:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take
a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the
Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a
cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business
in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find
any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all
my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal
that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and
our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was
elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston
replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America. I cut
taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in
borrowed money. I set the record for the most executions by any
governor in American history. With the help of my brother, the
governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court,
I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal
record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of
over one billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and
effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. I shattered the record for
the largest annual deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record
for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. I set the
all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I set the
all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock
market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their
jobs and that trend continues every month. I'm proud that the
members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S.
history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a
Chevron oil tanker named after her. I set the record for most
campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I am the all-time
U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign
donations. My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best
friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy
fraud in U.S. History: Enron. My political party used Enron private
jets and corporate attorneys to ensure my success with the U.S. Supreme
Court during my election decision. I have protected my friends at
Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time
and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has
been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in
history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and
refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was
revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
I am trying to cut over time pay. I changed the U.S. policy to allow
convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. I appointed
more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S.
history. I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest
bureaucracy in the history of the United States government. I've
broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I withdrew the U.S.
from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspector's access to
U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees, and have refused to abide by the
Geneva Convention. I am the first President in history to refuse
United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. elections).
I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any
President since the advent of television. I set the all-time record
for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the
entire month of August 2001, I presided over the worst security failure
in U.S. history. I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after
the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S.
the most hated country in the world---the largest failure of diplomacy
in world history. I have set the all-time record for most people
worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million
people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the
history of mankind. I am the first President in U.S. history to order
an unprovoked, preemptive attack and the military occupation of a
sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the
majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community. I have cut health
care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for
active duty troops and their families in wartime. In my State of the
Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then
blamed the lies on our British friends. I am the first President in
history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as
the biggest threat to world peace and security. I am supporting
development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD. I have so
far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004!
January, and is willing to relocate.
RESUME
GEORGE W. BUSH 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC 20520
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the
influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost"
and is not available.
Military:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take
a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the
Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a
cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business
in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find
any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all
my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal
that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and
our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was
elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making
Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston
replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America. I cut
taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in
borrowed money. I set the record for the most executions by any
governor in American history. With the help of my brother, the
governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court,
I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal
record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of
over one billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and
effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. I shattered the record for
the largest annual deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record
for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. I set the
all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I set the
all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock
market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their
jobs and that trend continues every month. I'm proud that the
members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S.
history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a
Chevron oil tanker named after her. I set the record for most
campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I am the all-time
U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign
donations. My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best
friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy
fraud in U.S. History: Enron. My political party used Enron private
jets and corporate attorneys to ensure my success with the U.S. Supreme
Court during my election decision. I have protected my friends at
Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time
and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has
been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in
history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and
refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was
revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
I am trying to cut over time pay. I changed the U.S. policy to allow
convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. I appointed
more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S.
history. I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest
bureaucracy in the history of the United States government. I've
broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I withdrew the U.S.
from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspector's access to
U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees, and have refused to abide by the
Geneva Convention. I am the first President in history to refuse
United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. elections).
I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any
President since the advent of television. I set the all-time record
for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the
entire month of August 2001, I presided over the worst security failure
in U.S. history. I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after
the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S.
the most hated country in the world---the largest failure of diplomacy
in world history. I have set the all-time record for most people
worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million
people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the
history of mankind. I am the first President in U.S. history to order
an unprovoked, preemptive attack and the military occupation of a
sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the
majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community. I have cut health
care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for
active duty troops and their families in wartime. In my State of the
Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then
blamed the lies on our British friends. I am the first President in
history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as
the biggest threat to world peace and security. I am supporting
development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD. I have so
far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's
library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004!
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